298 posts 10/6/2011 4:10 pm
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My Body, and Scars
Wow! I have a body that is all mine. It does things that I have no idea as to how it does them. It can heal a wound, or make a fingernail grow. I might know the technical stuff, but I can't make the fingernail grow or the wound heal. It can make me feel fantastic, or awful. It all depends on how I treat it.
I only have one body, and as time passes, it will age, so I treat it with love and respect. I nourish it with really healthy foods, exercise it, maybe even sexercise it (great fun when that happens), cleanse it, pay attention to various parts, such as my eyes, teeth, hair, nails, feet, and give it lots of love and attention as I feel the need.
In the past, my body has been abused by a small group of individuals, and even if there are scars, they are not visible to the average person. I do love my scars, because they are part of my body, and remind me, of how wonderful my body has been surviving what was done to it, and healing, with only a scar to remind me.
So next time you feel abused, remember, your body helped you through it, and has the survival manual, if you can just help it along with the right nourishment, rest, fresh air, water, exercise and foods. Remember also that your brain needs nourishment, as in getting adequate rest, and not constant abuse as you use it to punish yourself for what has already happened.
I do love myself, because if I don't, nobody else will.
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5836 posts 8/8/2012 5:00 am |
(for me) Its hard to give the body good treatment because the past does not just go away and the present is always here, addictions abound in every direction (so many bad habits some I have overcome some not yet)
Perhaps self control and awareness need encouragement, any suggestions?
 There are two kinds of light, the glow that illuminates & the glare that obscures. James Thurber
oneladybrijit replies on 8/14/2012 6:34 am:
Hello again. Perhaps right now is not the best time for me to search for answers for you, as I struggle with emotions in relation to my mother dying. I am rather surprised at my emotions, as I kept in touch with her every day, and when it didn't happen daily towards her end, I was worried and frustrated, as I didn't know what was going on.
I have just realised why she wasn't keeping in touch daily towards the end. At the time, I was just frustrated. Now I know, better than not knowing.
The past is as close as you choose to keep it, and when you have scars, that may not be something you can actually choose, because they are there to remind you.
As I said in this blog, my scars show me how my body heals and deals with things, and that is the positive. They show me how I survived whatever the drama was. In my case, my scars are mostly internal, and very real, from . I also have two external scars that are both from physical abuse from two different people.
Again, they are something that says, I survived and left those situations, and that is the best.
When you can walk away, and leave the situation behind, be it an abusive partner, an abusive family member, or an abusive acquaintance, the fact that you have walked away and only now have your scars to show for it, is a real positive.
Now habits, or addictions, are up to you. Most of us would find it too hard to dump all our addictions at once, so it is clever to start with one, resolve that, and move to the next.
Here I will share something that few people know about me.
After my second marriage was over, I reached my prime, so for me the next few years were about incredible pleasure, and not only for me, as if I didn't absolutely adore the man I was with, I'd just dump him. It wasn't nasty. It was about finding "the right man for me", and I just had a really bad approach to that, as it put me in a situation that I was unaware of. So I had this incredible sex life for quite a few years, this man for six months, then the next and so on.
I was lucky, as I fell in love easily, not considering this or that, and only considering a few basics, so one minute I was heartbroken because this one was gone, and next, ah, bliss, the most incredible new man, and I was really good at choosing, as I'd go online, and bit by bit, over a few short weeks, I'd block this one, let that one go, and by the end of those few weeks, I'd have found the new one. I was also very careful, not wanting to catch an STD, or STI, so I'd get tested to make sure I wasn't going to infect a new man with something that the last one had given me, and because I was fastidious in this approach, and also very lucky, I never had any problems with diseases. (I'd also ask the man to get checked, and mostly they would oblige.)
What I am saying here, is that even if I didn't know it, I was addicted to "lovemaking" as I do call it. I am not saying it was wrong, only I didn't know that my addiction was because I was in some cases too scared to say "no", and in others, I just didn't want to say "no".
Someone entered my life, and said a few things, and I gained respect for that person, and it took a few years, and then I did finally let go of that addiction.
So there it is. First I was a "sex goddess", and then I did let go, and have not had sex for at least two years. I have no idea as to when exactly, because I do lose track of the years, only it's at least two years since I got up to mischief, once on my birthday, the other time on Mother's Day, and I think those two were in the one year, although they could have been a year apart. I can't remember, as I was so damaged still at that time.
I do know that when Mum nearly died, two years ago, I did give up smoking, and over the years I had also been strong with my drinking, giving up the almost daily drinking as soon as that second marriage was over. Unfortunately, something happened the other year, that triggered me off to drinking daily again. I am not giving up on it though, just waiting until one peaceful summer in the near future, when it's not so cold that I feel I have to have a drink before sleep, and I just decide now is the time to break the habit as well as the addiction.
With my smoking, it was a physical, an emotional, and a psychological addiction. They were my friends, my comfort, my crutch, my co-conspirator. When I was happy, I lit one to celebrate, angry, one to calm down, sad, one to comfort me, lonely, one to make me feel not alone. The list went on, and if I tried to suffer withdrawal, I'd get not only the headaches, although they didn't tend to happen that much, but the dizzy spells, and the irrational fear, and I'd be thinking I was going to die. It was more than I could stand, so it really took years to finally find the strength to give up smoking. It also helped to learn that this was just the body reacting to all that lovely fresh air.
When I finally had that last cigarette, I knew that I could never ever light a cigarette again, and if I ever did, then I would have to be ten times as strong, and just walk away, and not let myself go back to smoking, as if I ever take it up again, I am not sure I could ever give up again, and that is why I can't ever touch a cigarette again.
It's not cruel, as now I can breathe properly, and I am much happier, and the cigarettes are not damping my mood, and dragging my emotions down. I had no idea that they were such a depressant, so when people say things to the contrary, I just think hmm... My health is so much better, as my strength has increased quite a bit. My food tastes better. I don't snore as badly, although I think in my case I can't avoid snoring without an operation, and I am not in the habit of having operations, so that might not be an option for me.
I tend to feel happy with myself most of the time, and when I am down, I feel that I can deal with it easily enough.
Ok, I am tired, and I suspect I have shared enough, about me dealing with my addictions.
We each need to deal with our own situations. Mum used to say, "I can't give up smoking unless God gives me the strength", and I said,
"Mum, you need to choose to give up smoking, and when you do, you need to decide that you won't smoke anymore. You can't wait until God give you the strength."
When she had that first heart attack, and nearly died, I went and stayed with her the first few days at home. I made sure that she did not have a cigarette while I was there, and when I had to leave, I contacted my siblings, and said that she needed looking after for the next few weeks, and said that she really needed to stay with each one of them for about a week, so that would have given her a few weeks without the temptation, as none of them smoke. They felt too busy, and unable to have her more than a day or so, and then she was home alone. Of course her smoking buddy turned up, and literally lit two cigarettes and put one in her mouth.
I'd love to charge him with murder, and that is really stupid. It's just the way I feel. Recently my sister said that Mum still had the choice of smoking it, and I do know that she was right perhaps more so than I am.
So there, the joys of life. It's always what you make it, even in the darkest situations.
If you look at what people suffered in Europe in the war, and I do believe others suffered similarly in other wars also, what we have is luxury. It's just that it doesn't feel like luxury, because we are used to it.
Just the freedom of being able to go to a shop, without expecting life threatening situations to arise every time we go to a shop, because over here that only happens sometimes. We are so lucky here in Australia. It's not like it used to be, however it's still a lot better than most of the rest of the world.
Yes, there are these creatures referred to as bullies, and again, it's finding the right solution, the right attitude inside yourself as well. It's usually not impossible, only when you are in the middle of it, it can feel like your worst nightmare. It's then that you need to look at what you do have, your own private thoughts, that no one can read, unless they are really psychic. Looking inside to find answers, can resolve one's worst nightmares, as you think of this or that, that has absolutely nothing to do with what is outside.
A counsellor once said that when we have good days, we tend to have nightmares as we sleep, and when we have bad times, we tend to dream of wonderful things. She said that this is probably because the dreams work to restore the balance in our lives. I did like her explanation.
I am really tired, which is probably why this took two million words or so. Sorry. I suspect that even though it was so wordy, it was also supportive.
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Well Said 
