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Blogs > tresennui > Succumbing to Curiousity

What's So Difficult About FWBs?  

tresennui 69F  
2841 posts
3/4/2012 10:26 pm

Last Read:
6/7/2019 8:24 pm
What's So Difficult About FWBs?

Movies, books even blogs talk about how difficult it is to sustain a basic Friends With Benefits relationship. I don't seem to have a problem with it at all. I have quite a few friends I enjoy conversing with, going out with and having sex with, but do not find ourselves getting involved emotionally. We are able to share our thoughts, feelings about a variety of subjects and personal information without expectations or commitment.

I don't understand why others find it difficult to do this. Could it be because I'm older now and not exactly looking for a serious, monogamous relationship? Or because I can have sex with someone because if feels good and we like each other without being "in love"? Or could it just be I haven't found someone I feel attached enough to that I want more from him or can give more to him?

As always, more questions to ponder.
Tresennui
Succumbing to Curiosity...read me at tresennui
dewitok 59M  
20 posts
8/3/2015 4:46 pm

 if you find the right people, then it can happen with great times


justme2play 61M
22 posts
3/18/2012 5:41 am

 I do think it's maturity. Younger people go into it with FWB in mind but emotions take over for some reason...


packageman57 67M
1093 posts
3/5/2012 7:55 am

 Yes, age has a lot to do with it, plus, I think, you hit the nail on the head by asking those questions. Talk soon.


BrownEyedBBW 55F  
8831 posts
3/5/2012 12:26 am

 I think there are a few things at play here.

1. If you enjoy hanging out with person and having conversations with them, there is an emotional involvement whether you are having sex with each other or not. The sex just adds another layer. I mean we don't hang around with people we don't like.

2 I'm not sure how long your FWB relationships have been going on. I'm assuming you have been involved with them for 1, 2, 5 years. That friendship and companionship can become a habit.

3. People generally take on a FWB when they are between relationships. If you think about it, you like the person, you like having sex with them and there is a comfort level if this has been an ongoing thing. One or more of these can easily cause a person to slip down the slope taking them from FWB to love (or something like it.

Don't forget that and FWB is basically a BF/GF light. You do all the things that you would do with a BF or GF only you don't have the same depth of affection that you may have for a mater. We humans are funny creatures and one of our funniest things is how our feelings never seem to stay fixed bu meander (sometimes where we don't want them to).

(Here's something else to ponder. You may feel that all of your FWBs are just friends but are you 100% that all of them feel the same way? What would happen if one o them saw you passionately kissing another FWB of yours?)


tresennui replies on 3/5/2012 10:56 am:
You did bring up a dilemma I have. I value these friendships and enjoy sex with them, but if I did ultimately meet someone who I decided to have a monogamous relationship - which tends to be more complicated than just a fwb - would I be able to give up my fwb-friends. I have one in particular that I always joke about if I did find that someone special that there would have to be my one exception - because I can't imagine never having sex with him again.

As for my fwb's wanting more from me...if they did they never say. I'm always completely honest about myself and never give the impression that they are the only one. I also assume that they are seeing others too. We may not go into specifics about what we do when we're not together, but we do discuss what we're looking for in a more significant partner if that's what either of us desire.

reag120 31M

3/4/2012 11:30 pm

 Lord knows, eh? It just never works out


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