Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now
Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now
| Blogs > peekabooicu2ucme > Musings and mayhem of my mind |
:-| *sigh
|
:-| *sigh  I know enough to realize that once you say something you can not take it back or unsay it. I know this and yet sometimes stuff I didn't mean to let slip out does anyways. Today I kinda lost my cool a little bit. Cinderella has been especially difficult to deal with this week and has been lashing out spreading hate and discontent whenever she opened her mouth.  I get it. She's a . She has a lot to be angry about. She's angsty and full of hormones. She's trying to test her boundaries and pissed that she has them. I do get it. But FFS, sometimes enough is freaking enough! She asked me in a fit of rage what my problem with her birth mom is. I started to tell her. I know I shouldn't have taken the bait. I know I should've taken the higher ground and whatnot. I know. But I did say some things she's never heard before.  I do not want Cinderella to turn out like Dirty Bitch. I want her to stay respectful of her own body and to have dreams higher than collecting welfare illegally from age 15, instead of working for a living. I don't want her to think are a paycheck from the government and the 'baby daddy'. I do not want her to think that being high is an answer to anything. I don't want her to think dropping out is an option. I don't want her to think lying to everyone is an acceptable thing. I do not want her to think that selling herself to pay for anything is a great alternative to getting an education and a career. I want her to have morals and standards. I want her to be successful and happy. I want her to have respect and be respectable. I want her to know how to be trustworthy. These are the things I told her. Not all in that nice of a way I'm afraid, but it's the main gist of it. She asked me why I put up with her.  I told her that it's because I love her, even when she makes it damned hard to like her and because I believe that she can be better than what she came from. All of this on the way home from her therapy session.  I asked her if she had anything she could think of to want for a reward system type thing. Something to look forward to. She said no, I can't give her anything she wants.  Then she amended that to that I give her everything she needs so she doesn't want anything. I'm going to think of something anyways even if it's just an ice cream night or something like that.  Anywho, it's going to get better...it's going to get better. Is it better yet?  Anyone with any words of wisdom?  |
|||
|
Hang in there. This too shall pass.  BehindMyBlues
| ||
|
PB... I'm gonna throw a couple things out here: "I want her to have morals and standards... Anywho, it's going to get better...it's going to get better." ...PB "When I have slipped I always offer an,'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that'. It doesn't erase what was said but it lets them know that you do feel bad about saying it." ...MrsR Being sorry... is not the same as 'being wrong'. If you say or do something wrong, you can be perfectly content with it and still be wrong. And if you are content, does that make the statement or action somehow 'right'? And, on the other hand, you can say or do something 'right'... and be absolutely sorry and miserable for it. But... if you're sorry and miserable, does that fact make the statement or action 'wrong'? You have to be consistent and "factual"--truthful, too. Kids are incredibly innately intelligent little shits. And you can't teach a child right from wrong (morality) by simply making a statement or performing some action. They will bust your ass--every single time! You have to be willing to live it. And that means... admitting any wrong-doing (the truth--in appropriate doses and at the appropriate times)--in word or deed. It's a process of their learning how to identify reality--through you. Mind you; it's a hard-wire process, too. Moral coding... is very, very difficult to modify, once installed. It ain't like having a compiler at hand, with an error-correction routine built-in, for use on "moral" source-code rev-changes. I've found that my kids (not my own; my ex-wife's--I was just lucky enough to get them early on), grew up with about as good a set of moral certainties (once I got my hands on them) as I could have hoped for--as if they were actually mine own kids. But-- it wasn't from my being their "friend". It was from my willingness to stand on right and wrong... whether it hurt their feelings--or even my own. I could tell you specifics; but there ain't time or room in your BLOG. Suffice it to say... they had their problems; but they got through them. So did their mother and I. Now, they have their own kids... and grand-kids; and those kids will have the benefit of being "hard-wired", with the ability to discern (and practice) right from wrong... because their grand and great-grand parents stood on that moral high-ground... out there, way past the playing fields of "friendship"--out on the battlefields of parenting. I don't see them much, these days. But... I'm pretty sure they respect me. I know I respect them. Don't get me wrong--I ain't accusing; just saying.  And, PB... It don't necessarily get better--not until they have kids of their own... and you can see the results of your own efforts reflected in those children they are raising. That's when you know, for sure, whether you were right... or wrong; and almost always... it ain't until then.  Is 28:9 Whom shall he teach knowledge? and whom shall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breasts. 10 For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little: Solar...
| ||
|
Hang in there. This too shall pass.
| ||
|
I did apologize. When she talked to her dad she asked if some of the stuff I told her was true. He confirmed it. She asked me how anyone could be that evil. I didn't know what to say other than that it's why I've kept it from her all of these years, I didn't want her to be hurt by it. I've always told her the truth, but there are some truths she doesn't need to know right now. I hear ya on the feeling like it's a low blow sometimes...even if it's true.
| ||
|
It makes it hard because DB is such a skilled manipulator. She's popped in and out of Cinderella's life so many times and hurt her in so many ways that when she acts all contrite and sorry and loving and tries to say that her dad and I've lied to her and kept them apart even when she disappeared for months/years at a time with no forwarding info, it confuses her. It makes her doubt. What kind of a mother does that to her children Cinderella wonders? It makes little logical sense to her when she sees that I do everything for ALL of my kids. I also know that kids identify with their birth parents always looking for 'where they come from' and anything negative they see scares them, or makes them feel badly. She does have an excellent therapist. I know she helps. It's just a very bumpy spot we're at right now. She's trying to grow up and wants no boundaries. I'm loving the tomato idea!
| ||
|
PB... I'm gonna throw a couple things out here: "I want her to have morals and standards... Anywho, it's going to get better...it's going to get better." ...PB "When I have slipped I always offer an,'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that'. It doesn't erase what was said but it lets them know that you do feel bad about saying it." ...MrsR Being sorry... is not the same as 'being wrong'. If you say or do something wrong, you can be perfectly content with it and still be wrong. And if you are content, does that make the statement or action somehow 'right'? And, on the other hand, you can say or do something 'right'... and be absolutely sorry and miserable for it. But... if you're sorry and miserable, does that fact make the statement or action 'wrong'? You have to be consistent and "factual"--truthful, too. Kids are incredibly innately intelligent little shits. And you can't teach a child right from wrong (morality) by simply making a statement or performing some action. They will bust your ass--every single time! You have to be willing to live it. And that means... admitting any wrong-doing (the truth--in appropriate doses and at the appropriate times)--in word or deed. It's a process of their learning how to identify reality--through you. Mind you; it's a hard-wire process, too. Moral coding... is very, very difficult to modify, once installed. It ain't like having a compiler at hand, with an error-correction routine built-in, for use on "moral" source-code rev-changes. I've found that my kids (not my own; my ex-wife's--I was just lucky enough to get them early on), grew up with about as good a set of moral certainties (once I got my hands on them) as I could have hoped for--as if they were actually mine own kids. But-- it wasn't from my being their "friend". It was from my willingness to stand on right and wrong... whether it hurt their feelings--or even my own. I could tell you specifics; but there ain't time or room in your BLOG. Suffice it to say... they had their problems; but they got through them. So did their mother and I. Now, they have their own kids... and grand-kids; and those kids will have the benefit of being "hard-wired", with the ability to discern (and practice) right from wrong... because their grand and great-grand parents stood on that moral high-ground... out there, way past the playing fields of "friendship"--out on the battlefields of parenting. I don't see them much, these days. But... I'm pretty sure they respect me. I know I respect them. Don't get me wrong--I ain't accusing; just saying. And, PB... It don't necessarily get better--not until they have kids of their own... and you can see the results of your own efforts reflected in those children they are raising. That's when you know, for sure, whether you were right... or wrong; and almost always... it ain't until then. Is 28:9 Whom shall he teach knowledge? and whom shall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breasts. 10 For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little: Solar... I'm sorry that the truth hurts her, hell I'm sorry that it is the truth. She sees the difference between her birth parents and myself. She sees the behavioral and moral difference very well and tears them apart verbally to others on a regular basis. It doesn't stop her from loving them though and that's only natural. It frustrates her that they can not be actual parents. They are far too immature and selfish to ever put her first. I know she sees that I always tell her the truth though she's hoped I was lying. It's just a hard bunch of truths she was born into. Cinderella knows I'm not her friend, I'm her mom. I take the job seriously. Hard wiring her is more difficult than the other girls because of her earliest years being so unstable. She has come a long way though. Some days are just bound to be harder than others.
| ||
|
Thanks! I'm sure they will.
| ||
|
I always give it to her straight, I just keep some of it in the closet when I can until it's more appropriate to divulge certain facts. 
|
Become a member to create a blog
