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| Blogs > rm_SensualSapio > Well Crafted Words Turn Me On |
Stretching the Limits of Acceptance
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Stretching the Limits of Acceptance In the last two years, I have spent time on FetLife. I have learned a great deal about the range of ways in which people express their sexuality. I am very thankful to the many people there who have openly shared what they what they do and what they experience and what they feel. I value FetLife, despite the crudeness and the crassness of many of the men there and the vulgarity of some of the women. What I have learned there has been me going back to it, much more than the silliness crass commercializes and social stereotyped limits of books like the "Fifty Shades of Grey" novels. During my time on Fet Life, I have deeply come to appreciate and to feel what it means to say: "My kink is not your kink, but I can accept your need to express yourself in this way sexually, as long as it is sane, safe and consensual." During my time there, I thought I was a tolerant kind of guy, who could accept anything that two adults could do within this framework. But then one of the men, who I had been following for years, who described himself as a sadist tipped me over the edge. I had always thought that he and his companion were kind of extreme, but as long as it was clear that what they did was consensual, it was ok with me, even I knew that there was no way that I was willing to do to another what he did to her. Then he posted a picture of having stapled her labia and I lost my tolerance. Then there was a women with who I became friends. Her writing about what she was experiencing, the feelings was so exquisite and insight that I deeply appreciated both her craft and her sharing as she expressed what she was thinking and feeling and the thoughts she was having as she experimented around kink exchange with a new partner she taught me much about what it was to be another person whose experience of life and sexual exchange involved the extremes of pain and was was so different from my own. Then they began to explore a kind of physical exchange which left her with what will be permanent scaring and I felt repulsed rather than intrigued. It is several weeks later now, and I have not been back to FetLife in the meantime, as I have been thinking about these people's experiences off and on as I write erotica I have come to the realization that there are limits to my tolerance and I am glad that there are. Contacted kink exchange is all about sensuality to me about the intensifying of pleasure my own pain / pleasure boundary is often confused enough especially when the hormones get flowing that I am prepared to negotiate a lot of different kinds of behavioral exchange that I am prepared to top and to bottom in ways that go beyond vanilla sexual interaction. But I now know that there are certain things that I just will not do even if they are things that my partner wants to have done to her. Mark permanently ... Cut the skin to cause blood to flood Deal with scat or urine Role play in ways that involve animal roles Engage in daddy / baby girl exchanges Live out master / slave permanent arrangements Sane and Safe and Consensual is a two way street it means that what we do has to be so for me as well as you, and much as I am prepared to stretch who I am and what I believe in order to satisfy the needs of my partner there are things I am will not do. But oh the intensification of physicality the deepening of release the driving up of hormonal driven threshold points are sure part of the exchange that I like to be into both giving and receiving and kink is only part of life it can only happens within the broader living in which I deeply admire self aware, self confident, thinking partners individuals who are first and foremost independent self accepting people who happened to been born female I will no longer look at the parts of FetLife that show the kind of behavior about which I am less than tolerant and I believe myself to be a better person for it Thanks for visiting Hope that my words Left you with a stirring or a thought or two Leave a comment please even it is only a word or two ... |
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I hear you listening to your own both deeper and higher self here. We all benefit when we do that and find our own sense of integrity.
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Hi Author51 I have not become convinced that the pain pleasure threshold is as individual and different for each one of us Our genetics is so rich and capable that we are each so different in the way that we experience things Marvelous really to be human and the recipient of this rich gift given us by our evolutionary history Thanks for visiting Hope that my words Left you with a stirring or a thought or two Leave a comment please even it is only a word or two ...
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Morning BrownEyedBBW Thanks for your comment. People come in all shades of feeling, color and desire Each of us comes to a point where we know what works for us and what does not Your view solidly says and supports that Thanks for that Thanks for visiting Hope that my words Left you with a stirring or a thought or two Leave a comment please even it is only a word or two ...
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I think it's important not to confuse tolerance with concepts such as criticizing, wanting to do, curious to try or turned on by a particular activity. What I'm reading is that you said, "your kink is definitely not my kink and it's fine that they to of you do it, but it makes me sufficiently uncomfortable that I'm going to step out of the room until you're done". That's the way it's supposed to work in the world of kink. We all have things that a beyond the pale for us: Some people would be uncomfortable verbally degrading their partner but are turned on by asking him or her a human ashtray; the human ashtray might find pony play or suspension by hooks is too much. All of this to say, I think you are tolerant. In the world of kink, tolerance doesn't mean that we have to be okay with or comfortable with everything other people do. This is about pushing a person's boundaries and some peoples' boundaries are pretty far out there. If you weren't tolerant, you would have posted comments that would shame one or both people, make a big public deal about how you feel, etc. I think you're just fine.
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