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Blogs > oneladybrijit > For What It's Worth!

Don't you just get annoyed?  

oneladybrijit 66F
298 posts
9/17/2012 4:55 am
Don't you just get annoyed?

Ok, for someone who wasn't going to spend anymore real time here, uhh, here I am again. I might have to change my name to crankyladybrijit, 'cos something is bothering me again.

As a few of you know, my mother passed away recently, and it's pretty obvious, that even though I am ok, I am not doing the greatest. Life can be like that. The thing is that even though our relationship was definitely dysfunctional, I really miss Mum, and the more time passes (at present), the more upset I seem to be, because I can't ring her and annoy her, I can't ring her and tell her, and I can't ring her and ask her. In fact, I just can't contact her!

.... and it makes me want to cry! ... and all I can do is sort of tear up, and then not cry. It's nuts!

I need about fifteen phone calls a day to all different people to sort of bring me back, yet I am lucky if I talk to around three or four. That's not someone's fault, it's just how it is. Uh, this contact can be from pretty much anyone I know, just thought I'd add that.

Now for the upset bit. . . . .

You know men, . . . . yes, those creatures, the ones that I say I only want to be friends with, . . . them?????

.....mmhm. Well, it seems that when I say "I only want to be friends", they understand more. They still go into time out and act as if I want them to be the man in my life! Meanwhile, I am desperate to talk, and share! .. and feel terribly alone!

What part of I only want to be friends do they not understand?????

What is it that makes a man fail to hear that Mum died recently, oh, sorry, I forgot to mention that a lot more happened a few years back, and I only want to have people to chat to, to hear me, perhaps to hear them also, and just be nice and social, mostly on the phone???????????????

It's really easy. I am not ready for anything other than people who yes, could give me a cuddle if we agree on that, however that's the full extent of things right now, nothing more. ... and it's a bit hard to cuddle if they are far away, and we are chatting on the phone, and that's fine, as what is really important to me right now, is just people who can be there for me, as I am finding it really hard.

I shouldn't be finding it that hard, only it seems that even I am not immune to the reactions of losing my mum. I thought it would be easy, as I saw her lots, spoke to her every day, and argued too much with her, blamed her too much, and generally took her for granted, even though I knew she'd die some time. I just didn't think she'd die about ten years earlier than the rest of the family have tended to.

I also didn't think I'd miss her more than anyone else in my past. Yet I do at present. It's just weird. . . . .

. . . . wish I had more people to talk to, and if I had fifteen people to talk to every day, we could not talk for an hour each, as that would add up to fifteen hours a day, and I wouldn't eat meals, or do anything at all except sleep if that happened, and it would be nice to talk to lots of people every day as they would take my mind off being sad, and I'd just come good.

...and that's why I am so upset, when I contact someone, and they seem ok, and then they seem to go into time out, and I just get so miserable, as that's the last thing I need right now. I just need people to talk to, as often as possible, and I don't mind if the calls are short as a result, as long as I talk to as many people as possible each day, so I can hear different things, and end up thinking about all sorts of different things.

Ok, rant over. I do hope that things are a lot better with as many of you as possible.
rm_TonyBlair111 64M
Ask me for a photo
32 posts
9/17/2012 5:05 am

 You just need to try to get past it all. peace


kukoocock 54M
5836 posts
9/17/2012 5:33 am

 Sometimes some people have more room for empathy than others. Men unfortunately rarely equal women in that department it seems.

Grief or grieving can be about the hardest thing to understand eventually the 'time out' can be a result of not being really able to grasp how you are feeling because they can't.

You need a good listener not necessarily to be found in men they say. I hope you find a way to come to terms with your mums physical absence. Sometimes I find peace in thinking about their essence or spirit if you like, it at least will listen and you can at least speak your mind.It has its drawbacks too. Hope you get some peace.


There are two kinds of light, the glow that illuminates & the glare that obscures. James Thurber


oneladybrijit replies on 9/18/2012 8:59 pm:
Thank you.

Most of the time at present, I have no idea how I am feeling, just that it's not good, nor do I have any idea of what I want, just not what I am up to right now, or something I can't have. If I don't know, I suspect nobody else will.

I think you have explained why men are going into time out around me right now. It makes a lot of sense, because men like to find answers and solutions, and there is no answer or solution, just time to pass.

It's strange, as I felt I could talk to my best friend after he died, and then to the man who said he loved me a week before he died. I felt I had a connection after death with both of them.

With Mum, it's different. My sisters feel she is around for them, and I feel she is gone, very dead, and just not anywhere around anymore. Her grave is two hours away by car, so I won't be visiting there often. There is nothing I can do about that. I do suspect that I'd feel I could talk to her there.

The other two are buried much further away. I might have to do that thing where people decide a place that is a "shrine" to the person or people they have lost, a place where they feel they can go and talk without strangers thinking they are nuts.

Thank you for making me think of options. I might come up with something, and every little bit helps.

SirTeezalot 74M
21966 posts
9/17/2012 5:58 pm

 Well since I am not one of the ones you talk to it is hard to pass judgement. But I think it all depends on what you talk about. I agree that you dont have to talk about sex to have a fun chat, at least at my age I do have interests that I find better than sex (sad to say) but you can also take being a listening post too far too.

I suppose it must be hard getting back into the habit of having fun again.
Sir Teezalot

WAR IS ABSURD


oneladybrijit replies on 9/18/2012 9:20 pm:
Sir Teez, thank you once again.

You may be right, as I did lose interest in everything nine years ago. It's hard to believe that it's getting so long ago, and perhaps that's why I was starting to find pleasure in some things again.

I haven't gone back to having absolutely no interest in anything since Mum's dying. I am just too busy with all the things we have to do after her dying. It's amazing how time consuming it can be.

I was just starting to rebuild my world, as in clean up, tidy up, and make my home comfortable, so that I could actually have somewhere comfortable to relax when I get the chance. It's very hard to relax in a place that's a real mess.

I was also starting to think of how, if I get the place under control to a comfortable point, maybe I'd find a way to get off the pension, and start earning money. It has seemed as if every time I thought that way, something would get in the way, and I'd end up back in discomfort land. However over time, I have done this, that and the other to make this place more comfortable by my standards, and each of those little things has made a long term difference.

There is really no time to have fun right now, except when I get on the phone to someone I met through here, and we do swap a lot of wicked innuendos, ending up in a lot of wicked laughter.

You know, I never used to really talk about sex at all, because I was too busy behind closed doors, and I have a rule, that I don't talk about what goes on there, as in I don't discuss what a man and I might get up to.

I am happy to discuss technique, or any other aspect of the actual act, just not what happens in my private world. That's mine, and will always stay that way.

... and I am quite content to discuss the latest petrol price rise, and how all governing bodies are villains, and should be made to live like the rest of us do, .

I am also quite happy to chat about other non private subjects, that hopefully I know something about.

It's fun just reading your response to my rant, and replying, and it will be fun going out to do something useful in the shed shortly, as I plan to achieve results.

I do hope all is good with you.


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