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| Blogs > oneladybrijit > For What It's Worth! |
Criticism
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Criticism This morning I woke up with feelings of hurt, of distress, as I remembered how I was criticised, and criticised, and criticised some more. The more I stayed with my concept of not criticising, the more I was criticised, and when I said something about it, I was told, "I only want the best for you". I had no chance. Over time, the criticism took its' toll, and I went downhill. In the end I had to break off that relationship, even though I felt I absolutely loved the man, as he was really tearing me down. When I met him, I had been on my healing journey, and now I was heading into total devastation. Please be aware that I cannot be more specific, as this man is a member of this site, and yes, I did meet him through here, so I have to be very careful as to what I say. The good news about that, is that I have met a number of men through this site, and because I talk about one in one blog, and another in another blog, not in any specific order, it would be really difficult to tell who I am referring to. I do like it that way. I do need to sit down and talk to someone about what is inside me at present, only I do not want to talk to this critic about what I am feeling, as he is the reason I am feeling this way. I do need to work through my feelings, to help me let go and move forwards. I suspect the way to go will be to pay a professional, once again, via the taxpayer. I do hope things are much better with you and others. 
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(((hugs))) I've been in that boat and it's not a nice place to be. it's even harder to admit that someone who loves you could do that. best of wishes and a solid step forward to finding yourself again and getting better. some times the things that comes from between my ears makes me pause for reflection
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Thank you so much.
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Hello again z. I am someone who has had more counselling in her lifetime, than others would have in ten lifetimes. I do know all about getting counselling. It is the naive or uninformed that judge me as somehow unfit. The reason I started doing psychology at university a few years back now, was because I had been there, done that, knew the value of professional help, having had lots of it. No amount of training or preparation can prepare you for the dramas that I went through, and when they happen, you just have to wait for time to pass before you can heal, and even then, there is no guarantee of healing, as that was a lot of drama in one hit. I have had counselling since the dramas, and at one stage, things fell apart, as in due to circumstances, I no longer received counselling. That doesn't make it right or wrong. It's just how it is. I never had to have counselling. I always chose to get professional help because in Australia you can, and I knew that would help me be a better person, so I did. Then when things changed, I didn't worry, as I had had lots of counselling since my dramas, and I knew that only time would actually do the final healing. I found lots of pitfalls along the way, especially the kind of person who was attracted to me. That was the worst, as while I was in a bad emotional space, I attracted people who were in a similar position in some way. Now that I am healing, I am finding that the quality of person I attract is much better, and over time, that will improve more. When I wrote this blog, I could have named the person, either his real name, or even his name on Local Adult Companion. I didn't. I could have been much more specific, revealing his criticisms of me, or at least some of them. I didn't, as firstly it's past, secondly, it would show where I am, and I am further down the line than that, so in the nicest, most caring, most considerate way, I revealed that his behaviour in the past, has come back to me in my sleep, finding me waking up sad over all the criticisms, and these were not done at a normal time. They were done late at night, on the phone, when most others would be whispering sweet nothings, only he is not like that, as evidenced by the criticisms. By the time he really got into it all, I'd have had a number of drinks, and what I really needed was sleep, only he was on the phone, at the only time he felt he could find for me, and so I wasn't in control of my behaviour, although I suspect it wasn't that bad at all. Just once the criticism started, not being sober, I am sure I was not as nice as I have just been to you. So thank you for your suggestion. It will be taken with a grain of salt, as a big girl like me will seek counselling as needed. If everyone were just a touch as nice as me, we would probably have a very boring world, only I didn't know that in my younger days. Nor could I help the feelings I had in those days. I am sorry. This sounds terribly critical. I seem to be in a bad space at the moment. I am sorry if I do upset you. I do need to keep blogging if only to get the garbage out of my system, and so you know z, I have been chatting all day online to several lovely men, and mostly not about anything negative, thank goodness.
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