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| Blogs > VenusRedux2 > Conversing with the Divine |
When Talking to Black Women
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When Talking to Black Women Guys work themselves into all kinds of problems when talking to black women. Understand there are different rules for black women than for white women. I hate getting into conversations about race on my blog, it isn’t what my blog is about. It is not that I'm uncomfortable with it, it is just a bigger subject than I know how to handle by my lonesome. There’s just too many layers to it, too many nuances. However, there’s a lot of guys out there who simply don’t know how to talk to black women … and talking to women online IS what my blog is about, so I guess I have to address this particular subset of race relations. Here’s some things I hear a lot when talking to guys. Most of the time when it happens to me, I blow it off. Make no mistake, however, just because I didn’t make an issue out of it in the conversation itself doesn’t mean you didn’t lose points for it. You lost a TON of points. So here goes… "What u up 2?" Universally, no one likes texting abbreviations. It comes across as adolescent. What’s next, aLtErNaTiNg CaPs? It just isn’t cool. It just looks ridiculous and infantile. Grow up already. To black women, however, there’s an added concern. Is he coming at me like this because he thinks I’m some hood rat? Is this lazy typing, or thuggish street slang? It’s bad enough when black guys do this, but white guys doing it is doubly reprehensible. I don’t buy it is an abbreviation or an accident. There’s just no way you can’t "hear" the ebonics in that, even in text form. The alternative is to try to explain how your grammar actually is that bad, and that’s not exactly something that impresses the ladies. "You into white guys?" Don’t ask. If you want to be progressive, play off the race issue as if it were the most normal thing in the world … because, one day, you’ll realize it IS the most normal thing in the world. The rest of us are already there, you’re the one that has to catch up. I’m also not "into" you simply for the color of your skin. If you want me to be into you, you better say something intelligent … and quickly after that ignorant question. "I’ve got a thing for black girls" Thank you for reducing me to a mere fetish plaything for your amusement. Conversely… "I’m not normally into black girls, but you’re pretty" Go to fucking hell "I can say this because I have black friends..." No … no you can’t. I don’t care what comes next, if it needs that preamble, then you can’t say it. It is excused in various ways, not just that one, such as "…because I’ve heard black people say this..." or some other lame-ass excuse. The reason is immaterial. The very fact that you have to first justify it means you already know it is wrong. "You don’t talk black" First, this is ignorant. Second, were you expecting me to talk in street ebonics? You must have been in order to be surprised. The fact that contacted me at all expecting me to talk like that indicates you were deliberately looking to go "slumming" with me. I’m not slum material. Thanks for marginalizing me like that. "I don’t see color" Pretending my heritage doesn’t exist isn’t progressive. Spread the word. This actually has the effect of demeaning my racial identity. I’m not ashamed of where I came from, we don’t have to make it into the pink elephant in the room and collectively pretend it doesn’t exist. What you want to do is embrace diversity, not homogenize it. The very fact that posts like this are necessary means you SHOULD be taking race into account. This is about as idiotic as saying “I don’t see gender” or "I don’t see age." Of course you see it, and you respond appropriately. Same here. I wouldn’t say "talk to me like anyone else" by way of conclusion, as there are some definite trigger issues that you should know to avoid. In the end, I don’t know what to tell you. On this one, there is just no substitute for genuine racial sensitivity. If you don’t have it, I can’t help you with a blog post or two. If this is hard for you, maybe you shouldn’t be navigating these waters. |
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V, ay ay ay... when men find out I am Latina, I get the "Oooh hot! All you Latinas are supposed to spice things up, right? Sex with a Latina! Muy (pronounced by Americans like "mooooo eee") caliente!" ugh, no. Just because I pass for white with a lot of guys but then they find out I am Latina, that is not a compliment. The passing or the excitement over finding out I am Latina. I can imagine how men can be with Black women... just as stupid, just as irritating. Just as long as they don't ask you to touch your hair. And yeah, I get that, too. I make a joke about it, run your hands through my hair at your own peril... kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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If I may entertain an actual situation that happened A couple of years ago.I was called up front to give a cashier a price on a product these two black girls were buying as I approached the girls were laughing hysterically and the cashier was saying no you aren't one of the girls says he can't believe were sisters what do you think?I said that's a loaded question isn't it and she say's he gets it. I had to explain it to him what this hip and extremely witty girl was trying to say.Needless to say she became a regular at the store and she was always razing him because she thought his blushing was so cute! Was that out of line? Using more than all the road!
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Love your comment about texts and abbreviations. They just plain are obnoxious no matter who sends them. I am not in your skin but I truly appreciate the manner in which you presented these social aberrations that exist across the board. Thanks for a thought provoking blog (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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I love chocolate, just looks better, part of the girl thing is beauty, something that is nice to look at. You are a human being and your mind is the same as mine, when talking it is mind to mind, heart to heart, there is no difference. We all eat and go poo poo, we are told that we are different because divide and conquer lets the 1%'ers win.
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4/3/2017 7:21 am |
Well said! "I don't see color" makes me walk away and gag.
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Interesting post. I would say that generally there are rules for talking to women. Women of all races can be offended by any of the situations you describe above. You could easily substitute asian or brown or black or native or any other race or ethnicity. The issue of abbreviations is universally challenging. I get messages from women of all ages and some use them and some don't. Sometimes I have to look them up or ask what they meant. I don't attribute it to age..just personal style. Not mine mind you, but as long as one can be understood. It is after all about communicating and being understood. The words matter. People should choose more carefully. Have a great day.
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well written
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FYI: There’s nothing wrong with staying out of those waters, I myself stay out of social circles where I don’t feel comfortable I'm not exactly "kicking it" in the ghetto, nor am I in with corporate executives. I know my place and where I belong.
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