Scotch with two drops of water
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Posted:Sep 6, 2009 1:08 pm
Last Updated:Sep 6, 2009 7:13 pm
12152 Views
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Something to smile about.......................
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,
'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...'
The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.
In fact, this one is on me.'
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming up,' says the bartender
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming right up,' the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma 'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'
The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'
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Old Is When........................................................
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Posted:Sep 6, 2009 1:06 pm
Last Updated:Sep 6, 2009 7:12 pm
12138 Views
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'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs
and make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you
on your new alligator shoes
and you're barefoot.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy
and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going braless
pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police
'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action'
means you don't need to take any fiber today.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car
in the parking lot.
'OLD'IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up
to use the bathroom.
AND
'OLD' IS WHEN....
You are not sure these are jokes?
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Fond memories of a bi time long ago
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Posted:Aug 17, 2009 12:04 pm
Last Updated:Sep 8, 2009 1:27 am
12377 Views
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Some one in a discussion group asked about first time bi experiences from bi curious women.Well I qualify for the bi curious part.My first bi experience was with a good friend of mine about 4 years ago who has since died. She always had a birthday party at a hotel where she could let lose with her friends. Well at the time it would never dawn on me why I was invited for she knew I was as straight as one could get. Well I was enjoying the company of the many men that was there and she asked me could she kiss me. Well she was a real good friend and I wanted to fit in so I let her kiss me. Well one thing led to another and she made love to me in front of a room full of people. I have never in my life had an orgasm like that but I have found out in later years I have very strong orgasms with women, unlike the ones I have with men and I don't know why. I have only had 2 other experiences th women but I remember them fondly. I may jump the fence now and then and I may not be completely honest with myself about being with a woman but never say never I say........
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Oh what A Night.......................................
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Posted:Aug 16, 2009 12:59 pm
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2009 1:50 am
13036 Views
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I got a call from an old friend from out of town, we talked awhile and he asked me what I was going to be doing later in the day or that night. I told him I was going to a party with some friends but if he was still wanting to see me call me and let me know where he was going to be and I would find him. Well, the party was getting boring and I kept looking at my phone to see if he had called. About 11 p.m. he called and left a text message. I immediately got aroused for he is the most unusual lover I have ever had. He makes you feel like a woman and more. He talks to you and makes you feel good to be in his arms. We talked for a bit over coffee, exchanged pleasantries but you could feel the sexual tension and the need to take care of business. When we got to his room he immediately kissed me hard and full on the lips, I almost fell over from the touch. Before I knew it he had unhooked my bra and was loving on my nipples like only he could do. And when he started licking on my honey box, I saw stars, heard thunder felt the room move. He is so passionate about what he does to a woman it is unreal. he had my clit so engorged I wanted him to stay there and keep licking. He slid his tongue in my honey box I think I passed out for a second it was so good. Our favorite position is doggy and what he can do with that I will never understand. He took hold of the posters of his bed and he gave me the pounding I sorely wanted and needed. He is a man that loves to tell the woman what he is doing and telling her how he feels.He wants the woman to tell you she loves him even though we know we don't but it makes for a better sexual experience. He gives new meaning to the word fuck. He gives his all and I had so many orgasms I lost count after 4. And staying power, this man climaxed a couple of times and never got soft. He would change positions and keep pumping. And the thick head of his cock made for good sucking. I love to hear him moan when I tickle the underside of his cock with my tongue. I slowly slide his cock down my throat and came up the same way lingering on that crown. His pre cum tasted so yummy I couldn't get enough of it. I massaged his ball with my hands and my breasts and he nearly went into orbit. I brought him to the brink of cumming but I wanted him in me again so he laid me down and he entered me with such precision and the timing was just right for as soon as he made one stroke I came as if he knew when he hit that G spot it was over for me. And it was. I am a woman when you hit that spot just right I shake, I quiver, and cry all at one time. I felt limp and faint but I was going toe to toe with this man for I knew it would be months before I would get to experience this again. I wanted to make him cum harder than before so I got on my knees and I was sucking for for the gold. I massaged his nut sack and sucked him hard and long. I think when I started to squeeze his nipples I heard the sound that I knew I had struck gold. He moaned louder than I ever heard him moan and that bed rocked. The more he moaned the harder I sucked and the harder I sucked his body was mine to control. He was pumping my mouth and I was loving every minute of it. His cock was growing in my mouth and I knew that was the beginning of the end. He doesn't like to cum in my mouth but he loves my titties and as my mouth released his cock he unloaded all over my waiting breasts. I massaged it in as it ran down my chest. It seemed like he came for a minute but I know it wasn't that long. It took both of us a few minutes to collect our thoughts and after a sexually charged shower he walked me to my car and kissed me good night and good bye for he had to hit the road after a long nap. I love being me. I might whine about lack of dates but I do have a couple of guy friends( and girl friends) that really know what I want and how to get it out of me.
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For My Friends That Think They Are Not Good Enough To Land A Lover
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Posted:Aug 9, 2009 1:22 am
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2018 11:50 am
13297 Views
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I hope for all those that read this, first, think about how you treat those that don't fit your criteria and how it must make them feel that they are not good enough to be seen in public with you due to the fact they might be a "non skinny" person then after you read this think again how we really don't care what you think of us we just want a chance.
We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that
only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice
cream with my , a good dinner with a man who makes me
shiver and a coffee with my friends. With time we gain weight
because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our
heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to
the rest of our bodies.. So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously
cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at
my butt in the mirror I will think, ¨Good gosh, look how smart
I am…¨
AMEN!
( This applies to my male and female friends. I love you all... )
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The Gangbang
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Posted:Aug 2, 2009 9:44 pm
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2009 12:27 pm
13350 Views
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This was my birthday weekend. I have had a blast all weekend. But the last day of my weekend something happened and I don't know why. They were having a gang bang at the local swingers club and I decided to go. Well after sitting there for a few minutes and looking around the room I realized that was not the place for me to be. Yes, I go to the swingers club on Saturdays but this was a different avenue. I didn't know a lot of the people there and they were staring at me like I was lost, which really I was. I could sense that I was going to be sitting alone just like I do in the chat rooms, no one to talk too, just alone and wondering why I came. I thought I was more open than that but I am choosy about who touches me and that was not the way I want people to know me. I have tried so hard to fit in , going to meet and greets, hanging with the "cool" people, having sex with men and can't talk about it. That's the most painful reason right there, being sworn to secrecy. I am discreet and I respect the men who I sleep with. But the fact everyone is on the "down low" even the single ones are on the down low. But I can bet you money if I was white it wouldn't be a big secret, but that's something I have to deal with and I will. This is not a rant about race just realized I am human and I know right from wrong and I know my limits and the gang bangs are not for me. Maybe with a friend but not alone there were no single women there anyway, but me maybe they came later but i didn't wait to find out and I am not sad about it. Today is my birthday I am 55 and fabulous and I am going to be fabulous for a long time...............Can You Dig It?
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Reflections Of Life( not looking for a comment just had this on my heart)
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Posted:Jul 27, 2009 12:44 pm
Last Updated:Sep 3, 2009 10:09 am
11122 Views
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Today I realized that all of us are the same
No matter who you think you are, in one way
we're all the same, male, female
red, yellow, tan, black or white, we're all the same
When the rain poors down, or the oceans rise,
lightning lighting up the sky, in a hurricane
or tidel wave, in a whirlwind tornado style
when the earthquakes and the ball breaks
the needs of people don't evaporate
And the cost is high or else you die
When you breathe IN and Exhale Out
Remember We ALL Breathe THE SAME AIR !!!!!!!!
That makes us all the same
Stop playing your foolish game
When push comes to shove
Unconditional Love
Is the Only way To Win the game!!!!!
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My Opinion.....................................................Yes Here I Go Again
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Posted:Jul 12, 2009 8:46 pm
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2009 1:34 am
12170 Views
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I think I have addressed this issue before. I think I have some friends that will vouch for me too. But has some of the chat rooms become cliques? I mean I go into chat rooms to make friends, to talk to people with the same likes and interests I have and you just sit there and the crickets start chirping. Most groups are couple only groups and as you all well know I am not a couple so that leaves me out of that but they have similar interests of mine. I know this blog is going to upset some but you know what I just don't get it. I am not trying to create problems but I am trying to fit in with groups and chat rooms. I am not looking for hook ups just wanting friends, male and female. I guess it's just the ways of the world. I am not going to make a big stink about it I have talked about it before and no one really cared I was called a whining old bitch maybe I am but it's my blog and this just comes up to often for my liking.
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5
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Looking For Barbie
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Posted:Jul 7, 2009 10:15 pm
Last Updated:Sep 3, 2009 10:07 am
12211 Views
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Are the men still looking for Barbie? I haven't had a date or a nibble in a long while so I figured Barbie was on the prowl again. I am proud to announce I am down 1 pant size and a half dress size but I am not doing it to get a man. I am doing this for me, yes for me......................and because my doctor told me I needed to. But still it's for me..............
So have dating changed any? Do I need any instructions or maps or guides to find happiness? If so please let me know I will be a quick study and a willing participant.
Have a Very Brady Day .......................
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Last Will and Testament( in light of all those who just really needed a laugh during this time )
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Posted:Jun 29, 2009 12:24 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 12:56 pm
10945 Views
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I,__________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Glass of wine
Chocolate
Margarita
Martini
Cold Beer
Chocolate
Chicken fried steak
Cream gravy
Sex
Mexican food
Chocolate
French fries
Chocolate
Pizza
Sex
Ice cream
Cup of tea
Chocolate
Chocolate
Chocolate
It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, let the 'fat lady sing,' and call it a day!
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The Real meaning of single according to Jeff Foxworthy
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Posted:Jun 27, 2009 1:45 pm
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2009 4:01 pm
11569 Views
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S= staying
I= intoxicated
N= nightly
G= getting
L= laid
E= everyday
I know this doesn't apply to me but I know there are a lot of my single friends that are enjoying life to the fullest and jhave the time of their lives.
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To all my blogging buddies
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Posted:Jun 18, 2009 12:35 pm
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2009 11:19 am
11842 Views
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I am losing a most trusted friend Friday, my little silver ball. It has been a part of my Local Adult Companion life for a long time but things have gotten to where I just need to give the ball a rest and let it have fun elsewhere. I am not leaving but seems like things have slowed down and men are not searching as much as in the past and I am not on the site as much as I use to be. I hope you my friends will drop me a line every now and then seeing i will not be able to access mail like before I think I can do 1 or 2 a day and I have found viewing web cams will be difficult but you know me i will be laughing and having fun like always. So when my life picks up i will be back talking about life and the nasty little secrets it holds.....................
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One for the girls
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Posted:May 30, 2009 1:11 pm
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2009 11:25 am
12303 Views
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Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, Please no bags,
And please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, Please no gray
And as for my belly, Please take it away
Please keep me healthy, Please keep me young, And thank you
Dear Lord, for all that you've done.
Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on who doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
Footnote:
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob: 'If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.'
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To link to this blog (Tennbroad) use [blog Tennbroad] in your messages.
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