Objectification
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Posted:Nov 3, 2006 1:08 pm
Last Updated:Jan 22, 2007 11:20 am
2221 Views
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I wrote this this morning on the way to Miami. It's kind of confessional-- hopefully you'll still think I'm a nice guy when you're done reading it. Hee.
It's seven in the morning, and I'm up, dressed, and on the van driving from Tampa to Miami. It's a long trip-- five hours or so-- and I'd fully planned on sleeping for at least the first hour or two of it. But alas. I woke up in my hotel room this morning at about 6, thinking about this entry. Now I'm unable to go to sleep. I guess that's when you know you've been hooked on this blogging thing... when crafting entries keeps you up rather than putting you to sleep. Heh.
Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about something my roommate said yesterday. See, our tour is making its way through Florida, visiting a number of colleges all over the state. We've been to Gainesville, Jacksonville, Orlando, Tampa, and now we're on our way to Miami. Now, college campuses-- especially those in Florida-- tend to have lots of pretty pretty scenery to look at, and as five men in our early thirties, we look. A LOT. And like most men in our early thirties, we talk about looking. A LOT.
Cut to yesterday. After the gig, there were two broadcast journalism majors who wanted to get some footage of us for a voiceover assignment. They called our bosses, talked to them about it, and got permission from our bosses and from us to shoot us performing and, well, doing whatever it is that we do.
So we show up to the gig, and these journalism majors are there, and it turns out that they're both unbelievably gorgeous young women. Seriously. Both of them were about 5'3" and petite, one with long straight blonde hair and one with long, curly brown hair. They were very sweet, patient, and competent with the camera. They looked as if they weren't too terribly familiar with the equipment yet, but that they'd get there. The shots they set up seemed pretty good, and when they moved the camera around during the recital, they were actually able to do it without calling attention to themselves and causing a disturbance.
After the gig, they wanted footage of us packing up the van, so they hung around and waited while we figured out how to get the van back to where we were and get it loaded. We sat around and talked to them, asked about what they did, why they were filming. Made small talk, basically. And yeah. We ogled a bit. But (at least I ) tried to keep things halfway subtle... but I did take notice of a few things that maybe I shouldn't've been able to see. (Yeah. I'm a bit of a dirty old man, but if the blonde in the short skirt shifts in front of me, and I happen to see that she's wearing pink panties, or if the brunette in the super-low-cut top moves and her bra pulls away and I see that she's got those little puffy nipples that drive me nuts, I'm going to catch that glimpse. I'll look away, but I'll catch that glimpse first.)
So we get back into the van, and immediately we start talking about these women. No, we don't talk about their competence with the camera. We don't talk about how efficiently they worked, or about the questions they asked in the interview part. We talk about how hot they were. Now granted, some of us were more lecherous than others-- one guy's talk about how he wanted to find out what club they danced at was particularly gross-- but, with the exception of my roommate, we were all kind of in awe of these women. My roommate, on the other hand, makes some faux-light comment about "swordfighting" and clams up. I can tell something's amiss.
Back in the hotel room, we're changing and getting ready to get some food when I ask him what's up. One of the first things he says is that he "know[s] he has a different take on the whole 'objectifying women' thing, but... the looking is getting out of hand. The comments, the ogling... I mean, we get it-- you're heterosexual!". I have to say, though this wasn't surprising, it made me think about what it is to objectify. I tend to think of myself as a good little liberal-- and that includes believing in the equality of all people, regardless of gender, race, economic background, or whatever. I believe that, when you see a person, you should try to see the WHOLE person. To tell me that I'm objectifying women definitely triggers my "liberal white male guilt" complex. Do I see these women as sexual beings? Damn right I do. But I think the thing you have to remember is that that's not all there is. I like going to strip clubs. I'd hoped to go to one of the Tampa ones last night, but it didn't work out. But when I go to these clubs, I do like to actually talk to the women, ask about them, Treat them like real people. Yeah, I'll go and do a private dance with them, but I talk to them afterward. I look at women on college campuses. The sexuality is on display there-- it's like being in a nature preserve full of peacocks, and every one of them has their plumage in full effect. You can't HELP but look. But I don't think the mere fact of looking, of noticing the sexuality that is fully on display, is necessarily by itself objectification. I think that happens when you begin to think that that's all there is to that person. Or when you don't care if there's more to that person.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better. Maybe I'm just deluding myself, and I'm really just as much of a pig as my roommate's saying we all are. But I know that sexuality isn't the whole story. You don't spend as much time on this site, with peoples' sexuality on display, without knowing that. And guys, if you make the mistake of thinking that the women here are ONLY sexual beings, you can't wonder anymore why you're not having any luck. The whole story's much more interesting, and if you take the time to find out about it, you'll have a lot more fun.
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Sleepy in Jacksonville
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Posted:Oct 31, 2006 10:07 pm
Last Updated:Nov 1, 2006 5:27 am
1959 Views
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The tour continues, unabated. The onward rush of day by day, hotel after hotel, drinking beer and valiantly fighting (and generally losing) the good fight against bar food. It's almost one in the morning, and I'm very very sleepy. Tonight's show wasn't very good-- at least, the first half wasn't-- but things improved after the intermission.
When we walked out onstage tonight, no one clapped. At all. That was unnerving. And this was at a music school, for crying out loud. They knew better. But for those of you who are new to the whole classical-music-concertgoing thing, here's a primer on what to do and what not to do...
1. The very first thing you should do when you sit down in your seat is TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE. We are putting every bit of concentration we have into making music for you. That thing goes off, and it's like throwing a bucket of cold water on us. Not good.
2. If, for some reason, you need to have your cell phone on (i.e. you're a doctor and peoples' lives are in the balance), for the love of GOD, people-- the damn thing has a vibrate function for a reason. And if you get called, take it outside. See number one for the reason why.
3. When the performer(s) come onstage, please greet them with applause. They will smile, look at you, and bow. If you don't applaud, that gets very awkward.
4. If, for some reason, you're late (shame!), before you barge in, listen for a moment at the door. If there's music coming out, you wait. Again, it's about avoiding unnecessary distractions. Listen at the door until you hear applause, or at least a lengthy silence.
5. If you consult your program, it will tell you when to clap, and when NOT to clap. If a piece is listed as having several movements, it's customary to hold your applause until the entire piece is done. If you're in doubt, just wait to clap until other people do. That way, if you're wrong, at least you're not the only one. Heh.
So there's lesson one about going to a classical music concert. And you should totally go-- it's amazing what great instrumentalists and vocalists can do. If you're looking for suggestions, just let me know. I'll be happy to point you in the right direction. Thanks!
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One to go...
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Posted:Oct 29, 2006 8:50 pm
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2006 7:04 pm
1999 Views
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October is awful. In my job, the worst months are June and October. Just to give you an idea of my October, I haven't been into work, haven't sat at my desk and checked my work email, since about the seventh. That's three weeks ago. When you look at Outlook and see that "Three Weeks Ago" tab and realize there're new messages there? That's bad.
So tomorrow I leave for Florida until next Saturday. Should be fun, though it will be a bag drag-- a different hotel every night of a six night tour is brutal. But it'll be OK. I'll have internet access most of the time, and I'll be with friends, and I'll have my yoga mat. So all is right with the world.
Don't be a stranger. Comment. I don't qualify as a comment if I have zeros in my comment box. So dammit, at least say hello. Tell me I'm full of shit. Something!
Sigh. I'm off to bed. Crazy early morning tomorrow. Y'all have sweet dreams, and try to get laid. 'night.
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Falling
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Posted:Oct 29, 2006 5:07 am
Last Updated:Nov 16, 2006 9:28 am
2006 Views
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So... that happened.
Something I say at the end of things, when something's abrupt and somewhat unpleasant. Kinda like the end of my summer.
Some of you might be wondering where I went. Well, between relationships imploding (well, to be fair, almost imploding), my wife almost dying and needing major surgery, my mom having a heart attack, some problems at work, and a tour schedule that the word insane was made for, life's been pretty intense for me lately. I've been around, I've been reading other peoples' blogs (perhaps yours, perhaps you've even seen me comment), but in terms of actual sitting and writing, I've been woefully negligent. Hopefully I can change that.
You know, I'm a bit of a film buff. Well, as much as I can be in this area, anyway. But I enjoy movies. Last year, a director I really enjoy, someone who delights in totally fucking with peoples' heads (see: Memento), made his first headlong plunge into mainstream cinema with, of all things, a comic book movie. In doing so, he ended up making what very well could be a classic in the genre. But there was a line in the film-- an exchange, really-- that really resonated with me:
Alfred: Why do we fall, Master Bruce?
Bruce: So we can learn to get back up.
OK, so before you fire up Outlook, I know I probably totally screwed up the quote. But you get the point. Getting back up is the important part of falling down. Thing is, it's nice on the ground. The ground isn't especially hard, and the best thing about it is that no one really expects anything of you while you're down here. You can just hang out, take a little sleep, relax, and recouperate. No one asks anything of you while you're on the ground.
Thing is, nothing great ever really happens on the ground, either.
Nothing worth doing is easy. I tell my students that all the time. But when it's you sitting there on the ground, feeling bruised and battered, it's hard to feel much like getting up. But at some point, you know it's time.
The summer's over. Fall's here, the temperature's dropping, Michigan's playing football, and it's time for me to get my ass up off the ground.
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Quick...
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Posted:Oct 26, 2006 5:22 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2006 9:41 pm
1953 Views
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Ok, so this is just a quick one to get me started. I'm off to Atlanta today to do some work-related stuff (and I still have to pack... BAD J!!), but I wanted to say that, in the interest of keeping my throngs of adoring admirers happy, I am, in fact, still alive. And I'm interested in blogging. And I still have stuff to say. I've been selfish lately, keeping it all to myself, and for that I'm sorry. Can we hug it out?
Thanks for the show of support, friends. It doesn't go unnoticed. We'll talk soon.
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Follow-up
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Posted:Jun 17, 2006 10:35 pm
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2006 3:18 pm
2201 Views
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OK, not that anyone apparently gives a crap...
but it went well. 
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Nerves
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Posted:Jun 16, 2006 4:03 pm
Last Updated:Jun 16, 2006 9:01 pm
2149 Views
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OK. So I know I haven't posted much lately. Or, you know, at all. It's been crazy here lately, seriously. Shut up, you don't even know. But today? Today I open up.
See, I've mentioned before that I'm a musician. I've been a musician more or less all my life-- started singing before I could talk, that sort of thing. Today I'm a full-time professional classical musician, and in my small world, I have a bit of a reputation. I'm known. Not WELL-known yet, but known.
So this weekend, I've been given a huge chance to increase my visibility among the community of people who play my instrument. There's a conference of sorts-- a "camp", I guess-- that one of the best-known young instrumentalists (young meaning a year or two younger than I am) in our field. There are going to be several people there who are fully capable of helping me along in my quest to improve my career standing. And I've walked out on a huge limb-- I'm premiering a new piece of music with the group I play with on this concert, as a soloist.
This was going excellently... until Monday.
Sunday morning, I woke up with a little tickle in my throat. Didn't think much of it, started with the Airborne, figured I was coming down with a little cold. Monday morning, pretty much the same. But by Monday afternoon, sore throat had brought his friends headache, sinus pressure, and body aches to the party, and I went home at lunch, slept and relaxed the rest of the night. Tuesday morning I felt better, went to rehearsal, and played the piece with the group. It went well, but as the morning wore on, I felt worse and worse. At lunch, I knew I was in trouble when I got in the car and it felt awesome to just sit in there with no A/C on. In Georgia. In June. So I went home and took my temperature-- it was 102.9. Called the doctor, they told me to come in first thing the next morning.
When I came in (those of you keeping score at home know it's now Wednesday morning), the doctor told me that I had a form of pharyngitis. Good news? Totally treatable, unlike the common cold. Bad news? I couldn't go back to work for three days, because I was highly contagious. Also bad news? Pharyngitis, especially Strep Throat (the form I suspected it was) REALLY sucks. Three days? That means my first day back would be Saturday. The day of the concert.
So at this point, I've played the piece with the large group exactly twice. I've felt so awful (I was right, by the way-- it was strep) that I haven't touched my instrument since Tuesday morning. It's a wind instrument, so the fact that my throat's still partially closed off is kind of a problem. So basically, the time I'm supposed to be spending getting to the top of my game has been spent trying to fight off an infection. And I just tried to play the piece right before I sat down to write this. Let's just say tomorrow may end up being a bit of an uphill climb.
I've never been the kind of person to get nervous in front of a crowd. I have pretty serious exhibitionist tendencies. I've been an actor. I've fronted a rock band. I've been a soloist on a world stage. I've never really been nervous about it.
But right now? Right now, I'm nervous as hell.
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It's all in the hips.
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Posted:May 3, 2006 9:17 pm
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2006 6:08 am
2305 Views
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Anyone who knows me-- or really, who has talked to me at all in the last year-- knows that I'm really into yoga. I go to yoga classes at least four times a week, and I do practice at home some (read: not as much as I should).
One of the things about yoga-- one of the things that I'm dealing with the whole "do I buy this?" thing with-- is that there are physical centers in the body that store spiritual and emotional energy. Kinda like the eight chakras-- eight points throughout the torso and head that store, radiate, and resonate with the energy that keeps us alive and human.
But one of the big principles in this is that the hips are where we store our really intense emotions-- especially pain and trauma. It's said that really intense work with the muscles of the hips can bring those really intense emotions out. It's not unusual for people to cry or get angry during hip-opening workouts. I've actually experienced this myself, a little-- I didn't have THAT intense an experience, but after a lot of hip work, I spent an evening being really introspective and quiet. It was a little odd. And you can say that I was just in that kind of mood, but... who knows?
So in my classes, I've noticed that my hips are not terribly open. I've actually hurt my knee, and I'm beginning to realize that that probably happened because of a lack of mobility in my hips.
All of this kinda came to light last week, when I was getting a massage from the therapist at my yoga place. She was working on the hip joint, and all of a sudden, she ran into an incredible amount of resistance. She was putting all of her weight (which, admittedly, wasn't all that much) into a tinytiny place about the size of the pad of her thumb, and it still wouldn't budge. It hurt like a bitch, I'll tell you that. Finally, it let up a little.
It really made me think. I'm not going to get into it here, but there is some emotional trauma in my life. Secrets that I keep. Things that I don't tell people, because of how it would hurt them. As well-adjusted as I am, I do have some significant emotional scars. Things that follow me every day. So I'm wondering if there's anything to this whole "emotions in the hips" thing... We'll just have to see.
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Taking requests...
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Posted:Apr 9, 2006 3:53 pm
Last Updated:Aug 29, 2006 4:08 am
2392 Views
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Well, in a past post I mentioned that I met a couple who met, fell in love, and got married, all because of this site. frogger1995seems to think that this story would give people hope for their own journeys and meetings on this site, so... Who am I to deny such a lovely lady? Heh...
I met my first couple at Waffle House. Yes folks, my first threesome began at Waffle House. How very southern of me. The couple I was meeting were older than me-- certainly not Old with a capital O, but the age difference was not insignificant. But we sat at the Waffle House and talked for probably about an hour, just discussing who we were, what we did, our likes and dislikes... first date conversation, really. As I sat and talked to them, I noticed things about them. These were two people in their late forties and early fifties, but there was something much, much younger-seeming about them. I just couldn't put my finger on it for a while.
So at some point in the conversation, I excused myself to use the rest room. When I came out, he invited me to go over to their place for a while. I, of course, accepted. So I went over there.
And... yeah. It was fun.
So afterward, we're all just hanging out and relaxing, basking in the afterglow, I guess you could say. And at some point, the subject of their marriage came up.
"Oh, we met through the site," he said.
"Really?"
"Yeah. We met up, got together, and fell in love, and it's all because of Local Adult Companion."
Apparently, she had been in a very stifling marriage. She'd spent twenty-odd years raising more or less on her own. And after that ended, she felt like there was a lot she'd missed out on. This was a woman who, in her early to mid forties, had never experienced an orgasm. So whatever she felt like she'd missed out on, she didn't feel like missing out on it any longer.
So she put an ad up on A FF. Yeah, she had some bad dates. Some BAD ones. But after a while, she met this guy. He was sweet, he made her laugh, and when they got into bed... he knew just how to make her climb the walls. And he'd been a swinger for quite some time, so he introduced her to the pleasures of bisexuality, and group sex. And she loved every minute of it.
And laying there with them, it was the most amazing thing in the world. Here were two people who seemed absolutely made for each other, yet they hadn't met until the middle of their lives. So, frogger, this is a hopeful story in many ways. There's the part where yeah, they met on the site, so it's a success story for the site. But on top of that, it takes the notion of people who panic about not being married by age 35 and dumps it on its head. It's not too late. For love, it's never too late.
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And what is the DEAL...
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Posted:Mar 23, 2006 10:57 pm
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2006 5:07 pm
2537 Views
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... with the other guys on this site?
OK, yeah. I've met women on this site. Women and couples. Not enough to qualify as "a lot", but enough for me to have had some fun times. But eventually, with every one of them, two questions usually come up:
"So, how long have you been on the site?"
and
"And how's your luck been?"
The answers vary, from the couple I met who had met on the site, fallen in love and gotten married, to my newest and bestest friend, who had so many truly horrible first A FF date stories that I have no idea how I was so ridiculously lucky to have actually met her. There was a time when I thought that "those guys", the guys who post only pictures of their genitalia and have barely readable profiles, were a small but extremely visible minority. Turns out I might actually be wrong on that.
And I used to wonder why it was that women (and couples!) never emailed me back. Why so many couple profiles say, "NO SINGLE MALES!". Why I got binned automatically by so many people, even though my pictures are discreet and my profile is honest, articulate, and descriptive. Then I heard the aforementioned first date stories. I heard stories of a couple who are friends of mine who had a guy try hard to break them up. I've heard so many idiot guy stories that I wonder how I ever got a date. So. From a guy who wants this community to be better, here's my advice to you (though I'm planning to expand on it later):
QUIT IT! You're ruining this for the rest of us.
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My first A FF meet...
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Posted:Mar 21, 2006 9:51 am
Last Updated:Jul 14, 2006 6:02 am
2450 Views
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It's funny, what you notice sometimes. I look at all these profiles from my area, my town, all over around here. I think, wouldn't it be funny? You know, if you ran into someone in the street, or at lunch, or in the bookstore, and you thought to yourself, "hey, I know that person from somewhere...", and you thought about it...
And then there's the sudden realization. The light dawns, and you think, "Oh my god. I've totally seen naked pictures of that person."
Well, that's never happened to me. Well, not to my knowledge, anyway. And no one's ever come up to me and said, "hey, aren't you...". Well, no one except for the guy who I work with who I talked about below. I think about it, though, and every once in a while I think maybe, just maybe, I might know what that woman's breasts look like underneath that oh-so-conservative jacket/camisole combo.
So I've never seen someone outside the site (well, at least not by accident), but I did have an interesting experience a few weeks ago that I've been meaning to blog about.
See, I went over to Moe's for lunch by myself one day. I grabbed my Atlantic Monthly, went in, had a seat, and started in on my burrito (sans tortilla-- it saves you, like, 250 calories). I had noticed, walking in, the young attractive woman in a nice little sundress sitting in one of the booths, talking to a couple. When I sat down though, I paid a little more discreet attention to what was going on over there. The body language. The fact that the couple was sitting on one side, and that the woman in the couple was being really "touchy" with the man-- hand on his shoulder, his leg, sitting close... lots of contact. I noticed that the couple was dressed pretty casually-- t-shirts, jeans, whatever-- and the woman was dressed... well, she had really made an effort to look good. Hair was very nicely done, makeup was flawless, clothes were nice but not too dressy. And the looks they were sharing-- they just weren't... right, I guess. You know? I don't know if it was my A FF fixation or what, but I got a real "first date" kind of vibe from the whole thing. I sat there, completely unable to concentrate on my magazine, thinking that maybe that woman was going to go home with that couple. That in an hour or so, she might have that pretty little mouth filled with that guy's cock, while the wife had her fingers in the woman's wet little pussy.
What a nice way to spend my lunch hour.
So what do you think? You think I witnessed my first A FF meet?
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copy and paste, lather rinse repeat
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Posted:Jan 29, 2006 6:02 pm
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2006 6:02 am
2535 Views
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As copied from a good friend, which was in turn copied from other friends...
1. Who are you?
2. When and how did we meet?
3. If we've met in person, would you like to see me again?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression of me?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. If so, what is it?
16. What is your favorite physical quality about me?
17. What do you think is my best character trait?
18. Would you consider me to be your friend?
19. If you could pick one song to describe me, what would it be?
20. If you had to pick one famous person that I remind you of, who would it be? why?
21. Are you going to put this post on your blog and see what I say about you? (Hell, I'll do it here if you answer mine.)
So let's see who's watching, shall we?
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To link to this blog (hereforyou6217) use [blog hereforyou6217] in your messages.
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