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A Man From Long Ago. A Poem  

yesmamallthetime 56F  
4469 posts
7/16/2018 9:05 am
A Man From Long Ago. A Poem


Have you shown me your heart?
Your empathy and compassion?
Please let it not be for show.
A facade to just get close.

I remember an episode.
My first lover
How he spoke with
Such care and understanding.
How he even cried
In front of me.
I thought to myself
He was kind and caring
So I let my guard down.

He was recently broken up
From some out of state girlfriend.
I thought he was available.
I thought he could be the one
We each had our demons
We could join forces
And together
We could fight them.

We had wonderful conversations
Such cerebral stimulation
He was cute
With his slightly upturned nose.
With lips that almost always
Seemed arranged in a smile
They looked like kisses
Were made for them.
Were mine the perfect fit?
That was my thought.

I was 21
He had just turned 27
On April 4th.
Yes that day has significance.
Double sailboats
Portending not a very good hand.
He was a twin
To a sister.
She was so much more
Put together
Like his other ones.
He the only boy
So he was spoiled.
Throughout his life
All his troubles
All his scrapes
Were dealt with
Fixed as best as possible
Little scarring to show
Until he lost
Too much control.
That with the help
Of alcohol.
Then it was rehab
Or he would
Lose it all.

He went to AA religiously
Although he followed
No religion.
He was an atheist
Having learned too much
About life's absurdities
And existentialism.

His higher power
I can't recall
What he thought
About that
Except that he
Knew it was mostly
A day job.
Oh yes, he said God
Was an anacronym
For good orderly direction.

One day at a time
Dealing with cravings
Dealing with negativity
Not beating himself up
For his failings.
The serenity prayer
Coming in handy
Again and again.

Where did I fit in?
I cringe now thinking
How freaking naive I was
I was to be
His first virgin.
Something he could reminisce
Perhaps recall fondly
The girl whose
High heel shoes
From our first date
He bought
As a keepsake.

When he told me
He didn't want to
See me anymore
That he was going
Back to the out of state girlfriend
I slapped him
Across the face
And said
What were the tears for?
The tears he shed
That made me think
He was human
And not a monster.

He seemed to think
The slap was befitting
For he apologized
For treating me so bad.

We sat in his living room
Rocking chairs
Sparsely furnished
By design
For he had millions
In a trust fund
That he lived off of
He explained about the ex
How she needed him.
I was in shock
Here I thought
I found the love
Of my life
But he just
Thought of me
As a lark.

I was glad for
The rocking chairs
It had a calming effect
He had to give me
A ride home
To my dorm on campus.

On the way there
He played Diana Ross
And the Supremes
Ain't No Mountain High Enough
He was fond of the group
And joked he wish
He had a chorus
Who followed him
And backed him up.

It's been a while since
Went into such detail
Of this farce.
How I realize
It's par for the course
My life one episode
Of getting close
After another
Just to suffer<b> rejection
</font></b>And heartache
Not long after.

I know I am not the only one.
I know there are many
In this lonely and
Broken hearted club.
We have stories
Many chapters
If I meet you there
Will you show me
Actual kindness
Or will it be for show
Like this man from long ago?

Independently Romantic Sounds Better Than Lonely


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