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| Blogs > ladyj_1957 > Lady J's Musings |
Just need to get this off my chest.
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Just need to get this off my chest. I had a lover for over six years. We had a discreet relationship that we both honored. Somehow though, his wife got into his emails and learned about me. We immediately severed our ties, no questions asked, as this had long been understood could be the scenario. Although, I did receive some threatening emails from his wife and some crank calls in the middle of the night. Time passed and I made a stupid mistake. I texted him a simple line saying that I hoped he was surviving. Within a week, I received a letter, delivered by a process server. My husband answered the door and accepted the letter. I managed to feign ignorance and my husband either believed or turned a blind eye. [We long ago agreed that if I needed more, my husband didn't want to know anything about it. I think he turns a blind eye to all that is suspicious.] The letter was very suspicious looking. I was in several different fonts and looked like part was photocopied and then printed on. It also surprised me that it was not even in an envelope. I wondered at the time if it was truly sent through his lawyer, or had his wife and a friend that happens to work in the law office concoct this scheme to frighten me. If he had anything to do with the letter, it is terribly unfair to me. I did nothing to cause his wife or family to learn about his infidelity. I took what his wife had to dish out and didn't make matters worse for him. I have honored our agreement to be discreet. How could he tell anyone my name (even a lawyer with confidentiality)? How could he give them access to my address? Did it dawn on anyone that my could (or in fact, would be the most likely to) answer the door? While out today, I saw him and his wife across the theater lobby. I hurried into the theater and prayed not to have to face him. Of course, as I waited for the movie to start, I wondered what I would say if I did ever have to face him again. I'm not really sure. I might demurely utter hello and keep moving. What do you think you would say or do? "Don't count the days, make the days count" |
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Leave it alone. Period.
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12/21/2013 10:19 pm |
I've had a similar situation in the past, although my now ex-wife didn't find anything out until after our divorce... but the ex and I walked into a store and i came face to face with my ex lover... we exchanged glances, but said nothing, more or less acting as if we didn't know each other. My ex didn't know her, so the chance meeting wasn't recognized. So at this point, it depends on who is with whom at the time of the meeting (is his wife or your husband there, kids, etc...) as to what to say or do... and also whether or not you and his wife know or recognize each other... if she doesn't know what you look like, then it may be best to just ignore them and move on w/ your life (though I know how hard THAT can be at times!). Best of luck!
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I would contact him and confront him directly about the process server and the letter. If it was not him, then he has a more serious problem at home than he may realize. Never ignore those who care for you you will have lost diamonds while you were collecting stones
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My thought on the letter is that his wife and one of the paralegals in the law office concocted the letter and paid the server to deliver it. When I received the letter, I should have made an appointment to see the lawyer and verified the letter. First off, he should know if his staff is using his name. Secondly, I would have learned the truth about whether my lover was involved in having me served. Thirdly, I could have had my turn in voicing my feelings without feeling threatened that legal action would be taken. "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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I know it is hard, but let it go. You agreed a long time ago to walk away if needed. Well, that is what is needed. Walk away.. I know, easier said than done, but it will be best.. I have been on both sides of this at different times. Not to the extent of fake letters being sent, but the walking away was best for all involved.. Good luck my friends..
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I'd still contact him and let him know you were threatened and you're not going to put up with it. I've always been of the mind to not put up anyone else's guff. I like your idea of contacting the lawyer. Really? What legal action would be taken? They don't want to air their dirty laundry in public. What is she going to say? That she was such a poor or boring lover her husband sought affection elsewhere? If it is him, what is he going to say? That you put a gun to his head and forced him to have sex with you for over 6 years? HA! Call their bluff! Never ignore those who care for you you will have lost diamonds while you were collecting stones
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shake it off and let it go its not healthy for you .
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No advice, but I hope he had nothing to do with that, that's really horrid.  Don't talk to me about rules dear, wherever I stay I make the Goddamn rules
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Maybe your need for that extra, needs the be replaced by something else and then you can let go.
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I would just ignore and move on...You did the right thing..he probably had to give in to his wife to make the peace...So he was not a stand up person...But you, who have your act in a row...just forget and move on...
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1 post 12/27/2013 11:04 am |
the best way to get over a man is to get under another one asap.i,m avialible.regards G
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Sounds pretty bad. I doubt the letter is legit. You could probably call the law office and ask them about it, they would be very unhappy to know their letterhead is being stolen and used for something like this. But they might try to fire someone or sue someone (this is something they would take very seriously) and you don't want to get embroiled in anything like that.
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If he is going through a divorce, he might be compelled to provide your name and address during interrogatories. If that information gets used to harass you, then it is an inappropriate use that unfortunately no one in the legal system cares about. Short of criminal acts, judges seldom care what adults do to each other. Therefore, I agree with several other people who commented. Dropping the matter may be the least painful of the various possible responses.
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