Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now
Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now
| Blogs > oneladybrijit > For What It's Worth! |
Drinkies . . anyone?
|
Drinkies . . anyone? First a small sidetrack. I love that word drinkies. I heard it in a lovely British accent a few years ago now, and I have used the word ever since, as it suggest delight, pleasure and fun. A bit of triple dipping here!  Ok, it's a few years back that I had my first drink. Perhaps it's even a few more. I have memories of - I can't believe this now, it's an incredible admission, anyway, here goes - going into the dining or lounge room after my grandparents visited on a Sunday, and I think this may have happened when a few others visited also. The ladies had drunk an advocat, yes the egg one. I suppose that you could call that egg brandy, if advocat is a brand name. It's the only name I ever knew it by. They drank this drink out of tiny glasses, and there were always plenty of traces of the drink. Being a , maybe that's it, have no concept of germs or something. . . being a , I'd get the glasses, poke my tongue in them, and lick all the traces clean. Then I'd put the glasses in the wash-up, oh, soaking of course. Doesn't that just sound so gross!!! YUK!! How could I! It was only a few short years later that I was totally paranoid about germs, just goes to show. Ok, after work, my "Daddy" would have the usual beer, as many men did, and of course at some stage, I asked what it was. He told me and I asked for a taste. He told me it was for grown ups, and I could only have a sip, so that's what I had. Then each day I'd ask for a sip. I didn't even like the stuff. It's just the way my parents reacted at the time. Uh, having said that, I think on a hot summer's day it seemed to have a touch of a cooling effect, and it was way better than that super sweet lemonade! Ok, so the sips started small, and by the time I was a young , I'd be trying to empty the glass in one go.  Don't blame me. I am just sharing. Uh, this is the same family where Mum went to church and took me there with her, almost every Sunday. Mmm.So if you like, that's how it all started. As I reflect, I do realise that the only drink that wasn't super sweet besides water was indeed Dad's beer. All the cordials were way too sweet, just like the lemonade. It does explain why I liked my "sip" of beer back then. Then it gets interesting. At some stage, I seem to have developed an allergy to beer, and by the age of sixteen, it could put me to sleep, or that's how I felt about it anyway. I may be wrong here. This may actually be related to a specific event, which I have not shared yet. It's the sort of event, that's really hard to share, so I just haven't. Ok, so now all of a sudden, I can no longer drink beer. If I do, I can have a half a glass, and after that, I am in trouble, acting as if I had had several or more. Strange. Only if I relate it back to a specific event, it does make perfect sense. I was a normal sixteen year old, or at least I think I was. If the opportunity arose to drink, then I did, and as I was suddenly allowed to go out, having moved from Mum's to Dad's pretty much overnight at one stage, I cannot say my drinking was very responsible. I had rules, and I broke them, easily. (I had made rules a few years earlier, that I would not drink to excess, that I would not drink before dinner, except on special occasions, and not before five pm.) I now found myself breaking the "to excess" rule a few times, just like any other . Mind you, it turned out that excess meant pretty much more than two glasses of wine back then. There was this one wine, that the young men loved getting us young ladies to drink, and it was a touch like port. . . .I can't think of the name of it, as it was so long ago. I keep remembering duck, and a colour red, pink, purple or something, and none of the colours sound right anymore, so I cannot remember the name we used for it, just that it was supposed to be really good, and quite effective. I must have had it at some time, and I have forgotten that too. What I have never forgotten, is getting drunk three times in a few short years. By the time I was married at seventeen, I am pretty sure I had been drunk more than once. After the third time, I was pretty sure I really didn't like getting drunk, so I worked at ensuring I became tiddly, and then paced myself for the rest of any evening. Only after the awful start to that marriage, all I wanted was to forget and drown my sorrows, and since it seemed that it was ok to have lots of drinkies, that's what I did, started the evening with roughly a shot of rum, and the rest of the glass Cola. By the end of the evening, I could see the bottom of the bottle, and I was drinking most of a glass of rum, and a shot of cola with it. That's how it was for several months. I have a suspicion I shared my story about that night in another blog. Not to worry. It's sad. One morning I woke up without a full memory of the evening's proceedings. I walked into the lounge room, and there was the base of a parfait glass on the floor. For some reason my then husband was home. I asked him, what happened? How did that get there? He said: 'You sat on it' HUH??? How???? Anyway, he suggested that I was becoming an alcoholic, and I didn't like that concept at all, so I decided to pretty much quit drinking from that moment on, except for special occasions. I even became annoyed when there were too many special occasions sometimes, because my drinking was down to one or two, for Christmas, my birthday, and I think perhaps Easter. That was it, and stayed that way until I met the second husband. Now he wasn't doing anything basically wrong. Back then, most of society had this drinking culture, that pretty much said that unless you kill someone, it's ok to drink as much as you . . . . well want. Mmm. Only that thought terrified me, that a person could get into a car under the influence, and drive straight through a red light at high speed, without looking for other traffic, or if they did look, they didn't see. I was in the car a few times as a passenger when this happened. Mhmm. It's why I worried so much. Anyway, I met the potential husband, and it was "how about you have a drink to calm you down?" "Here, have a drink, give yourself a break. You need it", and within a few short years, almost every night of the week was drinkies night. It was scary. We never drank and drove. If we were out, one would drink and the other drive. We wouldn't start drinking until the were at least in bed, or asleep. It wasn't an issue that was affecting the rest of our lives. It was just an issue for me, because I was scared in case I could not give up, or ended up drinking more and more over time. I really wanted more control over my drinking. I did discuss it with the then husband. We did do things to keep a lid on the situation. Then one New Years Eve, I drank far too much, and when I found myself still alive the next day. I was really disappointed, and that's when I knew that I had a real problem. My way of dealing with that problem was to leave that marriage. Then I celebrated that I didn't have to drink anymore. I pretty much stopped drinking except when I wanted to have a drink, and for quite a while, that wasn't very often. There were people who didn't know I drank at all, a bit like my smoking. As I only had about seven cigarettes most days, many people never saw me smoke, as I'd go somewhere, have a smoke before I showered at home, and then not have another cigarette until I went home, or my next meal time, or it three hours had already passed. I would not let a man know that I drink before we met. I'd act as if I didn't drink. Once I had met him, and I felt safe, that's when I'd consider drinking in his company. That's how it was for several years. Now a few years back, that changed, when I moved to a town that gets so cold in winter that it's frightening if you are not used to it. I found that in winter, the only way I would not notice the cold, was if I had a bit of something as warm as drinkie inside me, so now I found myself having at least one drink every evening in winter, before I went to sleep. I wasn't really happy at the time, so one could become two or three. Once summer returned, I'd return to my normal modus operandi, which was basically have a few on Saturday night, and it was ok to get tiddly if I did. It was also good if I had no more than two. Another thing I did was check how much "a glass" was. If I was drinking this wine, a glass was so much, and if that, it was different, so I made sure that if nothing else, I knew how much a "glass" was of the drink that I was into. I have stayed with that. Then I met a man who would ring me really late at night, so late, that by the time he rang, I had already had at least one or two drinkies. This distressed me, and next thing I knew, I was having three, four, and in the end, while we were on the phone, I'd say, "I am having number ..." whichever it was. I was worried sick, and I have no idea why I could not explain the problem to him. I was never able to explain it. Uh, I was on the pension for trauma, totally traumatised??? Sometimes, I amaze myself at my own lack of understanding. Uh, it's pretty hard to be able to do anything when you are severely emotionally damaged, and I have amazed myself over and over since my dramas at just how bad I was.Back to the subject. Over time, the amount I was drinking concerned me deeply, and he really had no idea as to how worried I was about this. I did all sorts of strange things to try and lessen the amount I drank in the end, as I was really scared that I'd end up drinking myself into a place from which there is no escape, terrified. I ended up raising the subject with him, and the results were not good. Over time, it just became my worst nightmare, to the point that I ended up saying, if you haven't rung me by eleven pm, it's too late, and you can't ring me. I need to at least be heading for bed by eleven, and it's ok if we are already on the phone, only I don't want a phone call after that time. I wouldn't start drinking until ten pm, so then I had only had one or two by eleven. This didn't work and it all just seemed an incredible nightmare, that was never going to end, the drinking part, nothing else. I was just really scared that I could lose control. Our relationship had deteriorated over time, as he had no concept of how damaged I was when we met. I was able to be there for him with his issues, and our relationship made me a lot better than if I had not had the relationship, only the drinking thing and other issues between us were really undermining everything, and sending me back into the place where I had been when I met the man, or even before that. One day, he visited me for my birthday, only he didn't arrive when he said. It seems that I relaxed him so much, that instead of heading here around nine am, he slept until lunchtime. Mm. Then he spent less than twenty four hours here, and headed for another ladies home in another area, and stayed there for several days. HMMMM! After that day, I drank every night of the year. I had no control anymore, and for a long time, was happy if I had less than four drinks a night, because I could accidentally finish about half a bottle without trying, uh, that's a seventeen drink bottle. OK?? So I felt that I had a problem, and I felt that I had to work really hard to deal with it. Yes, many nights I only had two or three, only there were a few nights when I had more. That was my issue. I just wanted to regain control, and have never felt I really have control since. The good news is that I did go away a few times for at least one night, and when I went away, I did not drink. I just made it my rule like before, that when I wasn't home, I would not drink, because I was driving. Even today, I am careful to not drive unless I am sure that I am sober enough to pass any test. I really value my license. I am aware of the residual effect that alcohol can have. I know how much one drink of what I drink is, because if it says seventeen drinks on the bottle, then I need to divide the capacity of the bottle by seventeen to arrive at the measure that one glass holds. I have done that, and found a suitable glass, that even when I really fill it, only holds one glass full of drinkie, so if I say that I had one drink, I really did have only one drink, and so on. I had disagreements with the man who went and visited that woman. For a long time, we still kept in touch, and often in disagreement, as I could not begin to tell him my issues. I was always too distraught by everything in relation to him. The more I tried, the worse it became. I just wasn't meant to resolve this one. This is not the first time this has happened to me. It used to happen to me as a all the time. I'd like a boy, and all hell would break loose, as I was just this "". I have no idea how to explain it, except to say that it's really not a good look for me to try with a male. It's not clever for me to try with any male ever, as it always goes against me. So now you know. That is why the normal me does not waste too much time on any one man. Yes, I will get in touch with him today, then him, then him, and over a week or two, I might make contact with more than four, even up to about a dozen males, and not feel attached or obliged to any of them. I don't believe in putting myself in a situation where the man makes me feel like I am somehow chasing him, so I just don't. That's another reason to have a drink. Only, I want this to stop. Tonight, I have not had a drink, and it's nearly midnight. This is not the first time. These days I have often gone without a drink until I was actually heading for sleep. Then I might have one, and go to sleep. I like the me that doesn't need a drink. I like the me that has it together. I like the normal me, and haven't seen her for a number of years now. I really want that normal me back, and I just seem so damaged, that all the diet is not fixing it, all the rest and R and R is just not resolving my issues. But then how many people find themselves targeted as if they were some awful person when they move to a home that they had no idea was so cursed? However, by the time I am done, this place will not be cursed, as I will have resolved it. I am way too determined to ever fail in this. I will get there, and then I can focus on me again, and getting myself over my garbage. I can only do one thing at a time, and I am working on it. All the best to you in your life.
|
||||
|
It is not so easy for someone who has never had an addiction to properly understand the issues that a person with an additiction has to deal with. 40 years ago I had a friend who was an alcoholic and I went to AA metting with him. He was not even 30 years old but had been married about 5 times and had several of his ex's trying to screw hom for every penny he owned (more like owed). I could tell lots of funny stories about him but then it was not so funny to be in that situation. Same with smokers. I know a few who regularly give it up. I did drink a lot as a youngster. It gave me the courage to chase women but then I soon found I could pull them just as well when I was sober. Anyhow these days in a warm climate any kind of booze gives me a splitting headache so I tend to avoid it. But I would still gladly share a bottle of wine with you if I ever got the chance. Perhaps though I am not totally free of addictions. I suppose you can call masturbation an addiction since as a youngster it was not so socially acceptable as it is today and I would have loved to have been able to get by without it so as not to be embarrassed at the very mention of it. I still have not given it up but thats because I now know that it is totally harmless and is even theraputic. Sir Teezalot WAR IS ABSURD
| |||
|
I should have replied to the wine thing. As I am allergic to wine in general, my allergy being the preservatives, these days I just say I am allergic to wine. When asked, or pressed, I do explain how I am allergic to the first preservative, only that's a mild allergy, however if the second or third or both second and third preservatives are present, then I am in real trouble, and will suffer severe allergies if I drink that wine, so I don't. It's safer that way. As expensive wines, or fortified wines, don't have the same issues, some offer me these. It's much the same with beer. As commercial beers have preservatives in them, I know to limit my consumption to about one on a hot day, as that always goes down a treat, and that's my limit, as at this stage, I can be a touch out of it. With home brew, I may be able to drink it, and I have to set my own limits, without being pressured. The reason that I don't drink in the company of a man until I know him well and feel comfortable is because trying to explain that agreeing to sex under the influence is not legal consent, and if the woman did not want sex while she was sober, it is legally , is just too hard. I don't know if it's like that overseas. However it is definitely where I live. It's just easier to be as nice as I can, say I don't drink, or I don't drink in male company until I feel comfortable or something like that. If he has an issue, I do know how to either find the door, tip the drink out, or whatever I have to to make it clear that no, I will not be drinking here, today. I think it's time to face an awful thing and write about it. It's not going to be fun.
| |||
|
I should have replied to the wine thing. As I am allergic to wine in general, my allergy being the preservatives, these days I just say I am allergic to wine. When asked, or pressed, I do explain how I am allergic to the first preservative, only that's a mild allergy, however if the second or third or both second and third preservatives are present, then I am in real trouble, and will suffer severe allergies if I drink that wine, so I don't. It's safer that way. As expensive wines, or fortified wines, don't have the same issues, some offer me these. It's much the same with beer. As commercial beers have preservatives in them, I know to limit my consumption to about one on a hot day, as that always goes down a treat, and that's my limit, as at this stage, I can be a touch out of it. With home brew, I may be able to drink it, and I have to set my own limits, without being pressured. The reason that I don't drink in the company of a man until I know him well and feel comfortable is because trying to explain that agreeing to sex under the influence is not legal consent, and if the woman did not want sex while she was sober, it is legally , is just too hard. I don't know if it's like that overseas. However it is definitely where I live. It's just easier to be as nice as I can, say I don't drink, or I don't drink in male company until I feel comfortable or something like that. If he has an issue, I do know how to either find the door, tip the drink out, or whatever I have to to make it clear that no, I will not be drinking here, today. I think it's time to face an awful thing and write about it. It's not going to be fun. Isn't it wonderful to get back to nature. But then again I suspect that you would have the same aversion to a skinny dip on a first date. Talking of which I tend to feel that our attitude to nudity is even more stupidly backward and illogical than our attitude to masturbation. But within this website I think it is pretty clear to both of us that there is a clear tendency to opposite extreme. I bet you have never seen so many dicks in your entire life. But in my opinion, as with booze it's all about sensibility and moderation and a proper place for everything. Perhaps I am a bit of a stuck up knight but I adhere to the idea that civilisation requires an appropriate measure of decorum. And just like we don't shag in public we should not masturbate in public neither. Likewise public nudity if only to preserve the dignity of those of us whose bodies are past their prime. But it is hardly a matter of life and death if I get caught with my pants down and if it feels more comfortable to swim naked with friends around then why not? Anyhow, how about coffee then? Or perhaps that too is living dangerously since wine tends to make me drowsy and less frisky whereas coffee has the opposite effect. Or maybe an Irish Coffee. Funny thing about Irish Coffee, it also makes me very sleepy but stops me from sleeping at the same time. Sir Teezalot WAR IS ABSURD
|
Become a member to create a blog
