Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now
Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now
| Blogs > oneladybrijit > For What It's Worth! |
Why can't I succeed?
|
Why can't I succeed? Ok, now I am a long and involved enigma, better left alone, as there is so much involved. It's much easier to leave me to my own devices, because even if I don't succeed, I actually don't fail as such. I will explain. Because as a I was told "I am proud of you", I do have the issue that I don't achieve without that support. To this day, my mother still tells me the same, and has no idea that this is not the best way of handling things, and I am definitely not going to tell her now. It does mean that as soon as she is absent, I do find myself on my own, and not managing emotionally as well, only . . . I have done lots to try and change that. So, with all this equipment of my own, I must be able to find an answer, or answers, after all I had many years of counselling when it was needed, and there is no reason that I can't find my answers if I just think it through thoroughly enough, and as I hate thinking - my excuse is that it is painful, I tend not to think beyond automatic pilot, especially in recent times, as I just needed to take all that time out to heal. ONLY, what is my excuse now???!!! Ok, I no longer have an excuse, so it's time to find my answers, and I have procrastinated for several paragraphs. I do succeed, only not in attaining university degrees and visible things that show I am wonderful or a great achiever. I have survived the healing after my major dramas. Many would have turned up their toes long ago after that. As a young , I told adults who came up to me and chatted, sharing their annoyance at the smokers at work, stick up for yourself, don't let them bully you. You have the right not to be exposed to their smoke. Stick up for yourself and say so! Don't let them pick on you! That's what I said, back in the early 1970s, and look at how that spiralled out of control, to today's situation, where there is no longer any respect for a person's right to smoke cigarettes. Yes, they are harmful, and so are various substances, including alcohol, and when it comes to day to day substances, people do have the right to choose their substance, within reason. You will die, whether you use substances or not, perhaps a bit later, perhaps due to an uncontrolled event, earlier, however you will die one day. If your substance can or does cause discomfort or harm to another, then you either have to not use it, or if you do use it, your use needs to be in an environment/way that prevents that harm from occurring. If you can't protect others from your use, then you don't have the right to use at that time. Ok, so that's just one thing I did. Over the years I did a few other things, and I see the outcomes in my everyday life constantly, and I get to smile over what I have achieved. I also get to feel upset when something backfired, like forgetting that smokers should be allowed to smoke freely somewhere, or if you like they should be given somewhere to go and smoke. It is an offensive habit, which took me many years to give up once I acquired it, so I do know both sides of the coin. I hate the smell of it now, only I know that a smoker needs to be left alone a bit, not constantly harassed with my opinions. I raised at least two of four to a great extent, and did everything I could to improve their life over the quality of mine. The two youngest have really experienced non-violent parenting, so they do have the foundations, even if not all they need to raise their in a non-violent way. I spent about forty years, learning about heart attack/stroke, cancer, diabetes, and in my case a bit of hypoglycaemia long ago, which I have always had to be careful not to push into diabetes. Today I have published my results on this site, only I didn't really present them as well as I could have. Then again, if you follow my blog, you may well have followed those results fully, and they may have given you some useful knowledge. I have almost never failed to be there for anyone I met who seemed to have an issue. I'd let them tell me their problem, and when they did, I'd ask what they have tried. Then I'd ask if they had tried this, or that, and then they'd decide what suited them. Sometimes, I'd push a strong suggestion with a man, as men don't really understand that women just love certain things, and if they do them, the woman just loves them for it. Then when they tried those things, the next time they saw me, they were very happy, and I'd get to walk away with a smile on my dial, as usual. I always had a smile on my dial, because I always worked very hard to make others smile, and then when they did, I was happy again, or still. Take your pick, if you had so many successes, would you ever be upset or miserable? (I was miserable quite often, as I had very high standards to attain.) So, although I did not succeed in getting my HSC after six attempts, I did complete the very next course I did, which was a hobby course for me, my Fashion Retail Certificate, which has given me lots of useful skills for various situations. Besides that, while the were young, sorry, the youngest two, I acquired a large number of herbal books, and studied them a lot, learning all the basic herbs, their uses, blah, blah. Because of all my health problems at such a young age, I learned a lot of natural remedies for health issues, and dietary improvements as well. I have never stopped learning new dietary things, as the world has shrunk since the introduction of the internet, and as a result there has been much shared world wide that wasn't commonly known before. When I started university, I was stopped over and over in different ways, and so in the end, I just stopped. If I do get a chance to go back, I'd love that, only I am not sure that will happen in the near future. I really need to get my act together more, regain control over my attitudes and acquire accommodation where I can go, which is not here. My home may look like a storm hit it, however undercover, it does not look that bad, and only some are aware. It's a bit like when my were young. I knew that if they realised that I had achieved something, they'd do anything to destroy it. Over a few short years, I did everything undercover, until one day, I did a few things while they were at their father's for the holidays, and it was finished. They were so shocked when they came home, they finally never tried to ruin the place again, as they actually liked their recreated and improved home. In the same way, I need to just keep going, working on this, that and the other in my life, and there are lots of areas for me to work on, as I really have lost control over so much in my life since I took this break. There is not an area that I do not need to work on, so it's long and slow. Like back then, I do work a lot on what is not so visible, as I don't want someone to go into attack mode again and destroy before I get a chance to finish it all again. If you find all this so boring, then maybe you are not someone I would want in my life, as I want caring people, who are interested, and don't find things boring when they drag on for a bit. So, even though it's not obvious, and not very visible, I am slowly getting my life back together, despite some negative criticisms, despite the constant attacks I had for eight years on my home. (The secret was indeed to gain control over how I felt, as then it all became easy, however to do that I really needed to do what I did to the fences, so the beggars couldn't just get in, and now I have to be aware that they look at new ways to get past fences, so I have to be that step ahead still, and I can now do that.) For me, I had to put one foot in front of the other, slowly but surely, not worry if I stumbled, or tripped, just work on regaining my footing and standing up again, and I did that. Now there is not that much to go, as I am walking. I just need to do the other 999 miles that I haven't done yet!  So yes, I can succeed, and am doing that. I am a great success at being me. What more can I ask!!!!?????!!!!
|
Become a member to create a blog
