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| Blogs > New2Midlo > Fun with a normal white guy... |
Love - It's a Verb, Dammit
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Love - It's a Verb, Dammit Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about love. We all want to love and be loved; anyone who claims they don’t is lying. Those three little words can so intoxicating to hear from someone you think hung the moon. But, do we really understand what it means to love someone? To me, it involves so much more than emotion. To me, love is a verb. Emotion is the feeling that forms for those we feel very strongly about. It’s sort of the ‘secret sauce’ of a relationship and something that I’m not so arrogant to think I can tackle explaining. You can read one of the myriad of studies on the topic, should you wish to delve deeper into that particular facet. Blah, blah, blah…tell me something I don’t know. Okay, how about this? Love cannot be love without commitment, a conscious decision to consider the other person’s happiness and well-being as a priority in your actions. The highest and most<b> explicit </font></b>form of this commitment would be marriage vows. Alongside commitment, comes sacrifice, because in order to place that priority on the other person’s well-being, it often requires you to give something up. You don’t buy the Porsche so your wife will have the funds for grad school. You sacrifice willingly and happily for the other person. The two components of emotional bond (e) and commitment (c) must total up to some value, which I won’t attempt to quantify here, in order for true love to exist. However, both must be present. This basic structure applies to all forms of love; romantic, familial, love of friends, etc. The ratios will fluctuate accordingly, depending upon the type of love. I’m sure we all know a couple who’s been together forever and their entire lives revolve around each other. Huge e and c. What about some other examples? A mother loves her newborn baby more than life itself, but beyond the whole imprinting and chemical stuff, how much emotion could she really feel for a screaming, poop machine that won’t let her sleep? Yet, she loves that baby because of an unbreakable commitment to its well-being. On the flip side, we have way too many members of our society who allow their emotions to run amuck, fall for every person they sleep with, and call it love. But when loving that person becomes work and requires effort, they’re not quite as in love as they thought. The emotion may have been there, but the commitment was non-existent. And that’s one of the reasons our divorce rate is so damned high. Fortunately, I’ve only experienced this with one woman I loved. She was all in for the lavish dinners, vacations, gifts, and attention heaped upon her. But, when our relationship required work (in this case, honest communication), she ran for the exit. I’ve dated enough women to have heard every rationale known to man for their previous marriage ending. I can completely buy infidelity as a valid reason to walk away. Abuse, a no brainer. A marriage isn’t much good if one of the partners doesn’t honor their commitment to the other. But, there have been a few who have told me ‘I fell out of love with him’, to which I always ask how that occurred. Didn’t you try to work to save the marriage? It’s caused a few less than pleasant moments when I’ve followed up with ‘what happens when our fairy tale ends? Would you fall out of love with me too? Should I just sign over half of my assets now?’ And, that tends to be my cue to exit. So, I end by asking my readers a question. Do you know how to love? Now, get off my lawn… |
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