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Blogs > squeam > Peek into the mind of Squeam

friends  

squeam 62F
48 posts
8/29/2012 9:37 pm
friends

... the most important thing in life. I have work friends and old friends and new friends and online friends and friends that have been intrinsic to a particular activity or situation.. and I have had play friends. Very few have ever had all the pieces of me. I have always been great at sharing and showing the parts that I wanted to. Trust is one issue; can't trust just anyone with my secrets. Or to not judge me for them.

Coming up on an anniversary here.. my dearest oldest friend's death. Losing her was the biggest wake up call for me. One of those moments in life when the universe smacks you on the head.. when i had to face the fact that I was sleepwalking through my own life.

I was so lost in my own sadness, I had pushed away some very special people. Used so much energy creating an illusion of happiness that i forgot to leave a little to help me actually FEEL something.

I want to let the barriers down, to stop fighting and pretending that everything is ok and that i am strong. But old habits die hard, and sometimes it is easier to pretend. There are some friends who have seen past the walls, or behind the curtain or whatever, and still seem to care. Even if i sometimes hide or push them away.

so.. much love to my friends. gotta remember to always cherish them..

Texas_1962 61M

6/20/2020 9:10 am

 even the strongest need time to grieve, even cry. allowing oneself to do such is human, and makes us each stronger


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