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Blogs > peekabooicu2ucme > Musings and mayhem of my mind

I read that being a realist was a sign of depression, that made me sad.  

peekabooicu2ucme 46F
3728 posts
4/17/2009 6:19 pm
I read that being a realist was a sign of depression, that made me sad.
I have been thinking lately about how we all are together in the one fact that we are all also alone. No matter how well a person may know each of us, no one can know everything about anyone. The fact of the matter is, not many people will ever take the time to know much of another person anyways. And often we do not have the slightest idea of what we mean to anybody else.
The man I have spent the last 10 years of my life has no idea what my secret dreams and fantasies entail and in fact would never beleive that I could ever think of or desire such things. My friends, my family, while they may know much about me and have spent much time with me know much, but not everything. Yet a person in my life less than a week, whom knows basically nothing about me or who I am stumbled upon it almost immediately
with no prompting or hints. How amusing and fun. To be discovered and to explore even virtually the darkest most secret dreams I have.
While this computer world may be a bit busier and impersonal one than years past it also brings new opportunities to explore and discover safely and anonamously if that is what one chooses. It gives chances to broaden our horizons and share our dreams and fantasies without fear.
After all who wants to be judged, ridiculed, looked down upon and scorned for feelings that are just that, feelings. We all have secret selves that the word as a whole would not condone. "Normal" is the thing most everyone strives to appear at least on the outside. Is it any wonder that honesty
is such a hard thing when the fear of rejection is the price? Often we lie even to ourselves in order to satisfy the status quo.
I have lived sheltered in my little self imposed cave for a very long time, doing all I was "supposed to do" and denying myself the possibilities of anything else. Do I want to change the very core of myself? No. I like who I am. Do I dare evolve. Yes. As a very dear friend of mine has said on numerous occasions, "baby steps". Do I impulsively leap at times? Oh yes. Will I regret my missteps? Perhaps. But I will keep my memories and learn from every moment and savor my life. And so I reach out. To help fill that empty feeling that sometimes touches us all.
And perhaps, just perhaps, I will know more of who I am even when nobody else tries to find out.

Come visit me too peekabooicu2ucme
Baltasar45 63M
9207 posts
4/18/2009 7:43 am

 Welcome to the blogs!
Being a realist also includes having no delusions.
<- Profile photo courtesy of Bonding with coworkers


peekabooicu2ucme 46F
4530 posts
4/18/2009 1:18 pm

 Thank you! Don't we all delude ourselves from time to time?
Come visit me too peekabooicu2ucme


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