I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause
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Posted:Dec 23, 2015 11:36 am
Last Updated:Jan 5, 2016 10:10 am
35631 Views
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No I didn't...but it seemed like a good title
Musical, sexy and a little taboo? Perfect
So, folks and folkettes..... wassup??
I seem to be a part time Local Adult Companion'er these days I peruse the blogs, perv a profile or two...at least as much as a standard member can....stick my nose in the chat room and leave
Blogging has fallen by the wayside...and I can't email...... lol Doesn't leave much now, does it? lol
Oh well.... at least I can still play with myself lmao
God help you all if I ever lost the use of my hands
You know, if the stories are to be believed..... I should have gone blind by now!
Or at least had a right arm like popeye
Note to the interested - don't try and arm wrestle with me
Anyways....snow. Yes snow. White gold
I need to get me a snow blower...or at least an independent woman.... Apparently independent women are really good at snow shoveling I read it in a blog on here...so it must be true
So I have that to look forward to tonight I guess lol I don't mind it to be honest Gives me extra time to think about sex And I'm done work as of this evening, till after New Year....so if it get it done tonight, or tomorrow or whatever it doesn't really matter, right?
Anyway, time to get going... here's hoping you all have a good and safe holiday season
Have fun!
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I Shaved My Balls For This?
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Posted:Oct 20, 2015 10:34 am
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2015 6:55 am
34926 Views
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To paraphrase the Deanna Carter song lol
Well I am miffed........
Why? you might ask...
I'll tell you....
Apparently my mail is only accessible to Golden members...
Seriously?? I have a message in my inbox I can't even read.....
Way to go..... one of my last two reasons for logging in is gone.....
Just the blog left now
I can't believe it....
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Stand By For Exciter
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Posted:Jul 7, 2015 6:18 am
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2015 5:40 am
23258 Views
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Here he comes now....
Fall to your knees and repent if you please.....
Yes, boys and girls, I'm on a Judas Priest kick right now lol
It could have been worse...I could have used Eat Me Alive for a title
On that note....any volunteers??
No??
But I washed it and everything!
LMAO
There's a story about Tom Jones...that he used to dip his tadger in mouthwash before meeting the panty slingers backstage
True or not....it's a great story
So things have been pretty busy for me lately, hence the lack of blogging Not good busy...just work busy, in case you were getting all excited
Oh come on...you KNOW this isn't that kind of blog
You really shouldn't come here expecting that lol Even if this does purport to be a sex site
Speaking of which...if it wasn't for people screwing it up this would be a great sex site lol
Isn't it funny that the minute you involve human beings, everything gets all screwed up? lol
Glad I'm a Sex Robot from the future
I'm the Orgasminator
Wouldn't that be cool though? I'd have all these detachable appendages for any situation...
Go, go gadget dick
Combine that with my built in Wheel of Tongues and we're off into space! Metaphorically and hypothetically speaking
Mind you, I'm sure with the sudden resurgence of The Terminator franchise, some enterprising porn studio has already copyrighted that idea lol
Don't they make NEW movies anymore? Or am I just getting old??
Of course, Arnie DID say "I'll be back". He just didn't specify how many times
Anyway, I guess I ought to go do some work for my living,,,,,
Hasta la orgasmo, baby!
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Three Chords, Two Fingers and One Asshole
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Posted:Jun 12, 2015 11:09 am
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2015 9:28 pm
23607 Views
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There you go.....a famous quote by a certain someone...
Who?
Keef Richards
Strangely fitting for my blog
The first two items might change, but the third is constant around here
I did a quiz and it turns out my Asshole Quotient is in the low 200s
Apparently
I'm a genius asshole if you wanted to compare it to IQ
Yes ladies and gents...if my Asshole Quotient was defined in intelligence I'd be so smart I'm scary
Evil Genius scary
Bwwaaahahahahahahaha!
Yep.
All I'd need is a mini-me and I'd be all set for global domination
Oh yes, it will be mine.....
But aside from that...how did you enjoy my Minimalist ™ Blog over the last week or so? Note to self: Put $1 CT money in Flirty™ 's Jar You didn't notice?
Well you can't get any more Minimalist ™ than not posting at all Note to self : Another $1 CT money...
Well folks...you'll never see a Minimalist ™ post here Note to self : Another $1 CT money...this is going to cost me a fortune...
Why not?
I couldn't do it...I talk too much... On paper at least lol In person I'm not so forthcoming But on paper it's yap, yap, yap, yap, yap
I really have to stop using that expression though...all my CT money will be gone in a flash in royalties *sigh* Since she Trademarked it it's cost me about $10 CT money already...sheesh...and it hasn't even been 24 hours yet...
So I've come up with an idea.... Any time I reference it from now on I'm going to call it Min. B.
Can't TM an abbreviation can you?
That could stand for anything at all, right?
So just between you and me, loyal reader...if you see that Min. B. abbreviation you know what I'm talking about right?
I know you won't tell her.....
Have a good one folks!
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Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny, Yellow Polka Dot Bikini
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Posted:May 29, 2015 7:55 am
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2015 5:12 am
21732 Views
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Hello folks!
You better leave the bikini's in storage for a while yet...it's going to be minus 1 tonight
Unless of course you're not wearing it outside *Ahem*
When it's chilly enough to give you nipples that could cut glass, what chance does clothing have?
I think that might be part of the conspiracy......force you into summer clothing , then turn down the temperature so you shred your clothes with hard nipples and then have to replace them...
I'm telling you...it's true!!
It MUST be true....you read it on the internet
In other news.... I heard this week that people poop wrong.... Yes ladies and gentlemen, after all these millions of years someone has figured out that we've been pooping in an incorrect fashion
They even wrote a book on the subject! AND got a spot on national television to promote it!
Have we fallen THAT far...?? lol
Now don't get me wrong... I'm not a fan of undue strain in the poopage department....but still....really??
I do, however, enjoy answer questions through the door in the negative....
Witness:
From outside the door: "Do you want a coffee?"
NNNNNNNNNNo
It's even better when accompanied by a large splash....
Freaks people out
Sometimes I'll fill the sink with water and drop a full shampoo bottle in it for effect
Anyway......
So I was thinking...if someone can invent a new and improved method for pooping, there's got to be money to be made in all sorts of strange ways....
So I invented Hypothetical Sex ™
Thank you, thank you.....it was nothing, just something I whipped up one afternoon...
Oh...I guess you should wait for the applause and cheering to START before you say that.... oops
Yes...Hypothetical Sex ™
Hypothetical Sex ™ is for people who fall into one of the following categories:
A. People who don't want to have cybersex or are afraid of Keystroke Monitoring on their computers
B. People who live too far away and have no wifi or internet connection
C. People who are just too lazy to have Cyber or Real sex
D. People who can't have real sex due to health or other issues
It's also very easy to do...
There is no special equipment required, although you do have to order my pamphlet on the subject for only 6 easy payments of $11.95 + $100 shipping and handling Or a blowjob...I'm not fussy
Of course I can't tell you the whole method, since that would be shooting my business in the foot.... but I can tell you that it's the safest sex you'll ever have
And the easiest....no long courtship ritual, no monetary outlay, no messy cleanup.....you don't even have to shave!!
I'll tell you how easy it is....
I'm having it right now!
See?
And you didn't even know..... In fact, the person I'm having Hypothetical Sex ™ with doesn't even know
Hope she's enjoying it as much as I am
Later folks, I'm about to cum
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