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ewww thats not mine
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Posted:Dec 6, 2011 11:44 am
Last Updated:May 3, 2012 5:58 pm
10636 Views
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i heat water to make tea and put it on the counter.
i go to get the tea bag and my mother confuses my cup for her coffee, picks it up and takes a big old slug..
makes a face and goes what is this...
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1
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i found it
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Posted:Dec 6, 2011 11:43 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2011 3:12 pm
11729 Views
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I am in an all day training session and a piece of cereal missing my mouth.
I check on the floor, the chair and the desk and nothing
i discretely check my cleavage and no cereal.
i go to change later to work out and hear something hit the floor..piece of cereal was riding around in my bra all day
god knows where...lol
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1
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dick size
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Posted:Dec 3, 2011 6:29 am
Last Updated:Dec 6, 2011 11:38 am
12716 Views
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you know what is funny is men think longer is better.
the g spot is about 1 to two inches in on most women and the head of your penis is what hits the g spot.
so a longer penis just takes longer to come back and hit the g spot. where as a shorter penis hits the g spot in quicker succession and more often.
6-7 inches is perfect..lol
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8
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i must be invisible
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Posted:Dec 3, 2011 6:26 am
Last Updated:Dec 6, 2011 11:36 am
5664 Views
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I am returning items to a store yesterday.
it is crazy busy. not enough cashiers. a register breaks and the customers are pissed.
aand i am at the service desk retuning my items and joking with the guy behind me because hey why get pissy. On her way out the door one of the pissy customers stops at the service desk and complains to the lady that is waiting on me and says how unprofessional it all is and she won't be back. and the service lady says as she leaves merry xmas...lol
people are crazy this time of year. and so is the exit door on the store.
so after being there forever i try to go out the door and it wont open... i have had this happen before so i stand there waving my arms hoping to catch the electric eye. no luck.
so i had to jump up and down waving my arms to get the door to open...lol
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3
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i just found another one
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Posted:Nov 28, 2011 4:59 pm
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2011 12:36 pm
6015 Views
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I must be loosing balls far and wide as i just found another one i didn't even realize i was missing under the dining room table...
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3
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my balls keep ending up where i dont want them
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Posted:Nov 27, 2011 5:32 am
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2011 3:34 pm
4973 Views
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about 100 years ago i blogged about my dryer balls.. or at least it seems like i have been around here that long...lol
i have one that keeps hitching a ride in my bedroom blanket.
the blanket is two layers and has a hole in the bottom that i need to resew.
I am in bed the other night and feel something hard in the bed with me. kind of creepy i know...lol then i realize the dryer ball has gotten stuck in the layers of the blanket. pull it out and back in the dryer it goes.
wash all the bedding recently, end up missing a dryer ball and didn't the ball end up in the blanket again.
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1
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this is the low life....
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Posted:Nov 27, 2011 3:21 am
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2011 3:34 pm
5828 Views
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guys who had a family plan with your x take heed....lol make sure you change your phone plan and all your passwords.
i am chatting up this young marine. we are texting back and forth and i call and get his voice mail and it is a woman's voice saying:
This is the low life mike blank. and then something else.
so i leave a message hoping this is actually the right voice mail and not a screw up by verizon which has happened before.
so a little more chatting and going to leave another voice mail and the same message so i text:
ur voice mail has a really odd message on it
and tell him to go listen to it. and it was his x messing with his voicemail...lol
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2
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girl next door
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Posted:Nov 26, 2011 3:23 pm
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2018 9:23 am
4896 Views
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the men looking for sex that turn profile proof reader always crack me up. my profile has said girl next store for years and i am not going to bother to change it now...lol
me:
lol that has been that way for a couple of years...
what are you doing actually reading the profile instead of jerking off to the photos like every one else....
> ---------------------------------------------------
> Sender: him
> To: velvttouch
> Date: Nov 22, 2011 12:40 AM EST
re: girl next door
>
> not next STORE!!!
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1
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line from a add
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Posted:Nov 25, 2011 2:53 pm
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2011 6:00 am
4365 Views
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omg this made me laugh:
guy describing what he wants in a woman:
You're sweet and intelligent with a wide side.
i think he meant WILD
i sent him:
I have curves does that count...
lol
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1
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and
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Posted:Nov 25, 2011 5:00 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 3:50 am
4004 Views
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you can't flirt through the photos any more or see their marital status
they got rid of the who's on photos section that you could sort by distance
this sucks...
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0
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this site does some interesting stuff
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Posted:Nov 25, 2011 4:54 am
Last Updated:Nov 26, 2011 4:13 am
4162 Views
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and not in a good way
one of the bloggers i read all the time is gone. i went searching for her.
not on my blog list. so i went looking for comments i know she made on my blog... not there
i had to find and blog where i quoted her to find her user name and when i clicked on it her profile is turned off.
they used to leave up your blog and all the comments you made on others blogs. now it is a like a big black hole you fall down and disappear ...lol
i wonder if they come back when you turn yourself back on.
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1
comment
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fundamental difference of opinion
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Posted:Nov 24, 2011 3:52 pm
Last Updated:Nov 25, 2011 4:02 am
4884 Views
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so my is gone, my usual fwb is busy with holiday stuff and i am trying to meet someone and possibly get laid before monday...lol
I have chatted with this guy before (see this post wow)
and he keeps coming back and i keep hedging about meeting him because as you can see from the post our first conversation did not go well...
i think he has convinced himself i really didn't mean what i said and so he keeps trying... well maybe not anymore...lol
and nothing like have a second argument with someone i have never met.
but like most vanilla people he can not understand the concept of having a relationship where there is no monogamy
he said so you are going to blow me off for random sex...lol
i said no i will only be having random sex when you are not here to blow...lol
then he said so if tom, dick and harry show up the day before i do then they will get some..lol and i said maybe and how does that effect you and why would that be a problem?
then he said no one likes to watch their partner have sex with someone else...lol that is really funny since i do (as well as millions of swingers)but i should have asked him if a girl goes down on me front of him is that a problem but i didn't think of it and since he sent me an email asking if i wanted to watch two girls have sex and possibly join them while he watched, i know guys are the only issue not girls...
finally i used a religious analogy about tolerance and acceptance of other peoples views.. it would be like a christian telling a jewish person they had to convert instead of just accepting that i have my own beliefs.
i gave up. he got mad and hung up...lol
some people you just can't explain the no monogamy thing to... they will never get it...
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2
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used toys
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Posted:Nov 22, 2011 1:50 pm
Last Updated:Nov 24, 2011 9:06 am
4079 Views
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this cracks me up
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1
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To link to this blog (rm_velvttouch) use [blog rm_velvttouch] in your messages.
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