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I was nothing but a lonely boy....trumpet was my only toy.....
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Posted:Jan 9, 2012 1:26 pm
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2012 11:35 am
9591 Views
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Hello folks!!
It's Monday again....just in case you hadn't noticed....
You had??
Well good for you
Give yourself a gold star and a pat on the ....*ahem*......back 
I'm closing in on post 150 
(Stunned Silence)
(Nudge)
(Oh sorry!!...Shock, horror....)
What's that??
Almost 150 posts and no one has told you to shut up yet??
 Yep...cool, huh?
Either that or no one listens
Actually I can't even say that.....I have the stats to prove otherwise
Yep peeps, it's time for another edition of "Tale of the Tape"....
aka "Tooting Your Own Horn"
Although if I could do that:
A ) I wouldn't be here, I'd be off tooting my horn
B ) I'd be a rich Porn Star
C ) I'd have as many women chasing me as Charmer
D ) I'd have to buy bigger pants
E ) I'd have to buy Chapstick in Industrial Size Tubes
F ) I'd be able to audition for Canada's Got Talent
G ) Ummmmmm.....errrmmmmm......can't think of anything else
Anyway.....
So what is the scoop?
Well it's something you use to pick up loose dry products such as flour or rice or......oh!!!!!!!!
You mean what do the stats show???
Well they show that there are people out there stranger than I am
No offence, but I wouldn't read this drivel if I didn't have to
LMAO
Just kidding lol
Believe it or not there are actually 16 people out in that wide world who choose to "watch" this blog....
That's incredible....blows me away that you'd actually take the time to "bookmark" me
You know who you are....so give yourselves a standing ovation
I appreciate it more than you know.....
Let's see  , what else?
Well, I could tell you about the 1077 comments received....
That's an average of 7.277 comments per post
I'm just looking down the list of visitors to see if I can figure out who it is that's leaving 0.277 of a comment....
I *could* tell you about the number of views...but then I'd have to count them and that just seems like way too much work to me
In other words I really can't be bothered
So I'll leave it at that I think....
Got to put my thinking cap on, see if I can come up with something out of the ordinary for Post 150
Any ideas??
And no....I am NOT posting a pic of me trying to toot my own horn.......
The camera always shakes...
Later folks 
TOOT, TOOT !!...where's that damn taxi???
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Drunken Monkey Blues
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Posted:Jan 3, 2012 2:56 pm
Last Updated:Feb 16, 2012 3:41 pm
8789 Views
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First let me wish you all a very Happy New Year!!!!
*smooch smooch*
*twiddle twiddle*
There...now that's done maybe we can get on with the business of the day....the aforementioned Drunken Monkey Blues
As we all know, those of us who've been around here long enough, particularly the blogging community, there is a Drunken Monkey at the helm of this site, at least as far as approvals of blogs, pics and other profile changes go....not to mention the site's inner workings themselves....lol
Well I'm afraid he's been on the sauce again....
What did he do THIS time??? I hear you cry....
Well it goes like this....
(cue blues guitar music....)
da da da du daaaa....
I woke up this morning....
da da da du daaaa....
Rolled out of bed....
da da da du daaaa....
I found out that monkey....
da da da du daaaa....
Been playin' with my head....
da da da du daaaa....
He'd taken my picture....
da da da du daaaa....
Said "That ain't you"....
da da da du daaaa....
"I'll approve it for your album...but not your profile tooo...."
lol
Yes......that's how it went
Maybe a little back story is in order...so you can appreciate how truly off the wall this is....lol
I've had the same profile picture since September of 2010....yes you read that right...2010....
Not only that...but it was a VERIFIED picture...which in itself has been a source of localised hilarity for over a year...
Yes that self same drunken monkey VERIFIED that picture....
Just ask Flirty
Now today it seems...the monkey decided to unnapprove(??) the picture for use as my profile pic.....weird enough in itself...but at the same time APPROVED it for use in my picture album.....WTF????
So, me being me I promptly went to my albums and put the offending pic back into my profile pic album....only to have it rejected once again.....again rejected for profile use...accepted for album use...
Ok, I hear you say.....take a telling, I hear you mutter under your breath
Well, if you know me at all you'll realise that I don't take hints very well....things have to be pretty well spelt out for me
So, of course once more...into my albums, move the pic back to my profile album....and guess what??
It gets APPROVED for profile use!!!!!!
Is that crazy or what???????
I mean REALLY????
And as far as I know it's still up there.....
Of course I've probably jinxed it know and whoever approves this blog will say "Oops...missed that one.....I'll fix HIS wagon for that", but that's a tale for another day methinks
So now I'll be waiting with bated breath to see if it's still up there tomorrow....
See how exciting my life is????
And I thought the highlight of New Years was going to be getting my haircut next weekend....how wrong was I??????
Rivetting stuff, huh??
Bet you can't wait for the next installment......
No??
Me neither....
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They call me Mellow Yellow......
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Posted:Dec 16, 2011 2:20 pm
Last Updated:Mar 13, 2012 10:24 am
10273 Views
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Holy Friday Batman!
That kinda sneaked up there lol
I've been meaning to make a post all week but time keeps slipping away from me lol
So I'm pretty well caught up with all the blogs I was ignoring during CBW.....almost lol
(plus a few I'd rather not have read it must be said... but I'm not going to go there...there's been enough drama without me adding to it)
I don't know about anyone else, but I certainly had fun during CBW
Found a whole bunch of new people to annoy with my facetious comments
So anyway on to the main reason for this particular post....
Last week the new inductees into the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame were announced
I was pleased to see one of my favourite artists was included this year - Donovan
Who??? I hear you cry...
Donovan I said...weren't you listening??
[image]
Sunshine Superman? Mellow Yellow? Season of the Witch?
No???
*sigh*
You people....
Donovan was a folk/pop artist waaaaay back in the sixties and had a string of hits throughout the sixties before fading into the background through the seventies and eighties, partly his own choice I might add. Like many artists of his generation he's enjoying a resurgence these days as people are starting to acknowledge his influence and status as a music legend.....finally
Let me say it was so unhip to admit you like Donovan...especially when I was young in the eighties and nineties lol
So why does he deserve a place in the R'R Hall of Fame?
Well I'll tell you....
(Bet you didn't think THAT was coming...)
Apart from huge commercial sucess in the sixties, Donovan was a major player in the music scene of the time...guess who was in the next hut when the Beatles went to India to stay with the Maharishi???
Donovan...that's who...
Taught George Harrison, Paul McCartney and John Lennon new fingerstyle guitar methods
His wife Linda Laurence, who he pursued for a decade before catching her ((persistence pays off note: they're still together  was Brian Jones' (dead Rolling Stone just in case there's young folks reading) girlfriend and mother of his .
Yeah Yeah Yeah you say....
But why should he be in the Hall of Fame??
Ok then....Rock Cred??
How about having John Paul Jones, Jimmy Page and John Bonham as your backing band pre Led Zeppelin days????
How about Jimmy Page playing session guitar on Sunshine Superman even before THAT??
How about providing the "other" vocal ( the one that isn't Alice Cooper) on Billion Dollar Babies by Alice Cooper??
How about having The Jeff Beck Group as your backing band on "Barabajagal" when Jeff Beck was HUGE in the late sixties??
But if you still aren't convinced...just listen to the songs...
The man is a poet, an amazing guitarist and songwriter...
Ignore the comparisons with Bob Dylan which plagued him in the early years...for my money he's ten times the artist Dylan was....
And besides...other than they both played guitar there weren't that many similarities.
Just to add some canadian content...(I could have made this a CBW post after all... )....One of his biggest hits was "Universal Soldier", written by Buffy St Marie
Ok Ok this is supposed to be a sex site, right??
Where would I be if I didn't introduce a little sexual content...
Check the lyrics to " Mellow Yellow".....
"Electrical Banana,
Is going to be a sudden craze..."
Now what do you think THAT'S referring to??
Early 1967.....I bet no one in TV or Radio land even caught on to that one lol
So there you are, if you're not familiar with him....do yourself a favour...go check him out...you might be pleasantly surprised...
Aging Hippie perhaps....rock legend? definitely Sexy Beast? Quite possibly
Later people!!
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CBW - Immigrant Song (with apologies to Led Zeppelin)
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Posted:Dec 9, 2011 12:30 pm
Last Updated:Dec 15, 2011 5:29 am
8915 Views
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"Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh ahhh"
"Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh ahhh"
"We come {to} the land of the ice and snow...."
as Robert Plant would say
And no that wasn't Tarzan molesting Cheetah the Chimp at the beginning....
Does anyone remember the good old days when things were simple and Johnny Weismuller's loincloth never moved an inch no matter how much running and jumping and swimming he did??
And him and "Jane" never, ever, EVER got it on
Are you kidding????
If I was stuck in the jungle with Maureen O'Sullivan, I'd never leave the treehouse
She was hot with a capital H.O.T
lol
That was a staple of british school holidays morning television....Tarzan movies and The Monkees lol
today aren't so easily pleased
Actually now that I think about it...they were both immigrants, albeit to the United States....Johnny Weismuller was Austro- Hungarian and Maureen O'Sullivan was Irish lol
I'm often asked "What brought you here?"
My usual reply is "A big metal thing with wings....we call it a plane...what do you call it?"
lol
Needless to say, this, at times, does NOT go down well.....especially with the authorities....lol
It seems that 6'8", 300lb Mounties don't appreciate that kind of humour...and that's just the FEMALE ones
LMAO Just kidding...she was only 6'3"
LMFAO
Anyway.....
I'm always amused when someone comments on another person, referring to them as ( insert ethnic group of your choice here )as opposed to Canadian.
I always comment with "Yeah , damned immigrants, coming here taking our jobs and stealing our women"
People tend to forget I'm one of those too lol
Well....women stealer anyway...you can keep your jobs lmao
Just give me your women
Trust me, if I didn't have to eat and pay bills...I wouldn't be working
I'd be a lumberjack....roaming the forests of British Columbia....
As the famous song goes:
"I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I love to press wild flowers, I put on women's clothing, and hang around in bars"
Ahhhhh good old Monty, a song for every occasion lol
What was that noise???
I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!!!!
NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!!!!!
And now for something completely different.....
LMFAO Where did all THAT come from....sheesh.....Thanks Charmer for letting Monty Python back into my head with your damned hovercraft full of eels
{Neep}
Quiet!!
{Neep}
Shut up!!!
{Neep} {Neep}
Arrrrrrrrggggghhhh!!!!!!!
Ok I'm going to soldier on here...and TRY to ignore the voices....
Now where was I?
Da Da Da ...Da Da...Da Da Da Daaa....Oh yes...
Immigrants....
When I was applying to come here as a "landed immigrant" there were several ways to do so...
You could be a refugee....but I was refused on the grounds that 900 years of persecution by the English just didn't wash with the Canadian government for some reason....
You could be a "needed trade"....but since I've never repaired a bubble gum machine or made a set of bagpipes I was, to use a phrase I learned from the Canadian Phrasebook, S.O.L
(I you not...those were on the list of required occupations in Canada at that time...yes really!!)
The other method was marrying a canadian, and since I already had one of those well, here I am...
The process itself was rather interesting.
To an onlooker it must have seemed like "if you have the money you can come to our country" lol
There is no interview process, no steps to go through before approval, no personal contact or checking references whatsoever....
All you have to do is fill in the form and send a cheque....
Almost...lol
There's the medical, which YOU arrange, and a criminal record check, which YOU arrange, and that's it....
No psychological exam, personality check or anything
Lucky for me, huh???
lol I can hear the regular readers saying "Yep...No shit Sherlock....etc etc"
Next thing you hear is when they approve your application and ask for more money....Landing Fees this time
Sound familiar??
The cry of Government everywhere lol "You owe us this much, and when you've paid that, we'll think up something else for you to pay"
So now you get organized and move and arrive in Canada...what now?
Well you go to work....
I was lucky, I found a job immediately....thanks in part ( or completely ) to my nationality
Sometimes you're just in the right place at the right time lol
Immigration is so common in Canada that you're accepted immediately. No one really cares that you're not "one of them", because every second person you meet (almost I know that's an exaggeration) is also "not one of them" or their parents are "not one of them".
There isn't that "send them back where they came from" attitude that is sadly still quite common in Britain....
Canada truly is the "multi cultural" and "tolerant" nation it purports to be....
It's not just the government paying lip service to an ideal they'd like to believe in.
The people of the nation, too, believe in it which is unusual
Or at least that's been my experience...
When was the last time you heard THAT??
The People agreeing with government policy???
I thought this was supposed to be a democracy
People here are genuinely interested in different cultures, traditions and outlooks on life....
Witness Folklorama right here in Winnipeg...standing room only in some of those pavillions....
The people here actually identify themselves with the "old country" even if they've never been there and have no plans to ever visit.
I think there are more people claiming to be Ukrainian in Manitoba than there are actual people living in the Ukraine, to name but one group
I think perhaps that the lack of "history" is partly the reason for that...not to mention that many people are genuine immigrants like myself, fresh off the boat so to speak.
When I say "history", I'm referring to the fact that to all intents and purposes the Nation of Canada, as opposed to the place we live, is a relatively new creation as nation states go....
There isn't a sense of "roots" here in the way you find it in Europe, where you can walk down the street and find five hundred year old buildings still in use today.
People in general are always seeking that sense of belonging, that "history", that affinity with some tradition older than themselves and their parents and grandparents.
Canada, the nation, has had it's trial by fire, (just ask anyone what the words Vimy, Dieppe or Juno mean to them as Canadians), but still lack that sense of depth that only time can bring.
That's not to say there isn't a tradition and a culture here that predates the modern nation. I'm talking about the modern Canada as seen through the eyes of the world at large.
As for me?
Well, I'm happy to be here....it's a wonderful country....
I can only imagine what it meant for those who came here to escape poverty, persecution and injustice and carve out a new life in a dynamic, spacious land filled with people just like themselves.
They talk about the American Dream....I think the Canadian Dream is the world's best kept secret...
It takes all of the best parts about the American Dream, the opportunities, the freedoms, the truth, peace and justice for all...and combines it with a socially responsible government which cares for all...not just those who can afford it...
That's not to say this country doesn't have it's share of problems....but it's a work in progress...after all, Confederation was only 144 years ago...
Wow...how did that get all serious and shit???
Anyway.....hope everyone enjoyed CBW....I know I had fun reading all that stuff....
If you didn't learn SOMETHING this week then there's something far wrong
So (ab)normal service will be resumed around here next week.....if you don't come around here...see you again next year!!!
If you're a regular visitor or plan to become one.....my sympathies
See you!!
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CBW - Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!!
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Posted:Dec 8, 2011 3:13 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2011 9:21 pm
8344 Views
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Whew!!
Thought maybe I wasn't going to get one in today.....but I did...
Maybe I'll do a blog post too
lmao
Not used to this posting every day nonsense
I know, I know...laziness right?? lol
So what do I do now??
Well, I'm stumped....
StumpED I said, not stumPY...sheesh you people....
I've been sitting here racking my brain all do for some Canadian themed topic to add to CBW......
First I thought I would go with this picture of a polar bear in a blizzard (see below)
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But then I thought "Nah, that's too obvious and stereotypical"
Then I thought "Beavers".....
But I snapped out of it and made myself focus on what I was supposed to be thinking about which was my CBW blog post
So then I thought "Poutine", but that just made me hungry....so I had lunch, which wasted another hour.....
So I started thinking about "mounties", but I said "Dammit man stop thinking about sex and get back to the job in hand!!"
Then "loonies" came up....don't you just hate it when the people you work with won't leave you in peace??
I thought of posting about beautiful lakes, rushing rivers and the whole "sea to shining sea" concept...but that just made me run to the bathroom...
I was clutching at straws by then, and I thought what can I write about today that's quintessentially Canadian??
I almost wrote about the different time zones across this huge land....but that made me realise...it's time to go home!!!
See you tomorrow people
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CBW - Fight on, Manitoba Part 2 - The Summer Version
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Posted:Dec 7, 2011 4:51 pm
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2011 3:20 pm
8227 Views
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Found it!!!!!
May I present to you for your delectation and delight....Fight on Manitoba - The Summer Version
Quick note to non Manitobans: Both these songs are NOT, in fact, comedy songs...they are entirely factual and true depictions of life in Manitoba.....
Incidentally I was told before I came here that Winnipeg was the armpit of Canada....by a Montrealler no less...
Hmmm I say better the armpit than the big hairy bum... I'm kidding Montrealers
Anyway....on with the show....
"When you live in Manitoba, and it's summertime, what is there to be proud of?
When you've suffered silently through the long cold winter and bravely slugged through the mud, slush and gunk of spring and they tell you it's now officially summer, but you can't tell because the frost killed your tomato plants, where is hope?
When you stand there with your blistered hands, numbly holding the rake after a weekend of bending your back, applying weed killer and fertiliser to your brown lawn, watching the floating fluff from your neighbour's dandelions, settling down and growing right before your eyes....and you want to tell him he can use your weed killer, but you can't because he's away for three weeks in the mountains...skiing.....
When you're lighting the barbecue, to cook the steak you saved six weeks to buy, and you suddenly discover your wife has stored gasoline in the lighter fluid can, because she's afraid of a shortage....
And after your eyebrows have disappeared,and the smoke has cleared and you can see you're burning the meat but there's nothing you can do because you're too busy fighting off four million mosquitoes the size of hummingbirds which have suddenly appeared out of the sun and three of the biggest carry off the steak....
When you've used up seventeen cans of bug spray and you're arrested for polluting the air and then the guy tells you the stuff doesn't kill mosquitoes anyway....where is hope?
Well my friends, there is hope....you can be proud...be proud of the fact you're alive...lumpy...but alive!
Take raw courage in your heart and fight on...fight on with this thought growing in your head.....
Winter is only six weeks away!! And mosquitoes can't sting at forty two below....
And fight on Manitoba, fight on!"
Those records are probably collectors items nowadays.....at least in Winnipeg
They're probably worth a small fortune to certain Winnipeggers....worth at LEAST $ 1.80 in Canadian Tire Money
Hope you enjoyed!!
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CBW- Fight on, Manitoba!
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Posted:Dec 7, 2011 7:25 am
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2011 6:05 am
10817 Views
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So is anyone else experiencing total CBW burn out????
LMAO
This is hard work keeping up with all the CBW posts lol
It's insane!!
I, for one, am blown away with the response and enthusiasm and variety of topics and sheer number of posts this week so far lol
So anyway, in lieu of something sensible or original today, I want to share a song with you....
Older Manitobans probably remember the 45 from waaaaaaay back....sung/spoken by Uncle Smokey(? I think ).....
Just search "Fight on Manitoba"...it'll show up somewhere....
One side was a winter version and the other side of the record was a summer version, I've only found the winter version so far...I'll keep hunting, maybe I can locate the summer version later
I just think it's priceless
I laugh every time i hear it
So here goes.....
"When you live in Winnipeg, and it's the middle of winter, what can you be proud of?
When it's 33 below and the wind instantly freezes your fingers as you fumble in your mailbox for the postcard with a picture of a beach and palm trees and a short message from you friend holidaying in Florida and wishing you were here, where is the justice?
When you're 10 minutes late in the morning and you discover some nut has pulled the plug from your car and then you remember you forgot to plug it in the night before.....
When you're standing on Portage Avenue in a 27 mile an hour breeze for a bus, and it finally arrives, and you discover that you DON'T have the exact change, in fact you don't have ANY change because you left your wallet at the office....
When you stand there with your hand frozen to the shovel after two hours of digging out your driveway, watching your neighbour with a brand new snowblower throwing it all back in again....and you want to scream but no one can hear you because the snowplow is making too much noise and it fills in the rest of your driveway...what is there to be proud of?
When it's too cold to go skiing and the letter from your aunt in Vancouver is full of complaints about rain.....
When you finally get your car started after waiting for the service man for two and a half hours, and then back into a telephone pole because the frost shield the cop told you you had to put on has a leak in it and you can't see out of your car anyway....
When the whole world is one great frozen icicle clinging to your chin as if it grew there...
Where is hope?
Well my friends, you CAN be proud, there IS hope.....
Be proud, proud of the fact you've survived!
Take raw courage in your heart and fight on!
Fight on with this thought growing in your mind.....
Summer is only six months away and you wouldn't want to miss that wonderful day....
So fight on Manitoba, Fight on!!"
lol Well I like it anyway
Happy CBW
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CBW - Canadian by Accident
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Posted:Dec 6, 2011 7:52 am
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2012 2:13 pm
8859 Views
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Morning people!!
So it's day 2 of CBW and all I see is a sea of yellow in my watched blogs
Wow!
The response to this concept has been incredible....
I think Charmer has unleashed a monster, and I'm not talking about his front bits
It's been great so far though...this has exposed me to a number of good blogs I wouldn't otherwise have seen....being somewhat tied up in the "local" scene
Anyway this isn't getting me anywhere with my contribution lol
MsRoss, local blog Leg End, wrote a blog yesterday on "Defining Canada", if you missed it check here [post 2801604] .
More serious than most, it certainly provoked some thought on my part, and I'm sure on some of you guys too.
(And it provides a neat segue into a post I had been contemplating to Thanks MsR )
I'm a $200 canadian.....lol
What do I mean by that?? I hear you yell in righteous indignation....
Well, it's like this....that's what application for citizenship cost when I applied lol
Yes folks, I actually had to sit an exam on being Canadian and what it means to be Canadian in order to get citizenship
Sort of like a driving test
Ok, so it wasn't exactly difficult, but I'd love to know how many people who were born here would actually pass lol
So here's one for the people who think you shouldn't complain about your government if you choose not to vote....not only did I choose to live here, but I paid for the privilige and was tested to ensure my suitability
(That bugs me actually...not just here in this country but all over the world...choosing NOT to vote in a particular election is excercising your right to choose...a basic civil liberty we all take for granted....If you don't agree, just follow the thought through to it's logical conclusion...if you are FORCED to vote...how long before you are told WHO to vote for??? Make sense? Would never happen? Really?? It has and it still does....all over the world since the concept of democracy was invented....all it takes is a vocal minority, while the silent majority stands by and says nothing.....ok rant over )
Basically, I'm only one of you lot by accident....(or design perhaps lol)
That makes it a little tricky to participate in something like this since I don't get a lot of the references lol
I mean after more than a decade in this country I finally found out what "hoser" means yesterday Thanks Flirty!! lol
Although I must say I actually understood most of what Katinthehat3 had to say [post 2801181] lol Maybe I've been here too long
Language is another barrier....I always say when someone doesn't understand me that "I'm talking in english....you're just listening in canadian"
Which leads me to another thought...did you know that Canadian cats make the noise "Prr" as opposed to scottish cats which make the noise "Prrrrrrrrr"?
Think about it...you'll see I'm right
Oh...and by the way...the word is pronounced ALYOUMINYUM...NOT AlOOMINUM....sheesh you people
To this day I can't go through a drive through which uses an intercom system and come out the other side with any hope that my order will be correct...although that might have more to do with the ineptitude of the "" McDonald's employs than any miscommunication
So what can I offer to CBW?
Hmmm, not much I think......at least not much that is funny or insightful to anyone other than a fellow immigrant
Oh well...it's the taking part that counts right?? lol
What I find funny though in my time in this country is that I have yet to meet an actual canadian....
Everyone you meet is Ukrainian, or Irish or French or whatever ethnic group you want to mention, even to the second and third generations lol
I don't think I've ever come across anyone who claimed to be Canadian first...other ethnicity later....
Maybe that's just because I'm so obviously not Canadian that people here seek a common ground immediately.....to "fit in", be friendly or whatever, which IS a Canadian thing I find lol
Or it could be that while inside the border they don't mentally subscribe to the "national identity".....maybe some of you actual "real" canadians could answer that one...
Anyway, I hope you're all enjoying CBW as much as I am...maybe by the end of the week I'll find something worthwhile to say...
Till then....keep waving the flag
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To link to this blog (spudsy1000) use [blog spudsy1000] in your messages.
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