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| Blogs > sensualtension21 > Ramblings of a Sub's Mind... |
Blessing and A Curse
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Blessing and A Curse ***nonfiction rant*** Blessing and A Curse I tell people all the time that I’m not like other girls. I’m a very shy and scared submissive. My kink is 150% mental which makes it very hard for me to fall for these excessively aggressive men on this site who are under the impression that by logging on they are entitled to everything I have and am. Even worse than that are the ones who solicit my time for quick hook ups and flings. Yes, I like to be spanked but not for the reasons most believe. I like being spanked because I know after the pain comes the pleasure of him caressing my sore bottom. Yes, I love being choked. Not because my breath is being taken away, but because he chooses when I can have it back. Yes, please flog or<b> whip </font></b>me as long as your arm can lift the<b> whip </font></b>or flog. My pleasure comes from your praises for me being such a good girl and taking all you had to give me. Often, men in these dominate positions assume the only effective approach to getting what they want is to either use force or bark orders. I do not respond well to either approach, which is why I require time to get to know whomever I am considering submitting. My kink isn’t in being told to sit, stay or roll over. My kink lies in knowing all the idiosyncrasies that make you tick and providing what you need without having to bark orders or use force. I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer and I’m sure I could be wrong on many levels, I may not even be the submissive that I think I am. Which leads me to my next dilemma, I am torn on where I truly belong. I am on the proverbial fence. I stay on my fence because it is safe. On my fence, I am not used in the bad way. On my fence, I am not judged, insulted, humiliated or hurt. My fence is small but it’s mine and I don’t have to allow anybody on my fence who I don’t want to share. On my fence, I can just get my feet wet in the lifestyle without committing fully. My fence allows me to look down at everyone else and say, “that’s them, not me”. Sadly, my fence does not give me the opportunity to feel the satisfaction of letting go. It won’t let me breathe freely knowing I am no longer in control and I do not have to be either. My fence prevents me from experiencing how good it can really feel to submit my body and present it to a dom or a master for him to use as he sees fit. My fence, my safety net has now become a blessing and a curse.  |
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4/9/2017 11:02 am |
After reading this, I certainly understand your dilemma and truths of this site. Real life is much different and I ask you keep that in mind. The web allows for people to be someone that they aren't. Whereas real life does not- well, in most cases. Your fence, your safety net is good to have, truly, however you must be able to take the leap to a nearby limb, travel the branch and see how strong it is. If it's the wrong branch, there are others to choose from. Vetting your dom, is simply a long process and rushing it, will produce a high chance of unhappiness. Hope to continue reading your stories and thoughts.
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