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| Blogs > peekabooicu2ucme > Musings and mayhem of my mind |
I am my own worst enemy
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I am my own worst enemy We all have our insecurities and faults. Things that we make ourselves mental with. One of mine is that I am unable to shut up when I know that I probably should. And then, I over share. I think it may make some people uncomfortable to have such access to my inner workings and madness. But it is me. Accept me as I am or walk away. It hurts when option B sounds like a good plan, but I understand it. Sometimes I don't want to be near me either. Most of the time I like myself, or at least I try to. People say that they like me usually. But it's usually a shallow thing. It doesn't go much below the surface. Yep, I'm bubbly and cheerful and smile and joke, but sometimes it's just to hide what's really going on. I think the ones that see that get upset by it. Tell me to stop hiding it, and holding it in. When they see that, when they see me, I freak. It disturbs me. Not because I don't like or care about them, but just the opposite. I don't want the ones I love to see my crazy. I want to be perfect in their eyes, even when I'm so obviously not. Sometimes I push away, knowing it will hurt me, but too scared to let it go any deeper. And then sometimes I show all of me. And then I'm terrified. I obsess and worry that I'll frighten the poor person I've just dumped my emotions onto so much that they'll cut and run. I wouldn't blame them. I'd like to run from me too some days. How are you your worst enemy? What are you afraid of?  |
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8/22/2009 9:55 am |
sounds like you and me are one of the same, blimey i walked out of work yesterday, because i knew if i had stayed i would have said or done something i would regret. I am pretty good at keeping my emotions in check and always have done with a joke or smile and laughter. but these days i'm finding it harder and harder not to let it all out and that scares me because im frightened i might hurt someone like a good friend. yours Cxxxxxx
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8/22/2009 5:38 pm |
You worry to much, those who love you do so because of your flaws not in spite of them, and those who don't are missing out. A neurotic moment between friends is just another secret that builds bonds. As for how I'm my worst enemy, it's been said that I have a lot of quit in me. My follow thru hasn't been the best in the past. Personally I just think I can see when somethings not a good fit sooner than other people can. I also hold people up to unreasonable standards sometimes. When it comes to what I'm afraid of I don't really know. There is definitely something I just can't put a label on. I'm not afraid of any person, but I suppose I do have a small fear of rejection. But as you can see, your not alone. We're all crazy......crazy, crazy, crazy.
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<---Why Is pac-man running UP the page???OK~so SCARE me,,,I've got a place on my blog you can send me a 'tidbit' That you think will scare me,are you afraid...
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sounds like you and me are one of the same, blimey i walked out of work yesterday, because i knew if i had stayed i would have said or done something i would regret. I am pretty good at keeping my emotions in check and always have done with a joke or smile and laughter. but these days i'm finding it harder and harder not to let it all out and that scares me because im frightened i might hurt someone like a good friend. yours Cxxxxxx
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I only care what the people I love think of me, and so I don't filter a lot out unless I'm feeling down about something personal that I don't want to share. Sometimes it's better to say what's on your mind though than to leave things unsaid, because you just never know otherwise.
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You worry to much, those who love you do so because of your flaws not in spite of them, and those who don't are missing out. A neurotic moment between friends is just another secret that builds bonds. As for how I'm my worst enemy, it's been said that I have a lot of quit in me. My follow thru hasn't been the best in the past. Personally I just think I can see when somethings not a good fit sooner than other people can. I also hold people up to unreasonable standards sometimes. When it comes to what I'm afraid of I don't really know. There is definitely something I just can't put a label on. I'm not afraid of any person, but I suppose I do have a small fear of rejection. But as you can see, your not alone. We're all crazy......crazy, crazy, crazy.  Nuts all around! 
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Me too Mr. Perfect, me too.
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