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Blogs > oneladybrijit > For What It's Worth!

..and she said "I'm proud of you"  

oneladybrijit 66F
298 posts
3/12/2012 3:55 am
..and she said "I'm proud of you"

.. .and Mum would say "I'm proud of you", and I'd look at her sort of stupid, as if she was stupid, and I'd wonder.

I'd wonder, what does she mean? I'm proud of you! I did it, so why was she proud???? I could never understand that.

. .. and so, one day during one of the five parenting courses that I attended (to teach me ways of parenting that do not involve "punishment"/violence), (oh, sorry, I'm a slow learner! LOL ) I was told:

" need encouragement, not praise." Huh??? I was told that who are praised, never learn to do anything much for themselves. They depend on being praised, and once that is withdrawn - when they leave home - they fall apart and start to fail, or stop achieving.

Wow! Somebody who thought like I did! ok . . . . more please!

Statements such as "I am proud of you. . . " do nothing for the 's long term self-esteem. need encouragement to teach them skills for life. . . .statements like:

"you must be proud of yourself" "wow, so how do you feel about that?!?" and so on.

As a parent I was rapt. My oldest boys could not benefit from this, as they were long gone with their father, however my youngest two could, and I was rapt, so I started right away.

"How does it feel to have done that?" "You must be so proud of yourself for getting that done!" "How do you feel now?" "What do you think you'll do next time?"

It was all about them from now on, and today, those two are doing what they want to. They have no idea of what failure might entail, as the times they failed, nobody told them they had failed. They had merely not made it as far as they wanted this time, and next time they'd do it, because they could.

I had no idea that while I was giving them positive reinforcement, their father was setting one up against the other. Today, this is still an issue, as they have really never gotten over their sibling rivalry.

I gave birth to the two of them, and suffered all the crap, so they'd have a sibling to go to at any time in their adult life, and instead, they see each other as a problem. It's so cruel. Life is cruel enough without all the extra issues.

Han54boat 71M
11637 posts
3/12/2012 5:32 am

 I have two boys. I work on them being good to each other. Their mother felt it would work out. Today one boy hates the other and care less while the second miss him as a big brother.
You are right about it at your last sentence.
Bye,

Cum to my blog and respond. Have a great kissing fun time.


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