"my snail-shell"
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Posted:Feb 21, 2012 7:06 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2012 3:24 am
2119 Views
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I wrote this in an email that I just sent, and I do love the way I explained things. I had to copy it to here:
Once you have read my blogs, you will know that I am only looking for friends right now. That has a lot to do with not wanting to suffer any more emotional pain than I have already.
It also has to do with my own body. I love my body, and treasure it, seeing it a bit like "my snail-shell", as in it's the vehicle I occupy for my life, and if I let it get dinged and damaged, it may not last the long run, so I need to lovingly care for it.
I would love to be in a loving, caring relationship, only right now, I suspect that if I rushed in, it could just be another potential negative. I do feel that if I take my time, watching, waiting, listening, slowly, one man will shine out above all others, and I will know that he is "the one" for me.
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... and the weather makes us so busy
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Posted:Feb 20, 2012 5:38 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2012 3:24 am
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Today there were things I needed, or if you like wanted to do.
Only last night the creek filled up again, half full this time, and that is not a small amount. When it's half full, it's several times the width of any huge truck. The depth is already the height of the truck fully loaded when the creek is half full, so if you think about that, it's not that subtle at all. That's why the road has been closed twice already in recent times. If you check you tube, you will see a video I uploaded of the creek flooding. It's quite amazing to watch, as I caught the lot (just luck).
Tonight the creek will flood again. I have already been told, and the gate is all set up to lock up quickly, as the cost of locking it after hours is high.
Now I need to watch my home, secure it, and make sure that flood or rain damage is under control, so instead of being able to be here, and catch up on other people's blogs, I need to be out there watching, doing whatever needs doing. I also need to try and do the other things that I was planning to do.
As always, I do wish that all is as well as it can be with you and yours, as drama is always challenging in some way.
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early am blog
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Posted:Feb 20, 2012 10:06 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2012 3:24 am
2363 Views
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Isn't it awful when you discover that the only reason someone is watching your blog is to see if you put them down or somehow defame them? .... and until you actually felt driven to say something about them, it never even occurred to you that this might be the reason they watch it?
I am up at an "ungodly" hour of 4:40am here, because once again, something woke me. This time I think it's because the thunderstorm finally stopped. It was going for many hours before I went to sleep and I think well after as well. I do suspect that when it stopped, things suddenly went so quiet here, that my decided to let me know she's ok and woke me. How can I be upset at her for that?
While I was asleep, it seems I was composing a few lines, so I thought I'd write them here. Sometimes I will write something, and not share what it is about. I did write it here, because I think it's nice.
I feel sleepy, yet not able to go back to sleep. This is annoying. There are things I would like to do, and it's the wrong time to do them. There are things I should do, and I really don't feel like doing them, nor will I at present.
Two men I know, recently lost their mother. One rings me quite often, and I do chat with him about pretty much anything but his mother, even though he knows that I will happily be there for him to talk if he wants, and he does, sometimes. In the last few days, he has brought me two bags of peaches that the thunderstorms knocked from his tree. He said that there were many more, and he has others that he is sharing them with. It's not hard to stew a few peaches and bottle them for use at another time, so I will.
The other man who also lost his mother is in my thoughts quite regularly, as he has been really nice to me. I worry about him, because lately he seems so absent, and also so busy. I do hope he is ok. I suspect that his family is there for him, and he may not need me to be there for him, which may be why he is so absent. He is someone I really wanted to meet, only I did put him off for now, as he has only recently been separated. I didn't mean to put him off to the extent that we don't meet, yet it seems I did. I can't be upset at him. It's my doing. As I said, I do worry about him a bit, and would like to know that he is fine, only it just doesn't seem appropriate for me to make too much contact, as I have made contact several times when I was distressed recently.
Don't you hate that? when you feel that you have used up your "contact credits?" I am like that, as I hate being rejected, having been rejected once too often in the past, and the stupid thing is, that the times I was rejected, it was probably by selfish, self-centred people who really weren't worth my time of day.
That's better. For a moment there, it looked like I cared about others besides me! Can't have that! Back to being all about me and what I feel. 
Ok, I do hope all is good with you, and that any narcissism you may feel is not contagious, and not destructive!
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Giving
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Posted:Feb 20, 2012 9:19 am
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2012 6:42 pm
2274 Views
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Her warm dry lips gently caress his face, soothing away the aches and pains of her absence. Her hands touch his as she strokes them, softly caressing, kissing his fingertips and fingers to restore long lost sense of touch. She gives, warmly, gently, generously. Tongues talk, and if he wants more, his tongue will soon tell her. Then her tongue can reply, according to how she feels. She gives him her permission to do anything he wants if it is in love, and if it's not, her permission is denied. If passion takes over, that's ok, and if it doesn't, that's ok too, because that is what unconditional love is all about, giving without demanding, and her love is only about giving.
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running fevers
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Posted:Feb 18, 2012 1:28 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2012 3:23 am
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Right now I am running fevers, no point in posting until I get over it. This is really bad
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Criticism
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Posted:Feb 17, 2012 3:43 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2012 3:23 am
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This morning I woke up with feelings of hurt, of distress, as I remembered how I was criticised, and criticised, and criticised some more. The more I stayed with my concept of not criticising, the more I was criticised, and when I said something about it, I was told, "I only want the best for you". I had no chance. Over time, the criticism took its' toll, and I went downhill. In the end I had to break off that relationship, even though I felt I absolutely loved the man, as he was really tearing me down. When I met him, I had been on my healing journey, and now I was heading into total devastation. Please be aware that I cannot be more specific, as this man is a member of this site, and yes, I did meet him through here, so I have to be very careful as to what I say. The good news about that, is that I have met a number of men through this site, and because I talk about one in one blog, and another in another blog, not in any specific order, it would be really difficult to tell who I am referring to. I do like it that way. I do need to sit down and talk to someone about what is inside me at present, only I do not want to talk to this critic about what I am feeling, as he is the reason I am feeling this way.
I do need to work through my feelings, to help me let go and move forwards. I suspect the way to go will be to pay a professional, once again, via the taxpayer.
I do hope things are much better with you and others.
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Total disbelief
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Posted:Feb 15, 2012 11:11 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2012 3:23 am
2635 Views
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I'm sorry. There's just no point in being here, or anywhere social anymore for me.
I just can't believe what people are capable of. The more intelligent a person is, the more cruel they seem to be able to be, and I am not saying anymore. It's enough to say that today I was hurt in a way that is just unbelievable. I cannot believe it!
I am crying my eyes out as I type this. Who is my friend? Him? I don't think so. Him? No, so who? Is there just one out there who I can actually trust?
I can't let anyone close to me, because everything I ever believed in has been shattered, not once, not twice, over and over. My very first husband, who I guarantee you was not someone I would choose to keep in my life, is in jail today, and except for the second husband, I have met a string of no goods in real life. Yes, the men I met through here were generally decent, and a lot more respectable, however they all seem so capable of doing things that you should never do to a person, be they male or female.
I am the idiot who is so determined not to hurt anyone anymore. I have worked so hard to never hurt a man again, making sure that every time a relationship broke up after my marriage, it appeared as if I was the problem, and he was the one breaking up with me, because I was the problem. I just can't take the terrible deeds that are done anymore.
I can't trust. I don't know if I will come back here or not. I am so upset.
I did say to someone the other day, about how I'd like to be attached to someone with a mind like my normal mind, only the smarter they are, the more terrible the things they do, and that's why I was always hesitant about getting too close to a man who had brains. Today I have had that proven in such a devastating way that it just boggles my mind.
I do hope that other women are treated a lot better than this. I can hope. I do know that this is not the case.
Men are warriors, and they decide that we women are objects of their wars, and it's ok to hurt us, because we do defend ourselves, and sometimes in devastating ways, only a lot of the time, we are just trying to survive the awful things that are being done to us.
. . . and then you get some stupid woman who really cares, and doesn't want to perpetuate the hurt cycle, really wants to break it, and look what happens to her!
If I come back another day, that will be good for those who might actually care. If I don't, that will be a lot better for me, as right now I don't think it will ever be possible for me to get attached in any way to anyone ever.
To make it worse, I am now down to one person that tries to be there for me in real life, other than my mother, and I just don't feel safe to even go places or get to know new people.
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Inspired to add something. . .
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Posted:Feb 10, 2012 12:10 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2012 3:23 am
2641 Views
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I just caught up with the blog of another, and I am so inspired that it's time for me to add something new here.
I have been doing really well in my time away from here. I have done things that will make a difference in my day to day life, acquiring a large number of garments that not only fit me, but suit me as well, and are my taste. Amongst them, there are a few that are not me, so I will have to find new homes for them. However the bulk are garments that I really love. I have to do the smallest amount of mending and alterations to make a few right for me, as my waist is a touch smaller than the waist on them. It will be easy as soon as I get back into it.
The other day, I went out to the back fence again, and did what was needed to restore it's previous upright stance. I am really happy with the results. For the first time, I just didn't have what it takes to do the job myself, and asked a touch of help from a passer by. It was really good, and now the job is done, properly, and my fence just looks the best to me.
I also replaced some washing line that needed replacing the other day, and have spent some time improving the fish pond.
Now why would anyone end up teary eyed after all that? I have no idea, only the last two days, I have felt amazingly teary eyed. I miss those who were contacting me here. They are all absent at present, and won't be back for a few weeks. I just want to cry over the precious friend I lost, as he was my rock, and I know that the best thing I can do is stay away, never go back, unless he fixes things a correct way; and that is the hardest thing to do, as I remember the good times, and manage to conveniently forget the bad things. Only if I were to go back, I would leave myself open to more abuse. For once in my life, (not really once, just once again,) I really need to stay away, indefinitely. That is so hard! So I have ended up teary eyed, only the rest of me is fine.
I love the way I have laughed like I used to, smiled like I used to. It's great. I am coming back, more together than I have been for a long time. I just need to bring the other parts of me back, the bits that can do almost anything, achieve things around home, not just one or two things, everything that needs doing, and get housework done as well. That lady is still sadly absent.
I am working on it, and I know that I have to really take things slowly, working on just enjoying. That's the hardest part, just enjoying and not pressuring myself. So many others have put so much pressure on me at different times, that it's really hard to know how not to be broken anymore, really hard.
I am still working on it.
I do hope you are finding things that make your life feel worth it.
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Still here and still firing :)
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Posted:Jan 27, 2012 4:09 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2012 3:22 am
2257 Views
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Hello, I am a touch concerned that my most important blog will end up somewhere on another page, and that it will never be noticed again. It is the result of forty years of my life. That's from around thirteen years of age to now, fifty three years old. There will always be those who trivialise my findings, or those of anyone else, however my findings are not trivial. That's why they took all these years to work out. I had to learn this, that and the other along the way, as it was all part of the solution. That's why it took so long. I probably also had to wait for a few new things to be discovered before my search could be complete.
My solutions are perfect for me, as you would see if you met me. However they might not be perfect for someone else. They might only be helpful in some way or another. That's because we are all different. I can rely on rosemary, sage, thyme and parsley to do exactly what they are meant to for me. I tend also not to overdose on any of them. I am not sure anything can totally stop the aging process, just it's really nice to find ways of making aging much more enjoyable, and that was the aim all along.
All I ever wanted was an enjoyable and peaceful life, and that was the hardest thing to achieve, taking over thirty years, and shutting myself off from the rest of society, as it seems that every second person will deceive, lie or steal, and I must be this awful person that won't put up with any of that, so I shut people out. It's just me. I even shut my family out. See???
The reason I find that too bad, I never found recognition or rewards for my ability, is because I have not been alone in my search. Lots of people through various levels of society have been searching for similar or the same answers. They found things out that I depended on before I could work my answers out, so I depended on their research and findings.
I don't mind any of this. People who make a difference in the world are different, so it's not a bad thing. They don't tend to fit in easily, and that's ok too. Only when I am my normal self, I do tend to fit in, as I am very capable of fitting in. I have lovely communication skills, lots of abilities, and that's what makes me fit in, my understanding, my tolerance and my various abilities. Only I still have to be patient, find things to do, until I get back to normal. I don't think it should be too long. I see lots of positives in me.
A little note, someone asked a silly question to make some of us look stupid. It did work, only now I add my tuppence on my blog.
When I love someone, I do love them totally, unless they are a friend. I do love my friends, only definitely not with every fibre of my being. I just love them dearly, as they are normally people I can call when I have a problem, people I can laugh and share with, and feel safe with, and that's what makes me love my friends. Only they are different to me, having interests that I may not share, other friends that I may not get on with, and other facets of their lives that I may not fit into.
However because they are there for me, my friends are people I love dearly, not with all my heart. I am sorry this does not fit another's recipe for love. I also don't love my with the same passion that I love the man in my life. I love my very much, feeling that there are things that I would sacrifice for them.
Only again, I do not love them with the passion that I love a partner with. I do however love my with all my heart in a way, a very different way to the way I love others, so I have love for different people in different ways, and that's just how it is.
I even love different men in different ways for different reasons. One man might be a fantastic lover, and another a fantastic companion. I cannot love each in the same way. Being aware of that, when I do find myself loving more than one man, I have to look at how and why, and as I am both monogamous, and fussy.
I have to carefully decide how I will work my situation out in the best way for all, as there are other hearts besides mine to consider, and maybe that is the real reason that I am not attached. Maybe it's because I really do care, and would rather let go, than see another sad.
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Edited, or editing
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Posted:Jan 18, 2012 5:41 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2012 3:22 am
2740 Views
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I just reviewed my newest post, and was looking at it strangely. I have also noticed similar things in other blogs.
I had no idea. They edited my post. It's ok, as I have copied all the originals prior to and not including the one I am typing now.
The problem is that when they edited my post, they took out some very important words, words that were harmless, except that by removing the words, they removed the meaning of what had been written. Now the last paragraph does not make sense, and earlier in my post, there is at least one word missing.
I do apologise for the censors. I was wondering what another blogger was talking about when they put up a thing about censorship. Now I do know.
I suppose that's it. Until you actually experience something like that, you have no idea.
I asked myself what the purpose of their censorship was, and realising which words were deleted, I was able to follow their train of thought. For this to happen, either the censor was very mentally asleep at the time, or it wasn't done by a person, but one of those things that bounce people's computers on another well known site, unrelated to this one.
They have made it seem as if I am some foreigner with no grasp of english. In actual fact that is not the case at all, as those who follow my blogs would be quite aware of.
I do remember experiencing censorship in one of my early blogs, and at the time I realised the issue and tried to rework my blog, only the more I tried, the more they fiddled with it, totally damaging context, and removing the meaning of what I had said. In the end, I just gave up, as I had reworked the thing about three times, and they were still censoring, only at the time I saw it as editing. It was quite frustrating to have to leave a blog that I had spent a huge amount of time writing, ruined by their censorship. It appeared as if I had been drunk while composing it.
I don't think you can get more frustrating, only once I felt I knew what their issue was, I did try to rework it, with suitable references or words. Only nothing was good enough. It was as if they just wanted me to take my blog down, only I have a rule, once it is "published", that's it, it stays. I think three attempts at reworking a blog is ample, and if they can't let me know the issue, then that's just the way it will stay.
So now you know why the blog I just put up last night, and another one quite a while back now, sound really strange in places, as if I were drunk or a foreigner, or something else unusual.
I do ask both the reader's forgiveness, and acceptance, that I would not post anything inferior deliberately.
Something totally unrelated, wow, it's hot here! It has passed thirty degrees Celsius, around ninety Fahrenheit.
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Reducing our tax burden by removing one level of government in Australia
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Posted:Jan 18, 2012 2:50 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2012 3:22 am
2774 Views
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I did post a question for others to ponder and resolve about eight years ago, somewhere around 2004 I think. The question was: How do we reduce the Australian government system from three levels to two, instead of federal, state and local council, only two of those?
I don't know if I put it in a profile here, or on my favourite original site, just that I did put it up, and as I was pretty messed up emotionally at the time, I hoped that others would take on the issue and find and implement answers.
It's pretty obvious they didn't, as nothing has changed yet.
Now, it seems that the answer was staring us in the face all along. How hard can it be to fix? There are only a handful of state governments. Each is basically in a huge capital city in that state. Said capital city also has a local council.
Now, before this is implemented completely, some changes need to take place. Those changes are things that it seems Federal Parliament is working on right now, namely to unify all the state laws Australia wide. Then when that is done, it's a piece of cake, which if I had been as together as I am becoming now, I would have seen back then.
Federal government takes over from the states, so that there is only one "top dog" if you like, handling all the really major issues, and to a certain extent many minor issues, only not in the format they are being handled in at present.
Legislation such as road rules, can be handled at the national level, however things like fines and the handling of them, can be done by the local level of government, known by us as local councils. Many local councils have jurisdiction over large rural areas, as they don't have any cities in them. Now if the state governments are in major cities, there is no reason that Federal Parliament can't do a bit of a reshuffle of the areas that all the different councils govern, and fit what are now state governments into new areas that were previously under local councils. This does mean that the roles of state governments will no longer be what they were. Their roles will be exactly the same as that of any local council, and their power will now be limited to that of a local council over a defined area, after the federal reshuffle.
This is quite achievable, and should be easy enough to achieve in less than more time.
The reason I have kept working on this, and only said something in a public forum once previously, is because we Australians are the highest taxed people in the world, and all of us struggle to survive under our tax burdens.
Federal Government does not have to give anything up to make this work as such. If anything, they need to do a bit extra, which they already make sure they are well for. It's not an issue.
State governments, although they would no longer be known as State Governments, as reshuffled governing authorities now known as Local Councils, will have an immediate income potential for their employees, who previously were politicians, and now will become Local Councillors in a similar pecking order to that held previously. Their income will be derived from all the usual sources that local councils acquire their incomes. This means that nobody needs to take voluntary retirement at all! No unemployment needs to be created to get the same outcomes. The only real difference will be that all local councils may have the slightest loss of income across the board, and everyone that was previously employed will stay employed.
The benefits to the taxpayer will be enormous. All those state fuel levies will be gone. All the state taxes, gone. All the state fines, gone. For the first time in the memories of many Australians, people will feel like hey, maybe we can visit so and so? Hey, maybe we can have a holiday more than once in thirty years! Wouldn't this be nice???
If, for any reason, the powers that be, don't like this, there is another way of taking state governments away, and that is to merely reshuffle the politicians onto either local councils that already exist, or up to Federal Parliament.
I am only the thinker, the problem solver. I have always been blamed for my ideas, and never given credit. However I have put this where you can see it, clearly, and so can everyone else old enough to worry about these types of issues, so maybe just this once in my life, I won't be treated the way I have been so often in my past.
Today, I have published here, two lots of potential answers for problems that have plagued many of us for many years, the first about health, and the second here about politics. I do hope there are those who appreciate them.
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avoiding diabetes, heart attack and cancer, my thoughts
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Posted:Jan 18, 2012 2:17 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2012 3:22 am
2372 Views
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I wrote this on someone else's blog, and as it is the results of many years of me reading this, that, the other, learning something else elsewhere, and recently, looking up a few things online to prove or disprove my theories, as it is the result of my search, I feel it appropriate to put it in my blog, and take credit for actually finding this out for those who are interested.
I did leave one thing out in all of this though, eating fresh greens every day, helps in the fight to prevent cancer. They are full of iron, so it's possible that this is quite correct. I have tried to eat fresh greens every day for years, and when I did this, felt a lot healthier than when I didn't, and I do mean things like parsley and chives, or even lettuce or celery raw, perhaps in a salad, or just on the plate. I am only just coming together again, enough to make the effort to keep those greens coming in my diet. This is not an answer, however it is a support thing, as you will see if you read on:
I will add something about Multiple Sclerosis at the end as well, as I have even heard my theory on a current affair show.
Amongst other things, I have asked questions about heart attack, cancer, and diabetes all my life.
For me, I have learned that too much sugar will lead to diabetes, maybe earlier, maybe later, and I am at risk of that, always have been, so I eat sunflower seeds, that's the shelled ones for people, not the ones still in their husks. I don't know if it's good to eat the ones in their husk or not.
I learned that your cholesterol level is a really good indicator of your health, too high, and you head for heart attack, too low, and you head for cancer. If you want to lower your cholesterol, eating fish, fish oil, and avoiding any meat fats is probably the best way to go.
It only makes sense then that eating more meat fats, will help restore a healthy cholesterol level, and avoiding fish products until that level is healthy. I don't know if cholesterol is measured the same way overseas as it is here, however here, they used to say that over 5.5 was not good, and 8 was a death sentence, only there were always some who lived despite their high levels.
I found for me, when my cholesterol had been lowered, only by diet, to 3.4, it felt too low. I felt sick, and as I am over-sensitive, this could be used as an indicator to raise my level. I allowed it to rise to 4.3, and that felt really comfortable. If it goes higher, I feel lethargic, exhausted even, and unable to function as well as when it is 4.3. This is only something to consider.
The other thing I found out recently, through going online and studying various things, was that heart health and iron are directly linked to a certain extent, along with blood pressure. If I have my normal low blood pressure, I am lacking in iron. I also feel tired from too little iron. However if I add enough iron, I no longer lack energy.
Then, however, I have to be careful not to have too much, as it raises my blood pressure to dangerous levels if I am not careful. When that happens, I become at risk of a heart attack.
SO, I can suspect that if I raise my blood pressure by increasing my iron levels, in the natural form, as it is very easily absorbed, (sorry forgotten what it is called).. . . . If I take extra iron, then my blood pressure will rise, and if I know anything about anything, I will also be raising my cholesterol levels as a result, so then I should head away from cancer.
This is not official research, merely my research, and all I have done is share my discoveries with you. You can look things up online, consult experts or a doctor you trust, to double check and see if what I have found is correct. If you find yes, this is true, it could well help you despite your current health situation.
I can only hope that this does help you. I did feel years ago, that it's like there is this lifestyle pendulum, that if you swing too far one way, you head for heart attack type problems, and if you swing too far the other way, you head for cancer issues. I found that it's also like that with diabetes, and hypoglycaemia, the opposite. If I keep my sugar intake as low as I can manage, don't substitute it with artificial sweeteners, and eat those sunflower seeds anytime I don't feel right, even better, improve my diet to the point where I don't get the dizzy spells or the weakness or faintness, then I can avoid the illness that plagues my family even more than the other two.
Now Multiple Sclerosis: I felt for many years that artificial sweeteners were somehow not good for people. I felt that soft drinks were somehow potentially dangerous, although I couldn't put a handle on it, so I avoided them. If I had a bubbly drink, it was either pure mineral water, as in the stuff that is dug up, and found to be clean with only safe minerals in it, or clean water carbonated in a machine that I bought, as in Soda water, and the flavour was either a bit of added pure fruit juice, or a cordial that I knew that I can drink and it doesn't upset my system.
Recently, there was a current affairs thing, that said that people who have been diagnosed with MS, multiple sclerosis, and who have stopped using any kind of soft drink, have lost all their symptoms within three weeks. Having said that, it's like everything, this may work for you, and not for another, or for one, and not for you. Please do consider that this is theory that has been proven for some. I strongly believe that the artificial sweeteners are really bad for you, and this suggests they are. I do also believe that it's not good to have too much refined sugar in you diet either, as people like me will develop diabetes if we do that.
It's all up to you.
I have never for what I am telling you. I will probably never for what I am sharing with you, as there will be those who somehow attempt to say that oh, we knew that already. Well that's not true. I shared exactly what I shared with you here, now, for the first time, in it's sum total. Yes, the parts were discovered before I put it all together, however I did put it all together in a way that makes sense, and that's something I have a real skill in, solving problems. Only I am on a government benefit for the dramas I went through in 2003, and I live on such a pittance that life is really difficult.
Remember that before you choose to rubbish me in any way, as I have earned nothing for my efforts, yet others get millions for a lot less.
All the best for you in your life.
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Just something to say I am still here.
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Posted:Jan 16, 2012 10:14 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2012 3:21 am
2584 Views
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I should be asleep, and once again, something woke me up. Because it has been so frequent lately, I have music going all night, and even that is not working. I might have to control the music.
I have had a bad week emotionally. It has felt a bit like a roller coaster, sad one moment, fragile the next, maybe a bit of both, and back. It's easy to say, oh, you can control your emotions. It might be easy for a man to control his emotions, as they tend not to be so up and down. It's not so easy for a woman to, and sometimes, the hormones just don't give us a chance, so while we might work really hard at staying even tempered, and calm, our insides are more like a cauldron brewing up trouble and torment.
I should have visited my mother a week ago, and I kept putting it off, in the hope I'd get some work done here before I went. It didn't really happen, so in the end I became totally frustrated and did a quick visit. Then I managed to forget to take what I was going to, so I will have to go back again sometime soon.
Stupid things like that just add to the already damp eyes. It's really strange, as even though the emotions are in a heap, and all over the place, I am really happy inside. I know that might sound strange.
It's because my body, and a recent event is controlling the emotions, however my mind is controlling what I am doing in my day to day life, and I do try to at least get something positive done most days, while I am not really achieving much, just so that I don't end up going backwards.
Because I do achieve little things here and there, I am happy with me, so all the rest doesn't matter anywhere near as much as if I weren't at least getting some things done.
As usual, I have pretty much said nothing, so I will add a little. When I look outside now, I see this yard that is so much clearer than it has been for over a year, so it's really nice, and restorative to the heart, as I did it. I have removed the fire hazard from near my bedroom, and that makes things a little less dangerous if ever a situation arises. It also makes the yard so much more comfortable to be in.
When it's all done, I have one of the nicest or most comfy yards. I learned a long time ago, that for a yard to be comfy, like a house, it needs seating that is there always, and I have made sure that is there. Then there is the seating that can be put out there to supplement that. If one has at least one cushion to make it comfy when needed, then one now has a very workable situation. It all makes it worthwhile going out there, and looking at making something out there worth looking at; so that becomes the next challenge, and even though it does look so much nicer when the roses are under control, just the trees with their leafy bower at this time of year are incredibly soothing most of the time. Add a refreshing cuppa, or a cold drink with a few berries and/or a leaf or two of lemon balm, and wow, nice place to be.
I recently mentioned the fish pond, and as I said, it's already something to just watch in wonder. Only there is a bit of work around it to remove weeds, and that is yet to happen, so there is still plenty to bother me, and as time passes, I suspect that I might just get it all under control.
I thought it would be nice if I just wrote something here, as I haven't said much lately, just not dong the best. I will be back soon enough, and thank those who keep being there for me. Thank you.
By the way, I could make anything sound like paradise, as I do have a way with words. Only it's not just that, it's our attitude, and if you read my blogs, you do find that no matter what, somehow I'd just keep fighting to move beyond the bad things.
The peace that I have found in the world around me in recent times defies explanation, as I sort of wonder if it's real, or just people keeping silent in my presence. That's something we can't tell easily. I do suspect that mostly it's nice, not a negative. One can only hope.
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