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Blogs > rm_highbrowkink > It's a Lifestyle?

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!  

rm_highbrowkink 51M/50F
73 posts
12/18/2010 8:03 pm
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Let it be known that Pedro has totally learned his lesson.

In my most popular post to date (The Single Man39s Guide to Not Completely Fucking Up Your Chances to Get Laid), I told men never to brag about their alleged sexual prowess. I said "you just sound like a blowhard" and like you "feel a need to compensate for your inadequacies by boasting."

So, of course, this means Pedro is smart enough to follow his own advice, right?

Well, since I recently wrote a blog post entitled Pedro would like to brag about his sexual prowess, clearly I am not smart enough to follow my own advice.

I'd like to remind everyone that I allegedly know what women don't want because there are two women that tell me. I have no wisdom of my own; I merely repeat their complaints, mixed in with fifty dollar words like "uxorial," and pass it off as wit.

So, yes, single guys, I'm a dumbass just like you are. I'm just a well-trained dumbass.

Whether or not you are a superstitious sort, I would advise you to remember and respect the sex gods, because they have a strong dislike for braggarts and hypocrites. They also have a particularly cruel sense of humor.

After posting today's entries, my only plan for the remainder of the afternoon was housework. I honestly had anticipated nothing more glamorous than vacuuming and washing dishes. Yet, mere minutes after I clicked that "Add" button, a beautiful female friend appeared at my front door and, completely unexpectedly, said to me, "I'm horny. Can we have sex?"

Between the accomplishment that prompted my initial round of boastfulness and sex magically appearing from thin air, I figured that I must be the favorite of the sex gods. But the sex gods will sometimes elevate a man just so they can knock him back to earth.

I had this beautiful, naked woman in my bed, and things were going very well. Less than ten minutes in, her eyes were closed, and her breathing had entered that rhythm that indicates that a man is doing something very good, and should certainly not stop doing that thing. I was very pleased with myself.

And that's when the sex gods donkey-punched me.

"Little Pedro" (not his real name) decided that his shift was over, and that he was clocking out early. This came as a complete shock to me. Usually, if the little guy has decided that he's not in this for the long run, he starts letting me know that almost immediately upon being placed into service. This was different. One minute, he was sending me the signal, "All systems go, boss. We can do this all night, if need be." The next thing I know, I hear a tiny, muffled voice yelling "Geronimo!" from inside the condom.

And then I was done. And she wasn't. I swear I heard mocking laughter from the heavens.

I normally go to great lengths to avoid these situations.

So, allow me to throw myself upon the mercy of the sex gods and beg their forgiveness. I promise, no more boasting.

Ummmm … at least not for a while? See, I've already got my next blog post partially written, and it's really nothing but hubris on my part. But it's amusing hubris. That makes a difference, right?

You, see, I could really use the favor of the sex gods. Tomorrow, Annie's beloved New Orleans Saints play Nicoletta's beloved Baltimore Ravens. I was really hoping that this would turn into a jersey-ripping catfight that ended in a sweaty, passionate makeout session. So, I could really use the help of the sex gods to make that happen. We're cool, right, guys?

What if I promise a major cunnilingual sacrifice before the end of the next fortnight? Would that help?

rm_Buck_U_ 58M
86 posts
12/20/2010 6:31 am

 Irony is the cruelest form of justice. I assume you at least broke out the 12" hardness to placate the dear girl after?


rm_highbrowkink 51M/50F
89 posts
12/20/2010 9:02 pm
    Quoting rm_Buck_U_:
    Irony is the cruelest form of justice. I assume you at least broke out the 12" hardness to placate the dear girl after?
Buck, if there's one thing I always have, it's … an elaborate mustache, actually. But if I'm allowed to have two things, the second one is a a backup plan.

I try to never leave a lady unsatisfied, so I always have redundant failsafes in place, just in case of that rare system failure.

In this case, I didn't have to be that resourceful. Annie was nearby, so I called her in to take over for me. She did a much better job than I would've done, anyway.


rm_Buck_U_ 58M
86 posts
12/21/2010 2:55 am

 Nothing beats a well oiled tag team that works well together.


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