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| Blogs > AtomicArtist0 > Atomic Blog |
Another Crass Horoscopes, You Pudgy Dweebs
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Another Crass Horoscopes, You Pudgy Dweebs Its been said by many that I have a sexy, velvety smooth voice that can soothe, lull, and seduce even the most jaded of women. Actually, its only been said by me and on several occasions. I can’t help it. Whether I’m singing in the shower or giving directions to the VD clinic, there’s just nothing better than the sound of my own voice. But I suppose I can tolerate the sound of your voices as well if it means keeping the tradition of the monthly horoscopes alive. So let your voices be heard. As always, leave a comment here and I’ll come back with your very own personal crass horoscope reading. I’ll sit and wait for your comments…and in the meantime I’ll talk myself into…taking myself home, telling myself fascinating stories, then eventually taking advantage of myself in front of the TV. I am such a smooth talker! Aries March 21-April 20 Its been said that you lash out at everything you don’t understand, which makes you all the more pathetic when you go apeshit at your nephew’s kindergarten school play. Taurus April 21-May 21 Nobody ever correlates “rock out with your cock out” with “grandmother’s funeral” but as events unfold next week you’ll seem to pull it off nicely. Gemini May 22-June 21 Wishing you were more like Paris Hilton will finally materialize this week when, after a strange turn of events, you end up pleading for your mother while spending twenty-three days in the slammer. Cancer June 22-July 23 The stars find it appalling that you’ve been busted for taking<b> illicit </font></b>photos of you and your to the drugstore for developing, especially in this age of digital photography. Leo July 24-August 23 The tall, dark stranger the other horoscopes insist you’ll meet will finally materialize when a drunk perv offers you a mustache ride in the ally behind a porno theatre. Virgo August 24-September 23 If you didn’t want your eggs cooked you shouldn’t have built your nest in my patio grill! That’ll teach you to fuck with me! Cocksucking sparrows! Libra September 24-October 23 The great Mohammad Ali was said to float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. You, on the other hand, float like a butterfly and stink like pee. Scorpio October 24-November 22 You’ve always considered yourself fortunate to own a penthouse suite and by penthouse we mean magazines and by suite we mean top dresser drawer. Sagittarius November 23-December 21 If the House of Sagittarius has any tidbit of advice for you it would be to never commit a crime in front of someone with a blurry face. They’re always on the news ratting perps out with their digitally altered voices. Capricorn December 22- January 20 You’ll begin to suspect that the magical story of how Mommy and Daddy met had less to do with unicorns and rainbows and more to do with cocaine and fisting. Aquarius January 21- February 19 Sure your new hairdo may bring out your eyes and accentuate your lovely cheekbones but does nothing to remedy the fact that you still have an ass like a bag of wet clothes. Pisces February 20-March 20 It took a lot of convincing, but you’ll finally decide to go in on that lucrative business venture with that super polite Nigerian ambassador who keeps emailing you.  |
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7/1/2007 2:11 pm |
bist du häßlich
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eh... what are you psychic or just psycho... so my ass is of the bubble butt variety... no complaints yet... of course that mneans no one has seen it in months... rotf... so I understand you like nice butts... so tell me all about it Baby!! you know how I want it... shoot your best shot.....and you know where too  kisses and licks... oh!! and tender hugs too ...m. careful who you're calling pudgy! my slim and trim drink of wawa
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meh...Grandmas funeral is the perfect time to show my skills in the sympathy sex department. I just thank the stars I'm not a capricorn this month!!
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Since I was premmie could I go with Leo's; I rather like it, and it reminded me of my last boyfriend.   BTW, I'm not pudgy; I'm big boned! Are you? I was having a debate with a friend over just that thing -- whether you are big boned, have a big boner, or are a big bone head! 
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7/2/2007 2:29 am |
Please don't tell them where I am when they come knocking and I won't have to call out for my Mommy! I promise to make it worth your while if you help me hide.  I'll even forgive you for bringing Paris Hilton into this horoscope. Later! {=} ~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~
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I always thought I was concieved in a 54 Chevy,don't believe they had coke then..  Later Atomic
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oh Baby......
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7/2/2007 11:21 pm |
AtomicArtist replies on 7/2/2007 9:42 pm: oh they're definately coming for you, and I think this has a lot to do with it... personal reading for Ana_6973 Gemini May 22-June 21Its been said that you have Angelina Jolie's full, pouty lips; a statement that will be proven true later this week when detectives raid your basement. Come on, I'll let ya view the body..do whatever you want to her... I'll just be relieved I don't have to see anymore praise for the party girl gone good and her damn cock sucking lips. lol. Help me hide her before they raid me. Later! {=} ~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~
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7/2/2007 11:30 pm |
LMAO damn and me a scorp without a penthouse suite... not that i really need one...
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7/3/2007 4:31 pm |
"AtomicArtist replies on 7/3/2007 12:48 pm: "praise for the party girl gone good and her damn cock sucking lips"...I could not have come up with a funnier line myself...and I'm damn funny. good work!" Why thank you very much! High praise indeed, coming from you! Later! {=} ~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~
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_____Kindergarten school plays and bad Acid flash backs don't mix. You know how the kids dress up as things. They say it looked like I was trying to rip the limbs off a tree. Why would I do that. Maybe the court appointed psychologist can help.
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_____Atomic! Vick is back and you didn't tell me? That's big news in my little world. Shame on you. It's almost like getting the band back together. Atomic, Vick, Nuttz and skyking. Wow! Do you remenber...the wine, the women, the songs? I know I'm only a bit player, but it's nice to even be a hanger on.
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But, but... The pictures of me and the dog weren't what you think! We were just out at the dog park, I fell, the dog jumped on me, my camera skidded away and some punk ass kid thought it would be funny to snap pictures. That is my story and I'm sticking to it.
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