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| Blogs > EbonyQueen4u > Ebony's Velvet & Leather Room |
When U Know It's Over - Be An Adult
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When U Know It's Over - Be An Adult Hi AFFers! It's so long since I wrote. I feel a bit rusty. There's been a lot going on. I was having great regular sex with an Local Adult Companion friend. We talked a lot, went out, spent time together for GREAT SEX and intimacy. Things were always hot for two months. Then some kind of monster raised it's ugly head! No not jealousy, but insecurity. My friend and I had spoken about NSA (no strings attached) sex at the beginning and in the middle of knowing each other. I am enjoying growing in my sexual and sensual experiences (safely) with different partners. Intellectually HE KNEW THIS, but his actions said otherwise. I am not inhuman and I could feel his emotions increase when we were together. He was experiencing something emotionally (PHYSICALLY we seemed to both be satisfied), that I just wasn't. Things came to a head and we had an argument about why I wasn't passionate about him! My response was "what?" It was very dramatic and felt petty (I don't like to argue, especially if someone expects to have sex with me anytime in the near future). My suggestions to diffuse this and just sleep and discuss when we were rested, but he continued. I could see the CHIP on his shoulder get bigger and a very insecure person appear who was ruining a good thing. At one point, the sound of a door shutting came into my mind's eye. THIS WAS OVER, no going back despite the good sex. Why couldn't we just be adults about this? Anyone had a great NSA lover that turned bad? To my friend (or ex-friend) referred to above. I hope you work through your emotional issues or else you are going to MISS ALL OF LIFE's JOY, driving people away. Let me know what my AFFers think about this! EQ4U Smooches 
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3/20/2008 12:18 pm |
You might want to consider that we never do any of this alone and that all involved while pointing blame and assigning labels, assessing who it chasing who away have a part in the out come. My question is while you felt his reactions petty and over complicated, where was your part? How much of what you contributed did you take responsibility for?? Or were you even wiling or in touch, sensitive enough or compassionate enough to be even willing to look??. Might you have made things easier/more compicated. Were you both as satisfied as you thought.Hence his request or observation of your lack of passion. Passion?? emotional?? Physical?? Intellectual?? Did you bring it?? Were you the spontaneous creative person your profile painted you to be. OR was his reaction due to mis-communication and ultimately boredom. Were you holding back. Reserving yourself , sending out messages ??something?? you neither admitted or were conscious of. Maybe the solution of good NSA is keeping it to just the NSA. Keep fucking and Feeling separate. Cause socially mixing , dating etc is not compartmental, key part on mental. Hypotheticlly maybe he wasn’t missing the joy just wasn’t enjoying as much as you thought there was too enjoy. I often find labels and blame good when you have more to lose by being honest with others and yourself. Maybe not of a stern enough place where you can admit your own failings and insecurities easier to hold on to those of others, perceived or otherwise.
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4/5/2008 6:08 pm |
Wow STR82, would you happen to be the AFFer she was referring to in this blog? You seem mighty defensive.
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"APleasure2Touch" and "A Girls Story"..Thank you sistas for your insight! There is nothing like confident women to get to the point! Straight, put himself on front street for the world to see how defensive and insecure he really is! I was keeping him anonymous, as this is my blog and my reflection. This is why I am so glad to have gotten out of this situation..he's not stable. "A Girls Story" I am sure we can exchange stories, we should talk!! LOL Thanks for the comments!
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Maggiebloo and Spike11053, thank you for taking time to write. I also appreciated what you said and your taking the time to think about what I was reflecting on. Forgive my delayed response!!! EQ4U
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4/13/2008 10:07 pm |
Hey thanks for welcoming me to check out your blog. And I saw this topic and have to comment. Ive met a few AFFers and Ive had the same thing happen time and time again. Dick em down and they start catching feelings. But here in JP there seems to be a lot more ladies using the rouse of NSA sex and then twisting that into well we had sex so you must have feelings because I have them. And things get hard. I had an experience with a girl here who was the best Id ever had and Im not ashamed to admit that she actually gave it to me and we had amazing sex. Problem was after about that same 2 month mark she started asking for more and more and more time. I was busy with a lot of other things and when I didn't have time to reply to calls she started trippin. Guess that chip on the shoulder thing finds its way around. Bottom line things got screwy and we parted ways. There is a lot to be said about being an adult about things in a relationship. For some people sex is just sex and for others its not. When too many things go right some people see it as the opportunity to make a home. Others just want to enjoy the good time. The real difficult part of this lifestyle isn't being a great performer its more about learning to read people and knowing what will work and what wont emotionally. Its almost never 'no strings attached' but learning how to make it that way for as long as you can is the real trick. -- ALL HAIL --
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I appreciated reading this blog; I've been on both sides of the coin. Although things are stated early in the game, my experience has been that the longer the "relationship" exists the more likely it will change; for good or bad.If its for the worst, fingers start to point and the blame game begins. HardChocolate12 makes very good points in his response specifically when he speaks to understanding people and what they really want and/or "what will work and what won't emotionally". I would add really communicating, verbally as opposed to or in addition to physically so that everybody stays on the same page. This of course can be difficult especially if the physical thing is good.
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Hey thanks for welcoming me to check out your blog. And I saw this topic and have to comment. Ive met a few AFFers and Ive had the same thing happen time and time again. Dick em down and they start catching feelings. But here in JP there seems to be a lot more ladies using the rouse of NSA sex and then twisting that into well we had sex so you must have feelings because I have them. And things get hard. I had an experience with a girl here who was the best Id ever had and Im not ashamed to admit that she actually gave it to me and we had amazing sex. Problem was after about that same 2 month mark she started asking for more and more and more time. I was busy with a lot of other things and when I didn't have time to reply to calls she started trippin. Guess that chip on the shoulder thing finds its way around. Bottom line things got screwy and we parted ways. There is a lot to be said about being an adult about things in a relationship. For some people sex is just sex and for others its not. When too many things go right some people see it as the opportunity to make a home. Others just want to enjoy the good time. The real difficult part of this lifestyle isn't being a great performer its more about learning to read people and knowing what will work and what wont emotionally. Its almost never 'no strings attached' but learning how to make it that way for as long as you can is the real trick.
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BigJazz2000, thanks for joining the conversation. It's interesting that you've said that you've been on both sides. When sex for you translated into feelings, what did you do? I feel like u have a choice, tell the person how you really feel and accept the rejection. OR just enjoy the ride (literally and figuratively) even if it doesn't become the relationship that only you seem to want. It's funny to hear you say communicating is key, because I always feel that's the most difficult between men and women. we communicate differently, however it's interesting that intimacy physically seems to open up some couples to speak more honestly, because the mystique of SEX has been de-mystified.
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