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Blogs > 49AK > Out of the Ordinary

About Honesty...  

49AK 62M
646 posts
1/27/2007 4:44 pm

Last Read:
1/20/2009 11:54 am
About Honesty...

[post 692344] as did some of the people that commented about your blog...

Honesty is probably the single most important thing that someone needs to know about me. I have no secrets about my relationship status, and any reasonable question I will answer honestly. Outside of that, you'll get a 'none of your business' before you get a lie. And I am thrilled to find out that so many people feel the same way about it that I do. However, I can't help but feel sometimes that I am penalized because of my honesty.

I have heard many stories from women here on Local Adult Companion about how they meet someone, and get involved... only to find out at some point that they're married, or in some other kind of committed relationship, and their presence on Local Adult Companion is a secret. I personally have also had the same experience with women that are being dishonest with their partners about being on Local Adult Companion... and I have even written a blog or two about it -- check the basement in the first room.

Of course, it is often difficult to tell on the surface if someone is being honest with you... If they're intent on lying to you, you have to take them at their word. Even if they are being honest with you and tell you that they're cheating, that still poses an important ethical and relationship problem that for me can't be resolved.

The reason is that your relationship with someone that is cheating is a relationship that is predicated on deception. If you're with someone that is cheating, you give them all the power to determine the specifics of the relationship (and by default, you're passing that power on to their oblivious partner, who dictates the schedule and terms by which your<b> illicit </font></b>partner can see you). In other words, you can see them and call them and do things with them only when it doesn't compromise the 'dirty little secret'.

Clearly there are people out there for whom that is acceptable. It doesn't work for me, however, because I can't have a sexual relationship without having an emotional relationship. I MUST care about my partner. When I stop caring about her, it just becomes about me getting off... and honestly, both my left and right hand are adept at that, and don't require dinner or a hotel room. The reason to do it is to experience intimacy with someone else... and that requires your head and heart to be in the game... at least for me.

If a relationship is like a plant, and it grows and flourishes in the environment that it exists, a dishonest relationship will never be more than a seedling. It will sprout and grow, in search of light and warmth, but it can never mature and flower, because the key ingredient, honesty, will never allow true intimacy to develop. No matter what, you'll always be the 'dirty little secret'.

So why do I feel cheated? Because it would be so easy to lie in my profile, post a different picture, make things up about myself, and become the life of the Local Adult Companion party. Because I don't, people who might otherwise find me interesting and fun and charming, and perhaps not a potential partner, but maybe a good friend, just keep on going because I'm "not what they're looking for..." Those same people lament the lack of honesty... but the honest people openly show their flaws, but are apparently not rewarded for that.

Perhaps I am mistaken, and I shouldn't feel cheated, but rather, lucky. I've met some wonderful people on Local Adult Companion... all of whom appreciate my honesty. Perhaps those people that I never get to know well say they want honesty, but their actions belie a different motivation... and that isn't very honest, is it?

OK, so honesty is important... and it tops a lot of people's lists. My question is... if you KNEW someone was honest, but they had other flaws that didn't seem that attractive, could you forgive some of them to pursue a friendship with a truly honest person?

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