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| Blogs > hereforyou6217 > A Charming Wreck |
Things I suck at, part the first
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Things I suck at, part the first Not many people know this, but it's been kinda a tough time for me lately. I've felt like my last six months have been spent having all of the aspects of my job that I suck at (which, admittedly, are myriad and varied) laid before me and put under the microscope of all of my superiors. It hasn't been fun, to say the least. But as of yesterday afternoon, I'm on vacation. And that's a pretty gigantic YAY. Not only that, but I have a new calendar year coming up, and hopefully this will be a chance for me to start anew, improving at work and becoming the kind of worker that I can be proud of. Or, possibly, I'll take an audition for a great job and get it. One of those two things, anyway. Anyway, since I've had to face all of my professional demons (in a very serious way), it made me think about all of my personal demons (in a very not-so-serious way). This was brought home to me yesterday, while I was wrapping a present for a very good friend of mine. See, I can't wrap presents. Can't do it to save my life. I worked at Barnes and Noble for about a year and a half back in my other life (God, that's nearly ten years ago now), and I improved then, but yesterday I was wrapping this CD, and I looked at the job I'd done, and thought, "God. This looks like the work of a rabid squirrel. A drunk rabid squirrel. And not that really mellow kind of wine drunk, but a full-on, Cuervo Gold, gonna-wake-up-tomorrow-at-noon-with-millions-of-smaller-squirrels-running-around-inside-my-head-with-hammers drunk." Wow. That's one hell of a sentence, right there. Things I suck at, part the second? Possibly. Let's talk a moment about wrapping paper, shall we? Because of my ineptitude at judging angles, I can't seem to quite get the proper scissors-to-paper angle, so every time I try to do that cool thing where you just push the scissors along, and the paper just magically cuts, the paper inevitably jams the scissors, and I end up with an edge so ragged that it looks like Tara Reid after a three-day bender in Cancun. I may as well cut the damn paper with my teeth. And when I fold the paper around the thing-to-be-wrapped, it always slides around in the paper. Why isn't wrapping paper sticky? Can someone please patent sticky wrapping paper? Because that would be genius. I put the book/cd/rotten fish into the wrapping paper, fold the paper over the end of the book/cd/rotten fish, and as I'm folding, the book/cd/rotten fish comes trundling out the other side like a disgruntled turtle. By the way, I was just kidding. I would never give someone a book. Who reads anymore, right? And every damn year, there's at least one present where I misjudge the required amount of paper and end up giving myself a choice: I can either start the whole torturous cycle anew-- cutting, jamming, ragged-ing, taping, sliding, folding, cursing-- or I can swallow my damn pride, get another small piece of wrapping paper, and use it to cover the exposed flesh of whatever it is I'm wrapping, thus making it look, yet again, like a drunk, rabid squirrel got into the wrapping paper. Have I gone to the well too many times with the squirrel thing? The mental image is what's doing it, really. Blame my brain. Everyone else does. Tape, paper, scissors... these are my new fresh hell. Damn things make me want to go to all gift bags. |
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Ever watch The Office? I watch it when I remember and just love that damn show - they do a lot of overlapping dialog stuff and last night on the the 3 second tossaway bits was a man looking earnestly at a woman, like he was really listening, and she was saying "If you use more than three pieces of tape, you're doing it wrong." Cracked me up. I think it's gender-based. We are predisposed to be able to wrap gifts, you guys are not. But I still don't know what a First Down is, so I guess there is balance in the universe. Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
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I watched it last week when it was new, and DVRed it, and watched it again last night when NBC replayed it. Me, too, lmao. Every damn scene just kills me. It's like we KNOW these people! Dwight doing a silent freak out on his Benihana's seating, the rival parties and oh! oh! oh! The uptight blonde! That woman deserves an Emmy, my goodness... and Steve Carell is a freakin genius. ------------------- "No go" on the gender speciality exchange idea. The equivalent to that would be me TEACHING you to wrap a present. And let's face it - I don't want to really understand a First Down anymore than you want to learn how to wrap gifts properly.  Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
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Yes, the waitresses line! I'm gonna go add Little Miss Sunshine to my Netflix queue right now. I was talking to Little Miss Curious on the phone the other day and we were cruising my space and we found you, btw. Fischer is a playright, isn't she? That's just it about that show - those people really come across as middling office staff yet are some of THE BEST talents. Okay, new tangent - another show that captures characters like this - 30 Rock. I miss the days when there was only garbage on TV. I got so much more accomplished, lol. Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
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By the way, this post was declined for about 12 hours because of a certain two-word combination. The first is the word that means "not alive", and the second is "body". If you replace the words "rotten fish" with that two-word combination, I think that paragraph is funnier. Sigh. The words "fresh hell" at the end were also originally the word that means "to cause extreme physical pain in the pursuit of information", but I think I actually like "fresh hell" better. Just in the interest of full disclosure. 
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Of course we'd succeed at getting him graduated from Present Wrapping U. I mean heck, we're teachers, right? Present Wrapping U. Ha. Spiffy??? Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
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~ imaginez u, that CD, the wrapping paper ~ then addz DaHotWahine to the mix.... and there's Curious....  ~ coverz virgin eyez ~
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If she wants Spiffy, she can have Spiffy, absolutely. Apparently [blog travelingintexas] is in need of Gift Wrapping 101 as well. Although it appears that he might have crossed over to the Alternative School. Fighting tape dispensers? Nah, I live in Hawaii and can get some obsolete Tshirts at a good price - let's just call them the Bows. Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
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