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Blogs > secret_lade > Ramblings of the depraved.....

Putting into words....  

secret_lade 49F
14389 posts
10/13/2019 9:02 am
Putting into words....

Some topics are a lot harder to open up to then you realize.

For me, this is one of them.

I have a friend.... I don't consider him a boyfriend. I've known him for a long time, and remained faithful to him for a long time, but I know in my heart the relationship is not a good one.

He is kind, and fun, and I enjoy spending time with him.....

But he is also using me. For as long as I've known him he has had no reliable source of income, instead working temporarily for family and friends to just eek . It has come to the point where everywhere we go and everything we do is funded me.

A single mom who works a stressful job for an anal retentive boss.

Not only am I putting a roof over my head, food on my table, taking care of my 's needs, but I'm also supposed to support an adult man who choses not to be gainfully employed??

I've distanced myself from him.

He commented to me one day something I'd heard him say about his own father many times. He would often say "He's got more than enough, he can it" when he would complain that his dad didn't him enough for work he had done for him. Work that most sons do for their parents out of the kindness of their hearts...

When I heard him say to me "You can it, you've got more than enough" after I had rejected a night out to save , I knew the relationship had run it's course.

We don't live together. He has no intentions of marrying me.

What is there for me in this relationship?

I knew it was over when my cousin died a few weeks ago. The only family member in Michigan, I had to handle it all until his flew in from Texas. The moment I chose to handle it alone instead of calling my friend for support, I knew it was done. I knew that if I called, he would be right there, but he would be penniless as well. Not only would I be putting myself up in a hotel in GR, and for my food and essentials, I would have to for him as well.

I refuse to support a grown man any longer.....

secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
10/14/2019 3:26 am
    Quoting Mroldstudmuffin:
    The whole purpose of a relationship is to have someone put your needs above their’s. What good is it if they don’t reciprocate?
One of the reasons I didn't refer to him as a boyfriend/significant other is for that very reason.


Mroldstudmuffin 71M

10/13/2019 2:46 pm

 The whole purpose of a relationship is to have someone put your needs above their’s. What good is it if they don’t reciprocate?


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
10/13/2019 12:27 pm
    Quoting  :
I'll look it up.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
10/13/2019 10:41 am
    Quoting PhotoGuyOP:
    Definitely not a good relationship for you. Well thought out and written. Maybe that's what you needed.
I have been struggling with this for a while....


PhotoGuyOP 50M
Ask me for a photo

10/13/2019 10:30 am

 Definitely not a good relationship for you. Well thought out and written. Maybe that's what you needed.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
10/13/2019 10:18 am
    Quoting 12211male:
    Been there myself, I became her handyman and her banker..after six years and ten grand, I finally had to admit the sex wasn’t worth the drama..Drop the loser, you’re only stressing yourself out...
Sage advice from someone who has been through it as well.... I am ready to stop stressing about it.


12211male 60M/54F

10/13/2019 10:01 am

 Been there myself, I became her handyman and her banker..after six years and ten grand, I finally had to admit the sex wasn’t worth the drama..Drop the loser, you’re only stressing yourself out...


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
10/13/2019 9:54 am

 He is kind and sensitive.... but a leach none the less.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
10/13/2019 9:53 am
    Quoting RavenGB:
    The cash isn't the issue - it is the lack of fulfilling relationship from your side. If the guy was a broke Prince Charming, you could live with it, but when you get nothing from the relationship (except sex which is easy to come by for a woman) and have to foot the bill, the only question you need to ask is why has it taken you so long to tell him goodbye?
I think part of me didn't want to be alone anymore.... I have always held out hope he would get his shit together and get an actual job. That, of course, did not happen.


RavenGB 63M
1430 posts
10/13/2019 9:46 am

 The cash isn't the issue - it is the lack of fulfilling relationship from your side. If the guy was a broke Prince Charming, you could live with it, but when you get nothing from the relationship (except sex which is easy to come by for a woman) and have to foot the bill, the only question you need to ask is why has it taken you so long to tell him goodbye?


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
10/13/2019 9:46 am
    Quoting mc_justmc:
    I had a friend who wanted me to join her in S. Padre for 4 days for free. I bought all the meals and split the gas with her. No way I could have enjoyed it knowing she was footing the whole bill. Your better off without him.
I'm a progressive girl and don't mind paying for things, but I'm still old fashioned enough to believe a guy should take a girl out on a date. You're a true gentleman MC.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
10/13/2019 9:35 am

 It has taken me a while to come to this realization, but you are right. I held out for a long time wanting to believe he would change his ways.... It never happened.


tryme992012 64M  
49 posts
10/13/2019 9:32 am

 get rid of him he is just a leach


funsnellvillecpl 66M/54F  
3901 posts
10/13/2019 9:27 am

 ditch the bum, he doesnt deserve you


mc_justmc 63M

10/13/2019 9:15 am

 I had a friend who wanted me to join her in S. Padre for 4 days for free. I bought all the meals and split the gas with her. No way I could have enjoyed it knowing she was footing the whole bill. Your better off without him.


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