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| Blogs > peekabooicu2ucme > Musings and mayhem of my mind |
Valentines Day
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Valentines Day  I found all this cool bling a bit back and so I sent an email to the creator. He had a rooster on his profile and I SOOOOO wanted it...but it seems like it's only there and not for the taking. So my email said I want his cock. What? I explained.   Anywho, V-day... I'm not a big fan. I don't piss in other people's cheerios about it or anything, they're happy I leave 'em to it. I've just never really had a good V-day experience, not really. Back in grade school I wasn't allowed to celebrate per my parents religious predications so I got to be the weird that everyone had to make a "friendship" card for NOT a Valentine.  Yeah, I know, no frigging difference whatsoever but it made my parents feel better about the cards I brought home.As an adult...I can't even remember V-day with the first hubby, must not be too memorable then as he wasn't very...how do I put this nicely...smart. Or sensitive. I remember for my birthday one year I got a t-shirt for a sports team. A man's t-shirt. I don't like sports. He did. He got me a gift for himself. Anywho, RB, he was okay with the whole gift giving thing but it was all just so empty. Put on. Forced. Obligated. None of it felt real. It was a day he was told by corporate America and the world in general that he SHOULD buy me stuff. Sappy cards, maybe some candy or some jewelry. Some token gifts. The gestures were appreciated for what they were, I just knew it wasn't from the heart so much as it was a show. A petty mean nothing show. "Lookit what I got you!" Seeking that pat on the head of approval. Showing it off to others as "Look how great I am to her!!!" It was just bull shit. I always reciprocated in kind, but the things I did were always a bit more meaningful, a big deeper than the token gifts and cards and stuff. I'd create my own cards with my own words. I'd find something months ahead of time that I knew would mean something to him deeper than a days forced hand gift. I'd plan elaborate meals or take us out to a nice restaurant. I always meant the love I gave freely, I just always knew deep down that it wasn't reciprocated in same measures. The V-day before I divorced him we went out to eat. I wanted it to be a romantic dinner and I was VERY pregnant with The Wee One. We were meeting friend for a double date type thing. Just before we got there he told me that I was "not a priority" in his life. I bawled my hormonal head off. And then proceeded to pretend that everything was okay in front of the other couple as best I could. It was awful. The following V-day because he wanted me back so badly he tried to do everything right. He sent roses to my work, bought me heart shaped earrings and a necklace, got me a sappy card saying how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, made me dinner. It was all lovely on the surface. But I think it was then that I knew I could never forgive him completely for all the hurt he caused me over the years and that the surface could always look pretty and nice and stuff, but what was underneath it all was bull shit. Not that I'm saying that there's never anything sweet and kind and nice behind the whole V-day thing, for some there really is that deeper thing, the true gestures that are heartfelt and meaningful. I just haven't felt it for myself really and I think I've been far too jaded for far too long to think of it in any other way.  Personally I prefer to show people that I love them every day through my actions and gestures.  So I won't be doing anything tomorrow that I wouldn't ordinarily do any other Monday. And you know, that's alright with me.  What about you all? How do you feel about Valentines Day? Do you celebrate? How?   |
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Ya see there, PB...? All these years I've been thinkin' V-Day was short for Vagina-Day. Well, now that I know the truth... I suppose I can stop waitin' around all year for that; eh? (Oh--wait... I ain't married anymore.)  Of course, my ex-wife never wanted any dick from me... on D-Day (or any other day.) I guess she figured that a day without dick is like another sunny day in Paradise. But... Jeezzzzzus--I can't see why it made any difference to her. Everybody knows that D-Day ain't got nothin' to do with dicks. Though you'd think, at least... I coulda got a freakin' card.  Solar...
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Yeah, I know, you two do stuff year round like him trying to suffocate you with his balls, and you laughing at him for locking himself in...
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Thanks! 
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But will it be a "Manic Monday"? 
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Hmmm, could hand out conversation hearts to all the single men you find attractive... That'd be fun!
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Exactly!  Yeah, the bad memories kinda taint the present sometimes.   
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I'll go look. Love you too girl! Regardless of what day it is. 
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Ya see there, PB...? All these years I've been thinkin' V-Day was short for Vagina-Day. Well, now that I know the truth... I suppose I can stop waitin' around all year for that; eh? (Oh--wait... I ain't married anymore.) Of course, my ex-wife never wanted any dick from me... on D-Day (or any other day.) I guess she figured that a day without dick is like another sunny day in Paradise. But... Jeezzzzzus--I can't see why it made any difference to her. Everybody knows that D-Day ain't got nothin' to do with dicks. Though you'd think, at least... I coulda got a freakin' card. Solar... I'd give ya a card. 
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For some reason I don't think that having a six month old stops ya... Well that's just it, when it's meant, it's meant, "special day" or not. That's kinda my point. I've always wanted to be one of those people or part of a couple that that stuff was real and not just put on. Yeah, I'm a little jealous I suppose, but it's alright, I still love ya and stuff. I'm all for the effort of stuff, relationships are supposed to require hard work because they're worth it...when they are worth it. I try to show PF every day what he means to me, and I see through his actions what I mean to him. "Special day"...they're all pretty special to me. 
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2/14/2011 5:18 am |
Valentines day is attached to bad memories for me, but even before that I was never really a fan. Just like Christmas, it is hard to not feel judeged on what you get or don't get on Valentines day. Follow the script of flowers and Candy, you're un-original and didn't care enough to put any thought into. Show you care with your actions and you're cheap. Go with jewelery and you're in debt. Besides Valentines day really only exists to sell flowers and shitty chocolates. It's all commercial anyways.
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Yeah, I suppose it's all on the outlook or eye of the beholder. My feeling all bummed out kinda colored the way I saw it this year I suppose. That and bad memories popping up. Anywho, enjoy!
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I can take it or leave it. If I'm with a girl, then obviously I'd like to spoil her, but I don't go over the top  
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I can take it or leave it. If I'm with a girl, then obviously I'd like to spoil her, but I don't go over the top 
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Valentines day is attached to bad memories for me, but even before that I was never really a fan. Just like Christmas, it is hard to not feel judeged on what you get or don't get on Valentines day. Follow the script of flowers and Candy, you're un-original and didn't care enough to put any thought into. Show you care with your actions and you're cheap. Go with jewelery and you're in debt. Besides Valentines day really only exists to sell flowers and shitty chocolates. It's all commercial anyways.
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