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| Blogs > peekabooicu2ucme > Musings and mayhem of my mind |
Out of balance
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Out of balance It's been a productive 2 weeks. My friend came and stayed with me and helped so much! I had to work the weekends and Wednesday nights too, but he kept right at it and every morning I came home there was a bunch more improvements. I'm a terrible person for saying thank you, even when I mean it a lot. I have a hard time accepting help even when I want it or need it, so it kinda messed with me a little bit. I hope my feelings of frustration with myself did not come off as un appreciation. The words, they just don't seem enough. Not that I don't say it, it just seems hollow even when it's not. Make sense? Anywho, he did a bit of babysitting for me too as it'd be silly for my mom to watch 'em here while he's here already. My midgets can be terrors. It frustrates and crushes me that they can be so miserable at times. Let it suffice to say, they were not angels. It's not like this is a new presence in their lives and so they're testing either. I've known him for over a year and a half. They just chose to be defiant and horrid.  Over the weekend they got their dad to play too I guess as I got a speech from him about how my friend is not their dad. No shit. I'm pretty sure no one that's ever spent a lot of quality time with them would choose or want that.  But I do think it's okay to let someone that is watching them to be in charge and I told him as much. Uh, duh, someone babysitting will be telling midgets what to do. Anywho, it was not a fun conversation, but I'm sure I can expect it again. love to play their parents off one another.  So, this friend of mine did so much for me, and has plans to do so much more, I wanted to do something nice for him in return. I left a gift for him in his car with a note, as I didn't want it to be a big deal, or a silly scene. I didn't want or need the drama of either a thank you, or a refusal of my help. What is it about the male species, the really great ones anyways, that makes them refuse help? It's nothing for me to give said help, really, it's easy, and it doesn't hurt me or take away from me in any way, but it'd make a big difference and help him a lot. Yet he refuses. It's a bit crushing to me. I know why, I get it, but it still hurts. I'm a giver, a helper, a fixer. It's a part of my make up. I like to do it. It brings me joy. And yet, my gift will be returned to me much to my embarrassment and sadness. So I'm feeling kinda crappy about this. And yet there is really nothing more I can really do about it I suppose. I'll try and catch up on some more reading this weekend. Gawd you people write a lot in 2 weeks!  |
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Thanks for the advice and all, I feed him regularly though. I was going for more of a big TY. Something hugely different. Whatever. It's not the first time I've fallen flat on my face. 
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I could be wrong but you don't sound like you're overly flush with money, so if you bought him a gift that cost a bit he's probably feeling a bit embarassed that he would be 'taking food from the mouths of babes' or something like that. I have to agree with the others about the food though. Personally, I'd go for something like a little box of homemade biscuits or muffins or something like that. A bit of time and effort put in, rather than money spent, has a lot more appreciation attached to it.
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Thanks for the thoughts everyone. It's alright, it's okay, I'm pretty good at getting back up off the ground when falling down. Tons of practice. And hell, it'll all work out one way or the other anywho. 
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