Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now
Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now
| Blogs > spudsy1000 > The Potato's Lair.... |
Last Day: One confession
|
Last Day: One confession Warning: If you're looking for entertainment or a laugh, ignore this post completely....it's not one of those...  Well it's finally here!! The Last Day. The Final Edition. The Culmination. The.... (Dah duh DAAAAAAAAHHHH) ....Confession  I was getting a little nervous over this one lol I had nothing. That's right. NOTHING. lol I was at a complete loss as to what to write. Right up until this morning when I sat down to write I was drawing a blank. I even considered making something up  But that's just not me, so I decided against it. Then it struck me.... Maybe I'm looking at it in the wrong way..... "Confession" is defined as the written or oral admission of one's wrongdoings or "sins", and I think this is the first meaning that comes to us when we think of that word, especially with religious overtones of admitting to something which requires absolution. By the way...if you're looking for funny or weird here today...this would be the time to leave...this is one of the extremely rare "serious" posts Although, any of you of the "Trainspotting" mentality might want to stick around so you can say "I was there when he did that serious one back in '12" It can also be defined as "acknowledgment, avowal or admission" without any judgmental, right or wrong, good or bad connotations. My confession is something I've alluded to in the past, but I've never felt the need or the inclination to make a whole post about it. They say "misery loves company", but that's not always strictly true At least when it comes to me, anyway lol I'm one of those aggravating people that bottles everything up. If someone pisses me off, or upsets me, I'll rarely let them know. But I do tend to dwell on it, and generally blame myself for the other person's "failings" - it's usually MY fault.....even when it isn't lol I blame it on being a Libra, I can ALWAYS see the other person's point of view lol I have two sides to my brain...the emotional, "me" side that lives on the inside...and the logical, analytical side that lives on the outside and watches what goes on lol But anyway...... I have suffered with depression for most of my life. It's something I live with every day. It's like having a mouse in your house....you know it's there, you hear it, you see evidence of it's existence, but you don't see it very often lol It's been an issue for me since I was in my early teens. There was no real "cause"...nothing to blame it on...it just happened. I'm sure somebody out there will suggest that there IS a root cause and the only way to get to it is via therapy.....but I'm not so sure... Being of an over analytical persuasion, it's something I've contemplated a lot over the years, to no avail. I had a great childhood, loving parents and a happy home life. I never lacked for attention or love. School was great, albeit with some bullying issues which most have to deal with at some point. I had friends, I wasn't a stereotypical loner . I was just depressed for some unknown reason. And that has continued to this day. I was never medicated, or unable to function in my daily life because of it...it's just like an itch you can't scratch, that niggles away at you. I learned early on to recognise the signs. I dealt with it by "heading it off at the pass"...the real danger lies in not snapping yourself out of it before it goes too far. Anyone who has experienced this will know... I've described it before as a "downward spiral". It's like a very slow Helter Skelter (for those of you who know what one of those is Something might trigger you, and you start to slide into that "blue" state (for want of a better description). If you don't catch yourself in time, and snap out of it, before you know it you're depressed about being depressed....which makes you slide further down...which makes you depressed about being depressed about being depressed.... Make sense? I've never hit the bottom... The bottom is where you stop...literally... When you've hit the bottom and can't go any further down...that's when you kill yourself. Not an attempt, not a cry for attention or help...you just do it. And you make sure it happens. Have I thought about suicide? Yes. Many times. Less so as I got older, perhaps because you reach a certain point in your life when you realise you will die sometime, and relatively speaking it's not that far away, so you try to cling on as long as you can, whereas as a you can't imagine living that long, feeling like that... Remember when school holidays felt so long? And Christmas and birthdays were so far away? Now it seems like there's a couple of weeks between birthdays lol Most of you that have made it this far through this post probably don't believe that this is the same "me"....like I said earlier, I'm very good at hiding my "feelings".... It's not something I dwell on, or advertise to the world. I'm not looking for pity, or attention....or looking to have you make allowances for my behaviour.... This is my problem, not yours  And besides, there is really nothing anyone else can do to help anyway. It's like being an alcoholic...no one else can make you stop....and there is no "cure"...only a cessation of "hostilities", so to speak... even if you aren't exhibiting any symptoms, it's still there ...waiting... Depression is a strange affliction... You can't just "Suck it up, princess"  You can't just turn it off.... You can't just ignore it... In recent years it has become "ok" to admit to being depressed... I guess the world finally decided that we're not crazy, miserable, attention seekers... Although in my case, you might beg to differ I feel so lucky though... I'm not that bad...I can still function normally....maintain relationships....hold down a job...do all the things that make up a normal, healthy life. In fact....most of you would probably never believe it if you met me in real life, even if you knew me for years.... There are millions of people out there who can't....or don't get the chance to because they hit the bottom of the ride before they can get off... So that's my "confession", not terribly interesting or in least bit sexual Sorry about that...but it's all I've got "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000 |
|||||
|
I know!!! lol Part of keeping the "demons" at bay is presenting a happy, upbeat front to blogland...it makes me focus on the positive and funny parts of life, rather than dwell on whatever is bringing me down "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
That's just it in a nutshell... It's NOT rational....low self esteem, shyness, depression: none of it is rational... I don't know what goes on in anyone else's head...but I'm eternally grateful for the part of me that stands off to one side and says "smarten up, bucko" once in a while....the part that isn't affected by the "feelings"...it's just not the same if someone else does it Does any of that make sense?? lol Now I even sound crazy to me! lol "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
 I think most people do to a greater or lesser extent. I count myself lucky that I'm one of the lesser variety "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
All I can say is this has to be the best confession I heard. Really is a great post Can I still see your ass??? If it was good, its great but if it was bad then you call that experience E-4-N
| ||||
|
((hugs)))))))
| ||||
|
All I can say is this has to be the best confession I heard. Really is a great post Can I still see your ass??? "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
Yup, I get depression too... Hard work giving myself a kick up the ass to get out of it (what an image...) but I have to, so I do *hug* Lxx
| ||||
|
Thanks Zee "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
That's right Take each day as it comes, and make the most of it "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
Yup, I get depression too... Hard work giving myself a kick up the ass to get out of it (what an image...) but I have to, so I do *hug* Lxx "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
BRAVO!! Now that's how you deal with the daily demons, and express it to others. It's never easy to share the vunerable side of ourselves to others. I'm honored to have read this post tonight.  .."...and then God created the orgasm, so women can moan even when they are happy"- Tantra 
| ||||
|
I love the way you expressed this so matter of factly and without drama - "it's just something I have to deal with". And I don't doubt a bit that you don't need therapy...a lot of this stuff is just messed up biochemistry. And yes, I think almost everyone has dealt with it to a greater/lesser degree - I know that when I was under some heavy job stress last year, I was almost incapable of getting much of anything else done in my life. I was still making it to work every day, but that was about it...   
| ||||
|
Thank you for sharing that 'piece' of yourself Spuds... and I do understand. 
| ||||
|
wow, i have to say that i understood every single word of what u wrote here, it seems we r very much alike, i have just posted my confession and then i come here and read this :S now thats what i call spooky. sending u loads of hugs and kisses xoxoxoxoxox Life is what we make it, so let's make it good!!! come visit my blog bettiebear Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.     
| ||||
5/3/2012 4:17 am |
Beautiful post Spuds, I'm so glad to know you and have you in my world (((hugs))) "I reject your version of reality & substitute my own"  Offended Yet? Sign Here: [post 2929227] I mean seriously, DO IT!! Have you ever tried Sloggin' it? Blogger Slogger The best of some of the Canucks I love: [blog CanadaWeek]
| ||||
|
((hugs))))))) "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
BRAVO!! Now that's how you deal with the daily demons, and express it to others. It's never easy to share the vunerable side of ourselves to others. I'm honored to have read this post tonight.  Wow...thanks "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
I love the way you expressed this so matter of factly and without drama - "it's just something I have to deal with". And I don't doubt a bit that you don't need therapy...a lot of this stuff is just messed up biochemistry. And yes, I think almost everyone has dealt with it to a greater/lesser degree - I know that when I was under some heavy job stress last year, I was almost incapable of getting much of anything else done in my life. I was still making it to work every day, but that was about it... I agree with you on the messed up biochemistry Is it a coincidence that in these days of processed foods and E numbers that this kind of thing is more common than it used to be? Or are we just more open about talking about it? "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
Thank you for sharing that 'piece' of yourself Spuds... and I do understand. Glad you enjoyed reading it...thanks"A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
wow, i have to say that i understood every single word of what u wrote here, it seems we r very much alike, i have just posted my confession and then i come here and read this :S now thats what i call spooky. sending u loads of hugs and kisses xoxoxoxoxox  I haven't made it over to yours yet...but i'll get there this morning "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
Beautiful post Spuds, I'm so glad to know you and have you in my world (((hugs))) Thanks "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
Thanks I'm soooooo gonna do Oprah "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
I'm glad it helped "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
| ||||
|
I think it wonderful that you took down your wall about this and spoke about it !! I suffer too and guess what I am a Libra myslef so I get ya 
| ||||
|
I think it wonderful that you took down your wall about this and spoke about it !! I suffer too and guess what I am a Libra myslef so I get ya I identify so closely with "The Wall"...in fact it's about my favourite album of all time...I think I've mentioned that before Yeah, us Librans are great arent we?? "A full blown basket of hash browns with a steaming cup of 'WTF?" on the side" Enter my Lair: spudsy1000
|
Become a member to create a blog
