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| Blogs > oneladybrijit > For What It's Worth! |
When you feel worthless 4 . . .
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When you feel worthless 4 . . . Ok, this is probably the hardest thing to address, as if you are reading this, something probably happened at some stage, perhaps recently, perhaps long ago. Something happened to make you feel worthless. Perhaps your teacher told you that "girls can't . . ." or someone else said or failed to say something to you, that made you feel like you are just useless, worthless, and will never amount to anything. This does include men, not just women, as boys can be abused in ways that most females never imagined possible by some adult woman, just with her words. Perhaps it's what someone didn't say to you. As I said earlier, there are millions and even billions of people just like you, who do feel totally worthless, for whatever reason. The past is gone, the person is gone, teachers are really good at disappearing into the distant past, and now that you are a big adult person, they are just not there to put in their place, or to somehow resolve things with. ONLY, the issue is not with them, it's with you. You are the one who does not feel that you have any value. . . so now it's time to put things into perspective. I wasn't there when the deed was done. I don't know what was said to you to make you lose your sense of worth. Well actually deed, might be a really accurate description, as it might not have been something that someone said or didn't say. It might actually be something that was done to you, such as some kind of sexual or physical abuse. Whatever happened to you, happened then, and yes, I do understand the fear of it happening again, as if you read a few of my blogs, you would already be aware. It is now here, and today. What is important, is that you have picked up that you need to protect yourself, physically by actions, or inactions, emotionally, by finding ways of helping you not to end up damaged again, and to heal, and you need to find ways to move on. Before I say anything else, it's important to either work through what happened in your own mind if you can, and put it in the past, as in the questions, How can I avoid this ever happening again? What can I do different if there is a negative potential next time? . . or if that is not possible, to either let go, or get professional help, whichever you feel will work for you. Positive affirmations are a great way of moving forwards. I have a piece of paper sticky-taped to my bathroom mirror, yes, right now, that says "I love you". It is there to remind me to tell myself to say that to me, as often as I see it, which is most days, and sometimes several times a day. When I see that, I do look at my reflection, smile and say the affirmation to me in the mirror, so I do get the benefit of that often. I do also watch that smile, and if it's not good enough, I will do it again. Then I walk away with a warm glow inside, as I do know that I meant it from that smile. This has reminded me of the "Welcome" mat at front doors. I have always preferred to avoid writing or words around the place, only when you think of it, every time you cross the "Welcome" mat at your front door, you can think of yourself being welcome also, as it is your home! If you happen to be someone who always uses the back door, then perhaps the mat needs to be moved there, or another put there. I have the equivalent to three doormats at my back door, and one of the most useless things out at the front door, for completely different reasons. The back yard has lots of wet, slippery and potentially muddy spots in it, plus a dog, so by having the equivalent of three door mats there, chances are what belongs outside will stay outside, only those three mats also say welcome without the word being imprinted on them, as they welcome the user to use them before entering.  (You could see it in a negative way, only that would defeat the real purpose here. I do feel very good about those mats, and I use them all the time.)Attending a "Stress Management and Relaxation" course, over here put on by the health department for those who need it can give you relaxation techniques that can help greatly. Alternatively, some martial arts help achieve relaxation also. Another relaxation technique can be dancing, or exercise, the sort that burns up energy. That leads us back to this site, and sex. Yes, sex could help, only it really needs to be in the right situation with a person you feel good about for the right reasons, so that can get all complicated. You need to be aware of that, if you use sex for this purpose. Building up your sense of self worth, is an exercise that might take time and lots of different types of effort on your part. An affirmation is just one, and I don't know if there are sources of affirmations online. I do know that there are books full of affirmations, which may help you. When it comes to the crunch, only things that you feel good about will work, and that is the secret, to do things that work for you. I love spoiling myself, by cooking a really nice dinner for myself, and at some stage, I did lose the desire to cook so these days that spoiling tends to take the form of buying a frozen meal that I would really love to eat, and prepare it and some kind of vegetables or salad on the side to make it go far enough, and to add flair to it, making it as special as possible for me. As I said, I really lost the desire to cook for me, so it needs to be as simple as possible. I make it simple, by either having salad vegetables handy, perhaps already prepared, or easily prepared, or I use a microwave container, and put a handful of each of about three green, at least one red, and another vegetable in for about three or three and a half minutes, depending on the quantity. I don't like my vegetables over cooked. I like them just cooked, so I do them accordingly, as they have peak flavour and nutrition that way also. There are lots of different meals in frozen form, ranging from a snack type to a full on meal, and still the meals are rarely filling, so it pays to prepare vegetables that will not stack on the weight, yet fill that spot. Alternatively, I will cooks something in the oven, and about fifteen minutes before it is cooked, I will add a handful of frozen chips. If I am feeling more creative, I might just cut up a potato and put it in the oven instead of chips, or put a pot on with rice or another grain in it. Over time, I have found that I now do more things in the kitchen as my self love grows for myself. Do yourself a favour, remind yourself over and over, that just like so many others, you are a really precious member of society, and tell yourself reasons why. Those reasons can range from the productive things you do for society, to being there for others to do things for, to the skills you have. Each are totally valid. Now with that cooking. I always try to make sure that for the days when I am either physically or emotionally exhausted, or occasionally both, I always have something quick available to prepare a meal in minimum time and keep the nutrition up to myself. There's not a lot worse than mowing lawns all day, and not having a cooked meal to walk inside to. Now I normally always make my own yoghurt. Then I add frozen berries, black chia seeds sometimes (a small rounded spoonful), linseed (a small rounded spoonful), definitely lecithin, as it thickens things, and it's really really good for me, (a large spoonful), in my case two rounded teaspoons of sugar and then blend the lot to make a really delicious and very healthy smoothie. When I don't have yoghurt, I use a junket tablet and milk, (instructions on the packet) or I might use milk and ice cream, and then it's really decadent, and potentially able to upset my stomach, which I will deal with in a moment. The other day, I could see that I was in an emotional place where I just wasn't going to make the yoghurt, and felt I really need that yoghurt, as I tend to have it daily, so I bought some. Easy! Just make sure it's the best quality for me. When my tummy gets upset, there is a myriad of remedies, currently my favourite is grab a pinch of fennel seeds and eat them. Besides that green tea, even black tea, sipped slowly, chamomile tea, peppermint in any form, and the list goes on. I really need a break right now, so I will publish this as is. If there is something I have left out or failed to address, I will either be told, or I will remember later, and add that. Right now, I need to press the publish button. I do hope this helps as much as I would like it to.
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